Am I Special? A dialogue
I think I’m special.
Are you familiar with the Special Olympics?
Yes.
Do you think you’re special in the same sense as the Special Olympics?
I think I’m special in the sense that I’m unique and interesting, perhaps even a smidgen fascinating.
I don’t think fascinating comes in smidgens.
Almost fascinating, then.
All right, let’s take a tally.
A tally?
Yes. This is almost scientific. Describe yourself.
What do you want to know?
Start with the very basics and go from there.
Okay. I’m human.
Neutral. No points.
No points?
No points. We’re all human. Go on.
I’m male.
Negative ten points.
What?
You heard me.
It’s not like I can’t help being male. I protest.
Protest noted. Continue.
White.
Negative ten points.
Again?
Yes. Don’t feel down. Keep going.
Well, I’m left-handed…
Two points.
That’s it?
Have you been traumatized over your left-handedness?
Sometimes, when I try to use a pair of scissors.
Point taken. Or in this case, given. Three points. Go on.
I wear glasses.
Two points.
Not three?
No. I’m not budging on this one, either.
Fine. I’m Canadian.
Six points. One point extra just because of Trudeau.
I’m also gay.
Ten points. Congratulations, you have offset being male.
That’s it?
You’ve come a long way, baby.
But persecution still exists.
True.
And people are still hurt, even killed for being gay.
All right, twelve points. I think that’s fair. Continue.
I think I’m creative and somewhat artistic.
A smidgen artistic?
Ha ha, very funny. How many points?
Five points.
That’s less than I got for being Canadian, which isn’t even particularly unique!
Are you familiar with the term “starving artist”?
Yes.
It’s because there’s so many of them. Five points. Anything else?
I’m nice.
Neutral. No points.
Neutral?
Not everyone is nice but the expectation is that everyone should be. Do you dispute that?
Well, not really, I suppose.
Is that everything, then?
It’s all I can think of offhand.
Your total is eight points. This gives you the rank of Pedestrian. Do you want to try again? Y/N?