My unwritten, unrecorded and undoubtedly underappreciated concept album: 13 Unlucky Songs

Today, while on my run, several songs from The Magnetic Fields’ 69 Love Songs came up on shuffle play. I suddenly thought of ripping off the concept with a scaled down, differently-themed album using the same general premise. I give you…

13 Unlucky Songs

  1. Under the Ladder
  2. The Crack on the Sidewalk
  3. Dropping the Mirror
  4. Break a leg
  5. My Black Cat
  6. Shoes on the Table
  7. Don’t Test the Umbrella
  8. Rocking Chair
  9. The Stopped Clock
  10. 1954 Calendar
  11. The Owl is Just What It Seems
  12. Green Room
  13. The Hat on the Bed

Also, I accidentally learned about some superstitions I was unaware of while coming up with song titles. Unintended education.

Now to record this in Garage Band, right after I learn how to make music, since my knowledge of this is currently close to zero. I mean, I know what notes and sheet music are. I know guitars are cool. That’s probably enough, right?

I drove all night (4 times)

UPDATE, November 12, 2023: Proving nothing is eternal, all three originally-linked videos of the song got zapped over time. I have replaced all of them with the videos from their respective YouTube channels, so hopefully they don't go poof any time soon.

Roy Orbison recorded the song “I Drove All Night” in 1987 and five years later it was released as a single — three years after Cyndi Lauper released a cover version of it. A country band named Pinmonkey also recorded a cover in 2002 and finally Celine Dion released her own take in 2003.

I remember the Lauper version and was unaware at the time that it was a cover of an Orbison song. I liked the song enough to actually buy it as a single from iTunes. Since then I’ve listened to each version to compare and contrast, and see how each artist has interpreted the song.

First, we have the original:

Roy Orbison (1992)

The clips of Jason Priestley and Jennifer Connelly were apparently shot for the video, despite looking like movie clips. The attempt to put Orbison in the video by using concert footage from shortly before his death and covering up the fact that he’s not singing the actual song in question by layering on obscuring video effects is both creepy and ineffective.

But to the song itself, it’s fine and stands up well. I’d rate it as a lesser effort than the best tracks from his late career but it’s smooth and his voice is in fine form.

Celine Dion (2003)

This version is a bit odd in that it both calls back to the Orbison version, particularly with the ‘Uh huh, yeah’ part of the chorus, then goes off in a completely different and predictably jet-sleek direction as a Euro-style disco number. Dion’s vocals are soaring, as expected, though she manages to pull back when the song requires it. The ending kind of flails about limply, and the video suggests that Dion isn’t exactly taking the song seriously, what with mugging at the camera and such. This version is better than I would have expected, but it’s polished to such a high sheen it feels a bit sterile.

Cyndi Lauper (1989)

This is easily the most rocking version of the song and the only one where the percussion really snaps. Lauper fully invests in the song, belts it out, brings a sultriness that Dion lacks and in the video dances like a spaz, just as you’d hope and expect. The video also features the most arresting visuals of the three, with images of cars projected onto Lauper’s nude body. It all works well. It’s a shame this was Lauper’s last big hit, she was and is very talented and deserved more success.

Pinmonkey’s cover is a slick countrified take that sounds exactly like what you’d expect from that description. I don’t know that it adds anything to the song but I suppose it doesn’t take anything away from it, either. It’s basically inoffensive.

In order, then:

  1. Cyndi Lauper: fun, sultry, nutty.
  2. Roy Orbison: sturdy, smooth, solid.
  3. Celine Dion: slick, clinical.
  4. Pinkmonkey: Yep, that would be country, all right.

Writing exercise: New lyrics for an old song (using California Girls)

Putting new lyrics to an established song is nothing new — it’s done regularly for parody but it’s still a fun exercise, especially if you try for a specific focus.

For example, the song ‘California Girls’ (Mike Love, Brian Wilson) takes 2:47 to explain how girls all around the U.S. (and the world) are nifty but what would be the niftiest of all is if they were California girls, presumably because they’d have rockin’ tans and actually be near enough to date/chase/moon over. Not exactly deep stuff:

Well East coast girls are hip
I really dig those styles they wear
And the Southern girls with the way they talk
They knock me out when I’m down there

Doing the old gender switch is easy for the chorus since it doesn’t rhyme.

I wish they all could be California
I wish they all could be California
I wish they all could be California girls

Becomes:

I wish they all could be California
I wish they all could be California
I wish they all could be California boys

Simple! In fact, the rest of the song can easily be switched around, gender-wise, too. This is probably the trickiest verse:

The West coast has the sunshine
And the girls all get so tanned
I dig a French bikini on Hawaii island
Dolls by a palm tree in the sand

What would be the equivalent of a French bikini for guys, especially of that era (mid 1960s)? How about cut-offs? A substitute for ‘dolls’ is tougher. Studs, maybe? Was that in the vernacular back then? I don’t know offhand because I was about one year old at the time and my fashion sense was limited to diapers and pooping in them.

The West coast has the sunshine
And the guys all get so tanned
I dig blue jean cut-offs on Hawaii island
Studs by a palm tree in the sand

Not exactly a masterpiece but hey, if someone ever starts up The Beach Girls, they’re good to go.

How about making the song about music?

Well East coast bands are hip
I really dig those styles they play
And the Southern jazz with the way they strum
They knock me out when I leave L.A.

The Mid-West farmer’s hoedown really make you feel alright
And the Northern cats with their drums and songs
Will keep you grooving all the night

I wish they all could be California
I wish they all could be California
I wish they all could be California bands

Again, not the stuff of genius but we’ve shifted focus of the song while keeping as much of the original lyrics intact, creating a kind of alternate universe version of it.

Giving yourself the freedom to change the lyrics as much as you want, sticking only to the actual meter of the song (‘sung to the tune of…’) makes it both easier (no need to hew to the spirit/theme of the original) and more difficult (what will the song be about?)

I’m still mulling over choices but I’m thinking of something profound and grim to go with the jaunty music. I’ll post an update when I have put together my morose musings. If I can record it via some karaoke thing, all the better*!

 

* worse if you’ve heard me sing