As mentioned in the previous entry, I bought a pair of Shure SE110 earphones. The one local dealer that had them in stock was the Apple store downtown. I had never been in there before so I went in as an Apple store virgin. This was akin to entering a cult compound as a curious and lost waif, seeking knowledge and wisdom.

The store is an open air design, with various bits of Apple hardware lining counters on the left and right for a little hands-on lovin’ and islands in the middle sporting more hardware. It is very bright, white and clean-looking, almost antiseptic if not for the light-colored birch (my guess) that lines the counter tops. At the far end of the store is the sales counter where the POS system consists of Mac notebooks mounted on swivel stands. Behind this counter are two large LCD screens displaying things like a glossary of technical terms or a list of people with appointments for the day.

I head about halfway down and find the racks with iPod accessories. I pull down the box of Shure earphones and look it over. So far no one has approached me, but it’s the weekend and the store is pretty crowded, so the sales reps may all be occupied. Good.

I take the earphones to the sales counter. There is a vague kind of line-up here, further underscoring my belief that over the decades Canadians have lost the ability to form a line. A woman comes up to me and asks how will I be paying. She has a big smile and even bigger saucer-like eyes. Her hair is straight and long. She looks a bit like someone from a love cult circa 1973. I tell her I am paying by debit and she smiles some more and nods and tells me someone will be helping me soon. Okay. Thanks, I guess. I continue to wait. The line is a bit slow. Maybe the POS Mac notebooks need more ram. Finally I get to the young man who scans in my purchase. The process of doing this, getting the receipt, the bag and combining these things into something I can carry out is deliberate and studied, as if a sacred ritual is being performed. The Apple bag has a drawstring on it instead of handles cut into the plastic. I feel like I am being handed a bag filled with secret runes, that I am about to begin a journey of discovery to unlock the mysteries therein. Then I get the bag and get the hell out, skirting past the greeter as she nods and smiles at someone coming in.

I can’t say the experience was unpleasant but it was a little creepy. Apple doesn’t get buyers, they get converts.

I recently decided to upgrade the earphones I use on my iPod. I’d been using an inexpensive pair of JVC earphones after the Apple-supplied ones went on the fritz and they have been serviceable, but I’ve never liked the fit that much and as a consequence I play music at a higher volume due to a lot of the audio bleeding out of the earphones. Fearing a Pete Townsend-like future where I had to crank everything to 11 just to get good volume and making myself deaf in the process, I reckoned that sound-isolating earphones might be the answer.

After some research, I opted for the Shure SE110 earphones. They are described thusly on the product website: “Featuring Balanced MicroSpeakers, these sound isolating earphones deliver optimized audio for a rich, lifelike listening experience.  Assorted sleeves and a modular cable provide unmatched comfort and customization.” Sounds good! (ho ho)

My first moment of doubt comes when I observe that the earphone “nozzle” is angled, suggesting that it is meant to be inserted in a specific manner. That strikes me as a bit fiddly for something I just want to slap on. Then I see an illustration of “recommended use” and gape at this composite man wearing the earphones in a way I never have, the cables draped behind the ears. This is the preferred way, Shure says, to keep the cable secure and provide better isolation.

Okay, I am amenable to changing my ways, so I give it a shot. I don’t know if I have defective ears or simply lack coordination but I cannot keep the cable draped over my ear. It keeps sliding off and around and instead of getting a better fit or isolation, I look like I’m having an epileptic fit trying to keep the damn thing hooked over my ear. And I don’t exactly have petite ears, you know?

Since the user guide grudgingly acknowledges that the earphones can be worn the way normal humans prefer, I try that and can at least get them into my ears. Next I discover the cable is way too short. It would work if I duct-taped the iPod to one of my cheeks (the ones on my face, perv) or maybe held it in front of my nose while listening. Shure has covered this, though, and includes an extension cord that extends the length of the cable. All right, I am almost ready to listen to music!

My final step is to find the best fit with the supplied sound-isolating sleeves. There are two varieties, pliable plastic and foam and each comes in three sizes. The phones have the medium foam sleeves on and I try them but the fit is non-optimal, so I switch to the larger plastic sleeves. Initially the fit seems good so I leave them on and come the weekend, I go to take the bus downtown and whilst waiting, don my new supersonic, form-fitting earphones. And I can’t keep the damn things in my ears. The right one in particular seems to pop out at the slightest movement. They might stay in if my jaw was wired shut. The iPod teases me briefly with excellent sound-isolated music and I note that I can indeed keep the volume much lower. But alas, this is not meant to be. I trudge back home and grab the JVCs, vowing to spend more time with the sleeves later.

Maybe it’s like getting a new pair of shoes. It takes a bit to wear them in, to get comfortable. Maybe I have goofy ears. I’ll try the smaller sleeves or the foam or scotch tape or something. I’m not taking them back, though. I bought them at the Apple store downtown and that place was downright creepy. I’m not stepping foot in there again if I can help it.