Here is the full list of 50 writing prompts I’ve come up with. If someone comes across this list by entering “writing prompts” into a Google search, I offer my humble apologies. This list is not meant to be used for any sort of constructive writing exercise. If anyone manages to get genuine use out of these prompts, I commend you. Printing them out and using the paper to train puppies, however, does not count.
As promised in this post I will pick one of these fabulous prompts and actually use it in the way nature intended. It won’t be pretty. It also won’t be tonight. But soon.
- You are a contributor to The Worst Writing Prompt website and have been asked to come up with the worst writing prompt ever. What is it? Does it make people scream in horror? It should make people scream in horror.
- You have a nice ripe banana. The monkey very badly wants the banana. The monkey is cute and hungry. You refuse to give the banana to the monkey. In 500 words explain what the hell is wrong with you.
- You wake up to discover you’ve switched bodies with Karl Marx. Since Marx is dead you find yourself buried alive in his grave, slowly smothering to death under the crushing weight of the earth. Describe your day.
- You’ve always wanted to go to a Beach Boys concert and finally score tickets for the front row. Excited, you take your seat, only to find that instead of The Beach Boys, the band on stage is a bunch of skeletons wearing Hawaiian shirts and singing “Kokomo.” They sound a lot like The Beach Boys, though. Do you ask for a refund? Explain why or why not.
- Write a story about three blue jays, a raccoon and a grey whale that make a magical journey across Canada.
- You are a robot and can only speak in binary code. Write a love poem to another robot in binary code.
- In the year 2722 acid wash jeans finally come back in style. How does this affect future society?
- An old gypsy places a curse on you. You scold the gypsy for perpetuating unhealthy ethnic stereotypes. What happens next?
- Persuade a friend to become a drug addict so you can use him to research a story on drug addiction. Just write about this, don’t actually do it because if you do he will try to kill you with an axe while on a meth high.
- You find an ancient mystic lamp and rubbing it causes a genie to appear. The genie grants you 3,000 wishes. What do you wish for?
- You just had the Windows 10 music app import all of your music and it’s sorted your songs into genres such as Other, Misc, General Unclassifiable and Default. It believes Bruce Hornsby is Punk Rock. You decide to use Cortana to punish the music app, believing Windows 10’s advanced technology will allow this. What are the instructions you give to Cortana?
- One day you wake up and discover you’re a carrot, crisp, fresh and tasty. Your roommate eats you, ending your life. Write out your regrets that your roommate enjoyed healthy food.
- A giant meteor is going to destroy all life on the planet in 1,000 years. How do you plan out the rest of your life knowing this?
- Use these words in a story: agastopia, gabelle, jentacular, encephalalgia, jargogle, meringue
- A phone is ringing inside a locked room. If you can’t answer the phone something terrible will happen. Describe the breakfast you had.
- You are hired to do a 3D version of Citizen Kane set in outer space with aliens and laser beams and shit. Summarize your Oscar speech for Best Director.
- A mysterious man wants you to permanently remove ten words from the English language. All of the words will be replaced with the word “poop” because poop is funny. What’s the deal with this mysterious man and why does he find poop so funny?
- You go to work and everyone is in their underwear, just like in some crazy dream–but you aren’t wearing any. How do you address this situation without alerting the Underwear Police?
- You are having an online chat with a friend who responds to everything you say with an amusing reaction gif. Invent a device that allows you to slap him right through the screen.
- What are things you can do in 85 weeks? List them.
- Write a light-hearted piece about orphans dying in a fiery bus crash
- Make a list: 7 Signs It’s Time to Change Your Pants
- Why would a speaker be afraid of catsup?
- Start your story with this: “She touched the litterbox in her pocket and smiled.”
- In 250 words write from the point of view of a dangling participle
- One day you keep eating Bits & Bites until you weigh 10,000 pounds. You sue the company for making them too delicious but you’re too big to get to the phone and call your lawyer so instead you eat more Bits & Bites. Describe the color and shape of your phone or lawyer.
- You are ordered to press the Big Red Button. When you do the whole world blows up. Or does it? No, it doesn’t. Don’t be stupid. Write something that isn’t stupid.
- A man and a woman–let’s call them Adam and Eve–suddenly find themselves kicked out of a magical garden with only the clothes on their backs but they actually don’t have any clothes, they’re completely naked. Explain in 500 words why you are a pervert who writes about naked people.
- A woman applies for a job in tech support because she has suddenly gone mad. She is told she can only use the words “Hi”, “Did you check the cable?” and “Try rebooting” when speaking to customers. Describe how she becomes Employee of the Year.
- You can be any mineral in the world. What mineral will you be?
- Write a story featuring leprechaun witch vampires that battle zombie werewolf truckers. Then self-publish the story on Amazon and trick your friends into posting five-star reviews.
- List 500 things you’ll never do
- Write a story based on the song “Heartbreak Hotel” where staying at the hotel will cause your heart to rupture, resulting in a swift, painful death. Make it a romantic comedy.
- You and your friends have gathered around the campfire to tell spooky stories. You begin to tell yours, “The Haunted Ketchup Packet.”
- Electricity is a recent discovery. Think of 12 things to do while being electrocuted.
- In 400 words, create your ideal pudding
- Begin a story with, “His unibrow had gained sentience, just as I feared it would.”
- In 200 words, write about your first sexually transmitted disease
- Throw a rock at a little kid in the park, then write about your adventures in jail
- Godzilla and King Kong are finally getting married and you’ve been asked to write their wedding vows, then you kill them because they are big freaky monsters.
- Write from the perspective of a smart car with a brain tumor. Make it a romantic comedy.
- Using a time travel machine, the scientific genius fixes everything that was wrong with history. What sort of pants does he wear? How did they help him fix history?
- At long last Lucy lets Charlie Brown kick the football instead of yanking it away. Since you don’t own the rights to Peanuts you can’t write about this. Write about something else.
- List 9 good reasons to touch Stephen Harper’s hair
- Aliens come to Earth and threaten to vaporize the planet if we don’t reform our ways regarding war, poverty and the environment. Write about how the brave hero dazzles them with his flamenco dancing instead.
- Write from a new perspective, such as while clinging to the side of a runaway bus
- Describe a fateful meeting between Hitler and Einstein in three words
- Write from the point of view of dysentery
- Start your story with this line: Call me oatmeal
- One day you find the commentary on every social media site to be witty, insightful and well-reasoned. Write about this or some other absurd fantasy scenario.
NOTE: Some prompts have been slightly altered from the originals. The unaltered versions can be found in the earlier posts.
