I think I am in a funk. Why do I think this? A list, because, as always, I like lists:
I have been blogging a lot less lately, sometimes skipping multiple days
I have been playing PWS1PowerWash Simulator, my go-to de-stress game, to the point where I have worn out its pixels
I have the urge to draw, but do not draw
I have the urge to write, but do not write
My sleep quality has taken a dive in the last week or so
I had a few days with an unsourced headache just because (it’s gone now)
I haven’t been running in 11 days, sometimes for legit reasons, sometimes because I just didn’t want to go (note that I always feel better after running. The only time this doesn’t happen is if something goes horribly wrong on the run, like I have a close encounter with a tree root or something).
I think the cure is to just make myself do things, and I’ll naturally pull out of the funk. Why is the funk happening?
As always, it’s complicated. There are things happening. I think I am experiencing a certain sense of hopelessness in getting things–even small things2I like the word “things”–to change for the better. I don’t have much faith in people anymore. I guess that’s a big one. I don’t know that it will ever change.
I view the Cadbury creme egg as a decadent indulgence that is now forbidden, because each one would require two full 10K circuits around Burnaby Lake to burn off the calories they contain.
However, I spied a 3-pack in the store post-Easter at a discounted price I could not resist.
I had one.
It was…OK! Not particularly decadent. The surprising part is the calories per egg is only 150. I think this comes down mainly to the eggs being smaller than in days of yore. They are 40 grams each today. A cursory search of the internet suggests they may have shrunk by 7-11% in recent years. Part of it may also be that *I* was smaller when I used to eat these semi-regularly, so the eggs may have seemed bigger back then in comparison.
In any case, I’m sated now and still losing weight. Win-win!
Weird news: If you go by stats alone, it appears I’ve lost muscle and gained a little fat.
Better news: That’s not really what happened. Or at least it’s not as bad as it looks.
Basically, I did not run as much in March for various reasons, and that’s pretty much the slight loss of muscle mass. My calves are a little less sexy. The mass will come back in a few weeks. The important thing to remember is muscle is denser than fat, so losing some muscle will show up more. It also affects the overall make-up of my body, which is why my body fat is pretty much unchanged, despite losing weight. I did lose fat, but not enough to offset the muscle contraction, so as an overall part of my weight, it remains consistent. As I run more and keep away from the snacks, this should change, and the body fat percentage will finally yield and fall below 25%.
I had one Kit Kat bar this month. It was on sale.
Here’s to getting closer to 160 pounds by the end of April (I hold no illusions that I could magically lose 7.8 pounds in one month).
Stats:
Weight:
January 1, 2024: 172.3 pounds
Current: 167.8 pounds
Year to date: Down 4.5 pounds
March 1: 170.2 pounds
March 31: 167.8 pounds (down 2.4 pounds)
Body fat:
March 1: 25.8%
March 31: 25.9% (up 0.1%)
Skeletal muscle mass:
March 1: 30.2%
March 31: 29.9% (down 0.3%)
Body water:
March 1: 54.2%
March 31: 54.1% (down 0.1%)
Historical: January 1, 2022: 182.8 pounds
Specifically, I will start drinking water outside of meals. For meals, I’ll still allow myself non-sugary fizzy stuff like Pepsi Zero. We’ll see how this goes. And whether my bladder cries in anticipation.
Not a typo! I am down, for real, this month. And not just by a rounding error amount, a full 3.5 pounds. How did such sorcery happen?
As it turns out, it was simple: no snacking. That was it. I stuck to my three daily meals and had no snacks on most days. I would occasionally allow myself something small on a run day, like a banana, or a chunk of cheese. But no cookies, crackers, candy or any of that.
And here we are, 3.5 pounds later.
But it’s not enough. I need to lose a lot more. I’m still 20 pounds from my target goal of 150 and losing 3.5 pounds means it would take another 5.7 months to get there (basically, September, or the tail end of summer) and I don’t want it to take almost six months.
I have not been running as frequently, so I am going to try to be more active, which will help (and just make me healthier in general, always a good thing).
For now, I can at least savour that I am down for the month and the (short) year. And to that, I offer a hearty woot.
Fake edit: Looking at the stats over the month, there’s been very little change. My body fat is slightly higher, which makes sense in that if my total weight is down, the percentage of my body that is roly-poly fat may increase a bit overall (at least in the short term). My muscle mass has gone down, which also makes sense due to the decrease in exercise.
Weight:
January 1, 2024: 172.3 pounds
Current: 170.5 pounds
Year to date: Down 1.8 pounds
February 1: 174 pounds
February 29: 170.5 pounds (down 3.5 pounds)
Body fat:
February 1: 26.1%
February 29: 26.0% (down 0.1%)
Skeletal muscle mass:
February 1: 30.7%
February 29: 30.3% (down 0.4%)
Body water:
February 1: 54.0%
February 29: 54.0% (unchanged)
Historical: January 1, 2022: 182.8 pounds
You might be thinking, “What kind of hippie malarkey1Malarkey is officially my Word of the Week. is this?” And I would answer, it’s the best kind!
Because what “Touch a tree” really means is go outside for a walk and do it somewhere with nature and junk, not just down the sidewalk to the local Subway. Which I can do as there are areas like that no more than 10–15 minutes walking time from where I live.
And yes, today, I did touch a tree (I kind of cheated, because it was near a sidewalk, though I was not close to a Subway at the time).
I have been thinking about this. When I apply it to myself, I think of things like:
Weighing in at 187.5 pounds and resolving to lose weight by changing what I eat. I lost over 40 pounds over the following six months (this particular one is a war, not a battle, and it goes on forever).
Deciding (well, being told) I need exercise, so I started running in 2009. I have now tracked over 6,140 km of running.
I pretty much gave up on drawing something like 20 years ago, then started again and now have hundreds of sketches, comics, doodlings and art to show for it.
I didn’t want to stay single, so I started dating again. I’m now 14 years into a relationship.
I could go on, but you get the idea–these are all self-improvement type things. I did change by getting slimmer, healthier, and all that. But as an actual person, the stuff that makes me me, have I changed? Like, if I was always horribly mean to, I don’t know, boll weevils1I am not, nor have I ever been, horribly mean to boll weevils, am I still horribly mean to them today? If I was, could I change that?
It’s one thing to say, “I will no longer consider donuts a food group”, it’s another to vow to be kinder, nicer, or even just mellower. I could achieve some of this more ephemeral stuff through certain techniques–yoga and meditation come to mind–but even those would require a change first. Meditation requires you to be still, to quiet your mind. My mind doesn’t like being quiet. It blares all the time. My brain has opinions on everything that passes through it and shares all of them with me all the time. But if I really dedicated myself, could I break through the noise and find the quiet? And if I did, would there be add-on effects? Would I become more focused? Would I feel calmer? Appear more thoughtful? Stop asking so many questions?
I don’t know.
But I do know that I want to try.
Take this post from February 4th, An airplane up in the sky. It seems innocuous. It’s exactly what it says on the tin–a photo of a plane I took flying overhead. What you don’t know is that the original version of this post was completely different–a short, snarky comment about how we didn’t have enough reports on Apple’s Vision Pro headset2For those reading in the far future, the Vision Pro had just been released and was getting a lot of coverage. I included the modified Apple press image I made (which, to be honest, still amuses me). I hit the ol’ Publish button in WordPress and sent it out to the world.
Then I thought, “What does this bit of snark bring to the world? Is it especially clever or cutting? Will it make people laugh? Will it make people roll their eyes? What would someone do to a boll weevil after reading this?” And I decided it was just a piece of negativity that added nothing and had no reason to be. I could have deleted the post, but felt it would be better, or more fitting, to take a recycling approach to it, and keep it, but change the title, the content and the image. So, everything. And I felt better when the plane went up in its place.
I want to be the person who posts planes before snark. Can I be that person?
I’ll try.
Efforts on this will be documented here later as either inspirational pieces or object lessons in what not to do.
What I love about this AI-generated image: It doesn’t look anything like me, and I’m up 2.6 pounds, not 52.6 pounds. Also, the prompt completely missed adding the bathroom scale, so the guy is just standing in the bathroom in a defeated pose. I give it 4 out of 5 sticks of butter!
It all happened so fast. And so fat.
The first half of the month, I was trending down–down! The right direction! Then on January 14 my weight jumped 1.7 pounds overnight, followed by another 0.4 pound gain the next night. This left me 1.6 pounds up for the month, and I never truly recovered. I came close, but on the 29th I had another 1.6 pound overnight increase that sunk me for good.
I can’t explain these sudden increases, they just happen because the body is weird. But what I can say, based on experience, is that these huge, sudden increases are never offset by huge, sudden decreases. When you mega-gain™ overnight, your body is basically putting you into Hard Mode, forcing you to put in that much more extra effort to get back on track.
And I did not. My weight loss train hit a bad switch and is now rumbling along a line through the Fatlands.
This time I am not going to make predictions, or come up with a clever plan. I’m just going to exercise regularly and eat sensibly. We’ll see what happens!
Bonus stats analysis, because I love stats:
Body fat was up, but only by a modest 0.2%
Muscle mass was also up slightly, which is actually impressive, considering how little I ran in January due to The Great Deep Freeze with Snow
Body water is basically unchanged, which is normal
Conclusion: Despite the extra weight, my stats actually seem to suggest things are not as bad as they seem? Maybe?
Weight:
January 1, 2024: 172.3 pounds
Current: 174.9 pounds
Year to date: Up 2.6 pounds
January 1: 172.3 pounds
January 31: 174.9 pounds (up 2.6 pounds)
Body fat:
January 1: 25.2%
January 31: 25.4% (up 0.2%)
Skeletal muscle mass:
January 1: 30.5%
January 31: 30.8% (up 0.3%)
Body water:
January 1: 54.6%
January 31: 54.5% (down 0.1%)
Historical: January 1, 2022: 182.8 pounds
My watch thinks I’m doing a lousy job of sleeping and handling stress. But no naps!
My Garmin Forerunner 255 gives me a morning report every day. It sums up a few stats, like my sleep score and body battery, then sends me off for my daily adventures. It’s a nice little feature.
Lately, though, it’s been giving me less welcome news. You had a lousy sleep. Too much stress. Try to relax. Get better sleep. Exercise. Then rest. Why are you so stressed?
Through all of this, I haven’t felt notably different.
Take last night. If you asked me this morning to rate my sleep score, I would have guessed around 70 or so (on a scale of 1 to 100). Average, nothing special. But my actual sleep score was 47 and the description was this:
Non-restorative
You slept long enough, but not well enough to bring your stress levels down overnight. You might feel higher stress or fatigue today.
Reading this does cause me stress, so it is at least partly accurate. It also meant that my body battery (which can also go to 100) began below 50 and is currently down to 9 at 4 p.m. I’m being told I had an active day and to rest. I’m not sure how low my body battery can go, but I’ll take this as a good excuse to laze around for the rest of the day.
In the meantime, I need to figure out what is causing the phantom stress and poor sleep. While I think the watch is exaggerating things, there may be some subtle change that is actually stressing me out without me being overtly aware of it.
So maybe my watch is just, uh, watching out for me1Really, it’s the natural thing to say. It’s technically not a pun.. I’ll report back if things improve, get worse, or get weird. Basically, I’ll follow-up.
I mean, apart from stuff like existing, breathing and such.
And that thing is logging into MyFitnessPal on a daily basis. Behold today’s login:
Not accounting for leap years, this works out to logging in every day for 10.95 years. And in that time, my weight has gone up (to a high of 187 pounds in 2008) and down (to a low of 143 pounds in 2012) to various levels in-between (I am currently struggling with getting my weight down again, though I’m well clear of hitting 187, at least. For now, anyway. Check back with me in a few cookies months).
I stepped on the scale today and remember when we used modems to connect to BBSes and the early internet in the 80s and 90s and the modem would make this weird, screeching sound while connecting?
That’s what I did when I stepped on the scale.
I was up 1.2 pounds, another one of those big, fat overnight weight gains.
But in the spirit of a new year and new possibilities, I choose to take this as a chance to demonstrate how I can easily come down from my new, fatty height. Let us observe where I was in years past on January 1:
OK, I clearly fudged (hehe) up over the course of 2023, but I am still down 10.5 pounds from my portly state of 2022, so that remains a good thing. And this year I will continue to mind my snacking, stay active and do things that aren’t eating donuts, so I am confident the number a year from now will be…lower.
And I’ll burn more calories by blogging more. Let’s see if I can keep up a pace of at least two posts per day. I’m 1 for 1 so far!
