Run 519: Smoke, construction, heat, humidity and poop

Run 519
Average pace: 5:41/km
Location: Burnaby Lake (CW)
Start: 10:14 am
Distance: 10.02 km
Time: 57:18
Weather: Smoke haze, sun
Temp: 23-25ºC
Humidity: 58%
Wind: light
BPM: 152
Weight: 159.0 pounds
Total distance to date: 4033 km
Devices: Apple Watch, iPhone

The run conditions were almost identical to Monday’s yet I definitely felt I had more spring in my step for the first km, as evidenced by my 5:11/km pace. That ended quickly, as further evidenced by the second km pace being 5:42/km. The last three km felt much like a slog and while my eyes didn’t burn quite the same as they did two days ago, by the time I approached the 9K mark I was ready for the run to be over.

Let me back up and set up another complication that made the desire to stop running even stronger.

Before leaving I went to the bathroom. I mean, I physically went into the bathroom, but nothing happened. My bowels remained silent and unmoved. Fine. I’d have one more chance when I got to the lake. I got to the lake and contemplated the Johnny Potty or whatever it’s called. I looked at the name but all I can recall now is the word Johnny. I like to think it is really called Johnny Potty and is named after someone who is legally known as Johnny Potty.

This time the bowel stirred, slightly. It may have been the heat. The temperature on the walk to the lake shot up from 19ºC to 23ºC and then up to 25ºC during the run. But again, no action in the ol’ “gotta go” department so I headed off and again, it was fine.

As I passed the 9K mark (meaning I had a little over five minutes to go) it suddenly became very much not fine. I had to go like I had never gone before. The urge was more than that, it was a command, a command delivered with great authority, a command you could not ignore. But I had to finish the run. Running, as I mentioned before on this blog, is about the worst thing you can do if you want to quiet a nascent bowel movement. Because you are agitating all your innards, see?

In the end (ho ho) I made it but it was an extremely close thing. Also, the Johnny Potty was a literal sweatbox. But at least there was toilet paper and hand sanitizer. The day was so humid the sanitizer would not dry on my hands until I had nearly exited the park.

Oh, and I did a 10K run, too.

After the speedy start I settled into a pace close to my overall average of 5:41/km for most of the run and it wasn’t too bad. I still sweated buckets and never exactly tore up the trail, but it was no worse than other recent runs.

Speaking of torn-up trails, today was the first weekday run that wasn’t also a holiday so I figured the crews would be out resurfacing the trail and they were. The shovel and little tractor/hopper that was getting filled with gravel were in the parking lot, so I knew I wouldn’t encounter them on the trail. I did come across a putt-putt car that took up most of the width of the trail not far into the South Shore segment. Ahead of it a guy was using one of those vibrating devices that has a belt that magically flattens and compresses the fresh gravel. I had to actually stop running to navigate around. Before I encountered him I came across several hundred meters of fresh gravel piled high along the middle of the trail. This stuff is basically impossible to run on, so you stick to the edges, but the edges are mushy and uneven so the whole thing is a bit of a trial. I nearly twisted a foot but I got through without face-planting.

The road construction crew at the rowing pavilion parking lot were out but no heavy equipment was in operation so I skittered across without having to worry about being crushed under a steamroller. One of the road workers even nodded to me as I ran by. He was kind of cute. He was probably nodding as if to say, “You can do it, just a little farther before you poop your shorts!”

The athletic fields were again covered in geese, all of them standing around or pecking at the grass. All except one, which was sitting there, in defiance of the others. When I looked straight at this one goose it immediately stood and started pecking the ground, as if I had caught it slacking off. “That’s right, poopmonster, get busy!” I pretended to shout at it.

Near the 3K signpost I passed a group of about six police and at least one park worker, all of them standing in a circle and discussing something. It seemed like a peculiar place for a discussion so there must have been shenanigans at play. This was possibly corroborated when I emerged from the Spruce Loop and noticed a sawhorse across the main trail with a “Trail Closed – Detour” sign on it.

I still don’t know what actually happened. But something!

It was not long after this that The Bowel Incident occurred. The bowel km was also the slowest, for reasons I hope are obvious.

When I got home all sweaty and stinky I wanted nothing more than to have a nice shower or a bath with invigorating Epsom salts. But thanks to a power outage last night we had no hot water. I ended up soaking in the hot tub at the Canada Games Pool with Jeff and having a shower there, which turned out to be perfectly decent. I always feel a little naughty dunking the Apple Watch into the water but the reality is it probably needed a good cleaning.

Overall I’m pleased that I turned in a decent pace given the ongoing terrible conditions (current forecast says the weather will change by the weekend) and basically everything else about the run other than the pace also being terrible.

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