Hey, I thought, I already posted an amusing cat video yesterday and I can’t do it two days in a row. It would be like giving up on writing altogether, however adorable the resultant video might be. And it’s too early in the new year to give up on writing. That got me thinking…new year…writing…hey, why not a bunch of dumb writing prompts using a holiday theme? And here they are, in chronological order:
New Year’s: Baby New Year and Father Time meet up as they often do in the funny papers. In 1,000 words or less, write about their debate over the mistakes of the past and the futility of the future. Since Baby New Year is a baby he just poops his diaper and cries a lot.
Valentine’s Day: Write a story from the perspective of Cupid, except this year Cupid decides to shoot people with arrows that don’t make them fall in love with each other, instead the arrows just injure and kill. Why has Cupid become so hurtful? Has he become jaded and cynical over the commercialization of Valentine’s Day? Is he trying to re-enact the St. Valentine’s Day massacre? Is he cranky after attempting to have a conversation with Baby New Year? Follow your heart, in 500 words or less.
Easter: It’s the fight of the century! In one corner, the Easter Bunny, in the other corner, Jesus Christ. Write a light-hearted romp that pits these two lovable characters against each other. Who will be King of Easter? Only your muse knows!
Arbor Day: If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be? Bonus: include a drawing of the tree.
Mother’s Day: On The Police’s 1983 album, Synchronicity, there is a song called “Mother.” It is the worst song ever in the history of everything. Rewrite this song so your mother would not immediately disown you if you presented it to her.
Father’s Day: Write a dirty limerick for your father. If you hate your father (perhaps he really likes that Police song) write a clean limerick instead. If your father is dead or missing, you may roll the dice again.
Halloween: Write a short story based on one of the following entertainment-themed scary ideas:
- Seinfeld never gets canceled
- Pink Floyd reunites to record “The Wall II” with special guests One Direction and Meatloaf
- Aliens arrive and use advanced DRM to make all of your media inaccessible, then leave the planet, laughing as they go
Thanksgiving: Write a touching drama from the perspective of the turkey about to be eaten. Use the following words in your story: gobble, thwack, cry and delicious.
Christmas: Jolly Old St. Nick turns out to be an alcoholic and he’s on another bender with the holiday just around the corner. Write a story about how Christmas is saved by people realizing it’s not about the accumulation of material gifts, it’s about the birth of Christ. Just kidding. Write about the desperate attempts by the elves to sober up Santa and get him onto the sleigh without killing anyone. If kids don’t get their presents there’s going to be heck to pay! Bonus: Include Frosty the Snowman as a supporting character/comic relief.