Michael Stipe’s Hair: A Tragedy in Three Acts

Act I: Long, golden locks. A rock god, even if they airbrushed my face on album photos.

Speak out sometimes but try to win.

Act II: I’m not losing my hair, I just like hats. No, I love hats. You touch this hat, you die.

Hello my friend, are you visible today?

Act III: Hair is full of germs and a symbol of the patriarchy. Yeah, that’s it. I have shaved my head in protest. Coincidentally I no longer love hats.

What’s the frequency, Kenneth?

Bonus Act: I grew a big, bushy crazy old man beard because why not?

Mine smell like honey.

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