Move to Australia. It’s winter there! Just try to avoid the poison animals. So maybe don’t move there.
Dig a hole in your backyard that’s about 10 feet deep, where it’s always nice and cool. Convince Amazon to deliver your sunscreen there. I’m kidding, don’t use Amazon, they’re a terrible company.
Remember to stop activities before heatstroke, not after.
Sand is your friend. I mean, it’s not, but if you go to the beach, you’re going to have to pretend.
Notice how trees have all their leaves in the summer? Trees are your friends (unlike sand, which just gets in your shorts). Touch trees all summer, to keep in the shade and rekindle the primitive soul within. But mostly to keep out of the relentlessly cruel hot sun.
Remember how winter is six months of steady rain? It doesn’t matter that winter is only three months of the year, it’s still six months of rain. Think about how you are getting a nice sexy tan now instead of plodding through endless puddles from endless rain.
Heat domes are still rare! This is not a tip, but is helpful in managing expectations when people start going on about how it’s too hot. Manage those expectations! Everyone loves the, “Well, actually, it could be hotter…” guy! That guy could be you. Also works for all other genders. Note: Everyone may not actually love this person.
Do not listen to the 1992 album Summer in Paradise by The Beach Boys. Do you really want to hear Mike Love rap? (You do not.)
