who complains about the complainers

On why venting doesn’t work

air conditioner unit near wall of modern building on street
This type of venting does work! Photo by ready made on Pexels.com

A few months ago, I stopped reading and posting at Broken Forum, after being a member there since its inception in January 2012. The main reason was pretty simple: I got tired of most threads and discussions being complaints about everything. The forum is dominated by a few voices, and these people are largely given to complain about things. I am certainly not complaint-free myself–though I’ve tried! The last couple of posts I’ve made here have been more negative than usual. Who knew monitor stands could rile me up so much? The general state of humanity is perhaps a bit more understandable.

I came across this article on Slate via Pocket: Venting doesn’t work

Here’s a quote from the end of the article, with some techniques on how to counter the urge to vent. I especially like the imagery of the macarena-inspired technique:

There are lots of other things you can do when overwhelmed by negative emotion. Try “square breathing,” four breaths in and four breaths out, in order to take your body out of fight-or-flight mode. If that doesn’t work, there’s another schoolteacher trick: Cross your arms in front of you like steps five and six of the macarena; make fists, pretending one holds a bouquet and the other a candle; breathe in the roses; and blow out the flame. Psychologists call techniques like this “psychological distancing,” and studies show that they’re an effective way to defuse upsetting emotions like anger. When a modicum of calm descends, try to identify the root of your frustration by asking yourself: “Why am I so upset about this?” Ultimately, anger is like smoke. You have to get at what’s feeding the fire. After sitting with your emotions, move forward by problem-solving, scheduling a future time to discuss underlying issues, or using any number of other healthy coping mechanisms.

I like the excellent timing of this article showing up just after I lapsed into a bit of venty behavior. It’s helped me step back and calm back down. I am not committing to the macarena, though. Not yet, anyway.

Combating your posting inner demon

Actually it may not even be an inner demon at all but one who hangs around, possibly on your shoulder if small or casually leaning nearby if not, like a shifty friend you can never quite trust.

I am speaking about the urge to post things on message forums that go against both your natural inclination and also your reputation, such as it may be, on the forum in question.

I was once cynical as all get-out and prone to sarcasm that was as thick as maple syrup on a wintry day. The cynicism has faded over time but the sarcastic impulse remains. I indulge myself from time to time, often making myself the primary target.

The difficult moments are when I see someone post something blatantly dumb, redundant or whiny and I fight this hill giant-sized urge to say something sarcastic. I stop myself by thinking about the irony in making a negative comment about something I see as a negative comment.

So instead I keep quiet and soothe myself by tooling around in GTA3 for a bit. As noted in my previous post on GTA3 this inevitably ends with me flipping the vehicle and blowing it up. It would be cathartic if it was intentional but I’m just a really lousy virtual driver.

And a nice guy. So instead of saying it elsewhere I’ll just say it here:

Some people sure complain a lot.