When The Onion comes to the local mall

I was in Metrotown this past weekend and as always it is a bewildering experience, as there are about five thousand stores and a hundred times as many people buzzing through the mall between them.

I did get a pair of glasses and prescription sunglasses at Lenscrafters, though. The experience was surprisingly easy, the woman who helped me was knowledgeable and a couple of promotions made the two pairs (eight eyes, lol!!) decently affordable. The only downside is they won’t be ready until I am partway through vacation. My own fault for waiting so long to get my prescription updated.

While there I spotted an outlet that is Coming Soon® and did a double-take, because it seemed more like something you’d see in an Onion story than an actual retail store. But no, it is real:

I especially like the guy on the left looking like he is about to plow into some meter-high pink monster cone.

It turns out Sweet Jesus is a chain that started out east and is only just starting to open locations out west, like the one above in Metrotown. Their menu seems to be based primarily around frozen treats containing 32,000 calories each. I’m not necessarily objecting.

It’s kind of a ballsy name, though. Do Christians feel good about going there for sundaes? Is it sacrilegious or sacrilicious?

I’ll find out this summer, because I’m definitely going to try…something.

Leave a Comment