All Out: A Father and Son Confront the Hard Truths That Made Them Better Men by Kevin Newman
My rating: 4 of 5 stars
Perhaps the most interesting aspect of All Out is that Kevin and Alex Newman wrote their own chapters independent of each other, allowing the reader to directly compare the father’s and son’s take on events and more importantly, how the two saw each other, which forms the heart of the book.
And they often saw each other very differently, creating a tension that existed between the two men until they were both adults.
In a journey that starts with the senior Newman co-hosting CBC’s Miidday, moves onto his brief (and disastrous) stint as co-host of Good Morning America, and ends with him back in Canada as part of CTV’s W5, Kevin Newman provides insights and observations about the TV news business, ranging from the long hours that necessitated so much time away from his family, the sometimes farcical demands of producers and handlers (on Good Morning America he was asked to dye his eyelashes to make them darker and presumably more masculine) and ultimately how for decades his work defined so much of his existence–at the expense of family and life outside work.
Alex’s journey begins as a young boy, sensitive and creative, bullied in school and seemingly failing at living up to the masculine ideals of his father, showing little interest in sports or other “guy” pursuits.
It comes to a head when at age 17 Alex realizes he is gay and comes out to his family. Or rather, he tries to come out but his father actually cuts him off at the pass, so to speak, by asking his son (who had called a family meeting), “Is this about your sexuality?” From that awkward beginning, the two start a process of testing and challenging each to accept each other as they are, not as they wish they were.
For Kevin he finally realizes that work is just work and family matters more. He lets go of his own hangups regarding what he sees as the masculine ideal and confronts his discomfort with homosexuality. In the process he achieves a breakthrough in his relationship with his son and with his own father as well.
Alex’s struggle with being gay stems not so much from being afraid of how others would see him–virtually everyone he knows was accepting–but in how it defined him in a way that he didn’t like. Being gay meant he could never be that ideal son that Kevin wanted and tried so much to shape through the years. At his darkest moments he contemplates suicide, as many gay youth do, but a network of friends and acquaintances keeps him from going too far into the abyss.
The writing by both men is fine if not extraordinary, though Alex ably captures the voice and mentality of his younger self. Kevin’s behind-the-scenes look at TV news is in some ways quietly horrifying and in other ways warmly affirming–it turns out Peter Jennings really was a warm, wonderful person. But it is the intertwined story of the two men that speaks strongest here, and it is difficult to not be moved by the self-realizations that allowed Kevin to fully embrace his son for who he is–and to finally let go of the mental baggage he had carried for decades, allowing him to finally, truly be content.
And not have to worry about dying his eyelashes ever again.
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