One of my gaming pals of yore posted this from a Bluesky thread, and it’s kind of delightful. It’s called The Death Generator, but despite the title, it just lets you change the text seen in a myriad of gaming screenshots.
I immediately went for the infamous Call of Duty “Press F to pay respects” interactive cutscene:
And discovered the generator preserves your text so you can re-use it:
This also made me nostalgic for the Windows 95 UI.
Check it out and make your mischief.
I remember when I would go with friends to a video arcade to play games, circa 1980 to around the early 90s. We’d get a roll of quarters ($10, or 40 plays for most games, except maybe new ones or fancy ones using laser discs like Dragon’s Lair) and we’d spend (ho ho) a few hours bopping from machine to machine, sometimes playing in turns (Player 1, Player 2), sometimes playing co-op (Mario Bros.) or head-to-head (Joust). It was great fun (kids, ask your parents!)
But the brutal reality was that the games were designed like slots–to give you just enough to keep you coming back. And that’s if you were a half-decent player. I was maybe three-quarters1I swear this is not a quarters joke decent. Still, I persisted and on some games I was respectable, like the aforementioned Mario Bros. or Space Ace, another laser disc game where I managed to memorize the moves so I could play through the entire game on a single quarter (after it dropped in price to a single quarter).
But there were so many games that I adored, but kind of sucked at. Most of them were made by Williams:
And yes, Sinistar. Not only was I not great at the game, it had voice synthesis, so Sinistar himself offered commentary on my pathetic efforts. “Run, coward, run!” That’s the idea, my interstellar disembodied terror head! This only made it all the more satisfying when I did manage to blow Sinistar up. He screamed something fierce.
Here’s the actual video from above if you want to journey back to 1983:
I can’t say for sure, but here are some theories:
This is a promotion for World of Warcraft I saw in the battle.net launcher tonight. I assume a lack of proofreading here, or my concept of BEST VALUE is different from Blizzard’s.
Fake edit: I checked and both the 6 and 12-month deals save you 13%, so the 6-month deal is just secret best value.
I am not resubscribing to WoW, BTW. But I still have all of my magical memories.
This is borrowed from a thread on Mastodon in which the author posts a single game every day for 20 days, without explanation, that fit the criteria of “games that had an impact on me.”
I’m going to do my own variation here, listing out all 20 games, roughly in chronological order. Because I am olde, this also serves as a gaming history of sorts.
Coming soon: I edit the list after remembering a bunch of games. Also, an explanation behind each game, in defiance of the Mastodon thread, because I make my own rules, baby.
I own two consoles currently (well, four, if you count two that are stashed away–my Xbox One and Nintendo DS Lite): an Xbox Series X and a Nintendo Switch.
The Xbox is used pretty much every day–as a streaming box and media player. The Switch mostly sits idle. I bought two games for it, early in the pandemic (Super Mario with Flying Hat1Super Mario Odyssey and Animal Crossing: Subtitle2New Horizon). I have never actually purchased a game outright for my Xbox, though I have games for older Xboxes available for play, if I get the urge to jump into, say, Lode Runner.
This is to say that while I spent my teen years playing various consoles, among them the first consoles ever (Atari 2600, Intellivision, ColecoVision), by the time the next big wave of consoles arrives with the NES in 1985, I’d already moved onto home computers (an Atari 400 in 1982 and one with a “real” keyboard, a Commodore 64, in 1984).
And yet I have two current gen consoles that I do no play games on. Why did I even get them? With the Switch, it was a desire to get games that Nintendo simply doesn’t make available anywhere else. Then I never played the games, because if I really want an Animal Crossing-ish experience, I can always play Stardew Valley on my PC or something like it if I want.
For the Xbox, all the big releases are also pretty much on PC, plus I just don’t feel like sitting on the couch to play games. I like plugging in headphones and immersing myself with a screen right there in front of me. Also, the couch sucks, so it would probably kill my back for longer gaming sessions.
And I think I view consoles differently because of my age. I was young enough to experience the first consoles, then “move on” from them when technologically superior computers came out, and skipped pretty much everything that came after from Sony, Nintendo and (briefly) Sega.
I got an original Xbox in 2002 (?) in part because it didn’t feel like much of a leap from a PC–something that would dog the Xbox forever more (“just play on PC!”) It remains the console for which I got the most games, and played the most, too. It was fine. I also lived alone when I had it, which I think made it feel more like playing games on my PC.
Anyway, just a Sunday morning ramble to explain why my two consoles either sit collecting dust or never get used for actual games.
When I got my first PC in 1994 (30 years ago!) I had to choose between Intel or AMD for the CPU. I chose AMD because their Am486 DX-40 CPU was both faster than the 33 MHz Intel equivalent, and cheaper. Win-win!
It served me well for several years.
Around the same time, a friend of mine, flush with money earned by working on the railroad (all the live long day) also got his own PC, but because he was Mr. Moneypants, he got a tricked out Intel 486 CPU running at 66 MHz.
We both had the game Crusader: No Remorse, which came out in 1995 and remains one of my favourite PC games of all time, despite having a shall we say, somewhat inelegant control scheme.
You can’t see any in the screenshot below, but if you look at the flashing red light on the wall, it’s about the same size as fans you would see spinning away in the game, as fans do. And this is where I saw that 26 MHz could make a big difference–on my friend’s PC, the fans spun smoothly. On mine, they hitched, like the wiring in them was funky or something. It made me a bit sad, and a little jealous.
Today, 26 MHz is about as relevant to CPUs as the first horseless carriages are to today’s electric vehicles, but back in the 1990s every new processor (save budget models) brought significant, noticeable speed boosts. It was in that environment that tech sites like AnandTech flourished, and I can see why it and other similar sites are dying off now–today, most people buy laptops and just deal with whatever it has when it comes to gaming (unless they are hardcore enough to seek out gaming laptops), or you have the enthusiast/gamer market where people aren’t looking for all-around good systems, but ones that can excel at playing very demanding games, cost oodles of money and have enough lights on them to be seen from space.
But yeah, for a time, if you wanted smoothly spinning fans in your games, a couple of hundred dollars more could buy you that.
I tried the Half Sword demo again, because I figured I was missing something obvious when I could not pick up anything, such as a weapon, or a nice pair of pants.
At first, I was again befuddled. But I did learn how to take fancy shots in camera mode. Observe me standing over the clothes I can’t put on:
This was progress, of a sort, but I persevered, because I was not going to spend an entire demo in my underwear, no matter how enticing it might seem.
It turns out when the onscreen instruction says Press E/Q to interact, what it really means is Tap E/Q to interact. If you press (and hold) either key, nothing happens. If you just tap the key instead, voilà! Pants will attach to your legs! Weapons will jump into your hands! Behold:
This was exciting! I was now partially dressed and confident I could pick up a weapon, as soon as I found one. But before I could, some mean guy showed up and pummelled me to death.
I restarted and this time I found no clothes, but did find a table with two weapons. Weapons are better than clothes. I would fight in my underwear, and I would win!
Luckily, I did find a jaunty cap and jacket shortly before another very mean person showed up, wielding a small sledgehammer. The lack of pants would make me swifter and more nimble, I was sure.
I flailed about to fend him off. It did not go well.
Strangely, he didn’t seem able to finish me off, leading to a curious stalemate where I could not get up, but he could not win.
I ended up having to Press G to give up. This was disappointing. But next time, I will find pants, and I will be unstoppable! Next time, the Very Dramatic music will be noting my victory!
One of my internet pals suggested I try the Half Sword1I have no idea what Half Sword means. I assume you get the pointy part of the sword, at least. demo on Steam. “It uses physics a lot,” he said.
I loaded up the demo and was dismayed to find you can’t rebind the keys, so I had to use WASD. I am weird and use EDSF, but I figured I could adjust for one demo.
Once in the demo proper, I found my character laying on the ground, dressed only in his skivvies. It looked like it would be cold and kind of uncomfortable. I was told to press forward to stand. I did, and I did. I then walked over to a table that had some kind of dagger on it, along with a nice pair of pants. The demo said Press E/Q to interact. I tried both keys but my interaction seemed rather limited. The pants and dagger remained untouched. I eventually sort of rubbed up against the table and managed to knock over a bench next to it. Progress.
I then wandered off into the dark and the music got Very Dramatic. I found another nearby table, with a lamp and an axe. Maybe there was a sword, too? I tried interacting with them. I failed. But then the demo told me to use the mouse to swing my arm. Presumably while holding a weapon, like an axe or sword.
I went back to the first table and swung my arm. I knocked the pants onto the floor. The music continued to be Very Dramatic. I knocked the dagger onto the floor, too.
Then I realized four minutes had passed and exited the demo.
I conclude with a screenshot of my internet pal in the demo. As you can see, he could also not get his pants on, but did actually pick up a weapon, then broke one of his arms wielding it.
The promise:
The reality:
For this May 4th1May the Fourth be with you, see? lol etc., I was originally going to do a list ranking the Star Wars games I’ve played, then I realized, despite there being about a million Star Wars games, I’ve only played a few, so ranking them would be kind of silly.
I played Jedi Knight (Dark Forces II) in 1997, and it was awesome. As an early 3D shooter, its graphics are incredibly dated now, but it still retains its best features: an engaging story that moves you across the galaxy, a slow accumulation of nifty force powers, the eventual acquisition of a light saber. And the level design had a sense of scale that few shooters I’ve played since have really captured. Some games (like it’s not-quite 3D predecessor) have gotten remakes, but this one remains unloved, which is a shame.
The sequel, Jedi Outcast, looks better (it uses the Quake engine) and while it’s fine, I feel it falls short of Jedi Knight–though the light saber action is improved. I bought that sequel to that game, Jedi Academy, but strangely never played it.
I also played Star Wars: The Old Republic, creating a bunch of characters, getting them into the 20s, then repeating the process until I’d filled every character slot. I got to see several planets and engage in sufficient pew-pew. It was fine as MMOs go, but I never stuck to it, though I’m not sure if it was the game specifically, or just that I was burning out on all MMOs at that point. I did create maybe the creepiest Jedi ever:
Oh, and I remember playing the Star Wars arcade game that came out in 1983. It had colour vector graphics, which was very spiffy back then, and used sound and voice samples from the movies. That was a good time and a trusty quarter-eater.
I played tiny bits of:
And this concludes my Star Wars game adventures. May you live long and prosper with the force.
Wordle 995 4/6
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I mean, it seems kind of silly to post my Wordle scores, but it’s #2 on this list!
Edit: Hilariously, my blog will not display the block characters due to an ancient database.
Here’s an image, which it can still handle:
P.S. I will not be doing this again.