The really really slow, lip-smacking run

Run 370
Average pace: 5:59/km
Location: Burnaby Lake (CCW)
Distance: 5.03 km
Time: 30:06
Weather: Sunny
Temp: 16-21ºC
Wind: moderate
Calories burned: 385
Weight: 166 pounds
Total distance to date: 3060
Device used: iPhone 6

I skipped the run last Sunday because I was feeling fat and lazy. I was also actually fat and lazy.

Vowing not to skip again, I suited up today under unusually summer-like conditions, with clear skies and the temperature climbing to a balmy 21ºC by the end of the run.

On the plus side, I experienced no issues in terms of cramps or other discomfort, there were no cyclists on the trail, the two large groups of walkers I encountered were well-organized and didn’t block my way and the weather, of course, was gorgeous. Although it felt warm it was not uncomfortable (the lip-smacking is in reference to my mouth and lips feeling dry, something I wouldn’t normally expect in mid-April conditions. The trail itself was in good condition, having been dry for some days, so no puddle-dodging required.

The one bad part, other than the left foot feeling sore post-run (most keenly on the last 2.5 km of the walk home) was my pace. I was super slow, managing to come in 17 seconds over my previous pace on Easter. It was my first 5K in a long time in which I finished with a time over 30 minutes. Within the first few hundred meters I knew it was going to be a slog and I simply could not muster any gas to even finish with a pseudo-sprint. Put it this way: my first km was 5:34/km. I was in danger of having feisty old grannies walking by me.

I dropped 19% after 2 km to 6:38/km before finding some small reserve of energy, finishing each of the next three km with a pace of 5:54 or 5:55/km. I am somewhat encouraged that at least the bottom didn’t keep falling out. I am further mollified by the fact that I ran at the same pace three years ago, on April 16 2012. I am less mollified that it was a 10K run. I probably would have ended a 10K today curled up in a ball near the side of the trail.

Still, my plan is to resume my thrice-weekly runs starting this week, so the next is set for Tuesday. I’ll gauge in the next week or so if I’m ready to jump back into 10Ks again.

I’ve also added my weight to the stats at the top of each jogging post to see if it correlates at all. I’m currently 166 pounds, with a target of 150 pounds (my average weight in 2012 when running was around 145 pounds). Will shedding those 16 pounds make me fly like an eagle, albeit an eagle with strangely human legs? We shall see.

Book review: North American Lake Monsters

North American Lake Monsters: StoriesNorth American Lake Monsters: Stories by Nathan Ballingrud

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

This collection of short stories by Nathan Ballingrud could also be called Deeply Troubled Men and the Monsters They Hang Out With. Each story chronicles men who are trapped in unhappy relationships, who are spiritually lost or battling booze, drugs and shambling horrors, which are sometimes also their wives. The writing is full and ripe, like a bloated watermelon sitting on a picnic table under the furnace glare of the late August sun, ready to explode in a gout of watery pulp. Ballingrud loves similes (and metaphors) the way a cat loves a mouse. Both are sought after and mauled with great enthusiasm.

Do you like a little humor sprinkled about to lighten the mood of otherwise grim, dark stories? You will find none here. These stories may vary slightly in tone but they are all very, very serious. Whether it’s a boy becoming a vampire or a man running from a werewolf, these tales are relentlessly bleak. Do you want sympathetic characters? That’s also difficult to find. Most of the men are detached, emotionally distant/stunted, often the source of their own troubles, with the horror elements used to highlight how terrible and flawed they are (“Wild Acre”, the aforementioned werewolf story, is a good example of this, as the werewolf amounts to little more than window dressing for a story about a troubled man and his ongoing financial and marital problems, made worse because, well, werewolf).

The closing story and one exclusive to this collection, “The Good Husband” can be read as darkly humorous, given the increasingly ludicrous turns the story takes. Perhaps I wasn’t correctly seeing the earnestness of the prose as very dry sarcasm. It didn’t help that the characters felt somewhat unreal throughout (more understandable with the wife, with her being dead/not quite dead). Still a great premise, though.

There is no denying Ballingrud’s skill at creating evocative imagery (if sometimes going a bit further than needed) but after awhile I began to weary of reading about these very flawed, troubled, yet strangely uninteresting people. Maybe not caring about them makes ME the monster. Twist ending!

Also, if Ballingrud ever teamed up with Laird Barron, they should totally bill themselves as The Brothers Grim.

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Book review: Opening Heaven’s Door

Opening Heaven's Door: What the Dying May be Trying to Tell Us About Where They're GoingOpening Heaven’s Door: What the Dying May be Trying to Tell Us About Where They’re Going by Patricia Pearson

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I picked up this book (well, it was an ebook, so the picking up was virtual) for three reasons:

1. It was on sale. Cheap is always a price I like.
2. I’ve loved these sorts of nutty topics (out of body experiences, telepathy, Bigfoot, ghosts, Bigfoot ghosts with telepathy, etc.) since I was a kid.
3. It seemed like good background material for a novel I’m writing that coincidentally embraces the subject of death and near-death experiences.

Journalist Patricia Pearson draws from a range of studies and personal accounts stretching back decades to dig into the near death experience (NDE) and other related phenomenon. The deaths of her sister and father serve as a framing device for the book and Pearson is up front about how their deaths and oddities around the deaths helped develop her interest in and shape her point of view on the subject.

Despite the title of the book, Pearson paints NDEs as more of a spiritual awakening rather than a religious experience. Indeed, more people have apparently turned away from religion after having an NDE while at the same time becoming more spiritual. Throughout the various studies and research Pearson shows how little science has been able to quantify what happens when someone comes close to dying and recovers or just plain dies. In the main the affected individuals seem to traverse into another realm or reality, out of their bodies, often meeting other people they know who are already dead, and for the most part the experiences are positive, even joyful. As you may suspect, conducting experiments around people who have just escaped death is a bit tricky, as scientists, smart and diligent as they may be, cannot hang around intersections indefinitely waiting for near-fatal traffic accidents to occur. Well, they could, but probably not with funding from a university.

My biggest issue with the book is its relative shapelessness. Pearson writes well and has put in a lot of research on the subject (the bibliography and notes are extensive), the tone remains respectful and she never makes declarative statements one way or the other (“The Buddhists are right, if you screw up in your post-life you come back as a dung beetle!”), but the book has no sense of progression. She documents the subject and then the book ends. Maybe I’m trying too hard to impose a narrative structure on something that doesn’t necessarily need one.

In any case, if you have any interest in the subject matter–and yes, most NDEs center around being surrounded by glowing light, a tremendous sense of love and no fear of death–this is a sober and serious look at it.

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The Easter Day run: bikes, not eggs

Run 369
Average pace: 5:42/km
Location: Burnaby Lake (CW)
Distance: 5.03 km
Time: 28:44
Weather: Sunny
Temp: 14-16ºC
Wind: light to nil
Calories burned: 385
Total distance to date: 3055
Device used: iPhone 6

I missed last Sunday’s run due to a flu-like virus that made bed more appealing than jogging, but was ready if not exactly raring to go today.

Conditions were once again terrific, with sun and mild temperatures. I expected the pleasant weather, combined with the holiday, to result in crowded conditions but while there were plenty of people about, it wasn’t bad at all navigating the trail.

However, I saw so many cyclists I lost count. The first was at the park entrance, contemplating the map of the lake while surrounded by conspicuous NO BICYCLES signs. I later saw him just after I’d finished the run, about 5 km in. Oddly he was off the bike and taking a  photo of what seemed to be nothing in particular. The second cyclist was also at an entry point looking at a map. I didn’t see him again so maybe he got taken down by an off-leash dog.

A father and young son nearly plowed into me at a corner. Thanks for teaching your kid to be a Jerk, pops!

A pair of bikes were parked at Still Creek but I think they belonged to a couple of guys that were kayaking, so I give them a pass. A family of six starting in as I was heading out of the park I offer no such benefit of the doubt. May they all have suffered flat tires and collisions with each other.

There were probably more I’m forgetting but you get the idea–it was biking madness like I’ve never seen it before. Blergh.

As for the run, it went about the same as last time, only a few seconds slower. A stitch in my lower left side popped up to annoy me like a biker about the 3K mark but I pushed through it. There were no other issues to speak of, just the usual early season rust. I will start regular runs soon.

Book review: The Forge of God

The Forge of God (Forge of God, #1)The Forge of God by Greg Bear

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I’d probably give this book 3.5 stars but Goodreads (where this review originates) doesn’t allow half stars, so I’m giving it four, since I lean more toward that than three.

This 1987 novel is dated politically (set in 1996 but not foreseeing the collapse of the Soviet Union) and technologically (it predates the Internet so a lot of data in the story is gathered and stored on fancy optical disks) but otherwise feels fairly fresh nearly thirty years later.

The plot is a downer–mysterious aliens arrive to destroy Earth–and the resolution, such as it is, is a bit abrupt because the story continues in the 1993 follow-up, Anvil of Stars. But The Forge of God is more about the journey than the destination, as Bear unfolds what begins as a galactic mystery and ends with humanity reduced to a murmur in the great vastness of space.

The story almost feels like two different tales stitched together. There’s the initial mystery and scientific investigation–a moon of Jupiter disappears and months later strange artificial rock formations appear in Death Valley and other spots around the world. The leading characters are geologists and there is much speculation before an alien appears out of one of the formations with a dire warning that Earth is doomed, destined to be torn apart by a fun bunch described as “planet eaters.” The latter part of the story chronicles the months leading up to what appears to be the end of the world as we know it (and no one feels fine), with a plan by the mysterious but apparently beneficent warning aliens to cobble together the remnants of the world in order to create some aspect of it elsewhere.

These two halves also stand apart with distinct tones. The first half is filled with politics, scientific theorizing, investigation and generally lots of “big picture” stuff, while the second half zooms in on some of the characters and becomes more personal, following them as they grapple with a seemingly sealed fate. Bear does a good job transitioning from the big picture to a more intimate one, capturing the despair–and faint hope–as the last days of the story (and possibly the planet) play out.

If you like a good doomsday scenario supported by credible science, a chilling answer to the Fermi paradox, and have always wanted geologists to be the leads in a novel, The Forge of God comes recommended. My only regret is I didn’t research ahead of time to find out it was part of (an admittedly very short) series, so I know feel obligated to read the sequel, to find out how it all turns out (until the inevitable sequel after that one).

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Another incredible deal on Apple products – act soon!

Until April 7th Best Buy Canada is offering some boffo deals on various Apple products. Check out this bargain for the iPad Air 2:

iPad Air 2 big savings

Are you wearing a hat? You may want to hold onto it before reading further, lest it zing off your head from the shock. Are you ready? This deal amounts to a colossal savings of…

1.4%

I think it’s fair to say this will put an end to the notion that Apple hardware carries premium pricing.

Book review: The Deep

The DeepThe Deep by Nick Cutter

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

The Deep starts out strong but has an odd ending that perhaps goes a little too far in explaining the proverbial man-behind-the-curtain and the overall story is diminished somewhat as a result.

Conversely, if you hate horror stories that end with “it’s all a spooky mystery that no one will ever be able to explain!” you may actually prefer the almost Bond villain-level of explanation that wraps up the novel. I discuss the ending a bit more in the spoiler section at the end of the review.

The premise is in broad strokes similar to Cutter’s previous novel, The Troop (Cutter is the macho pseudonym of Canadian author Craig Davidson). Both stories feature a small group of people confined to a space where very bad things are happening. In The Troop, it’s a scout troop on a woodsy island that gets visited upon by a man carrying a horrifying and very contagious disease. In The Deep it’s the crew of an underwater facility researching a substance that holds promise in curing “The ‘Gets”, a disease that causes people to essentially forget how to live.

The rest of this review contains spoilers. The biggies are behind spoiler tags at the end.

Where The Troop’s premise is straightforward and further fleshed out through interviews, journals and other bits sprinkled between chapters, The Deep aims for a greater mystery and ratchets tension by revealing more and more disturbing little details, layering on levels of psychological horror until it finally goes all out with blood and body parts everywhere.

The story starts out with a global scale suggested–The ‘Gets is a worldwide phenomenon–but quickly focuses on a handful of scientists on the Trieste, a research station situated eight miles below the ocean surface in the Marianas Trench. It is there that a seemingly miraculous healing substance dubbed ambrosia is found. After the lead scientist, the misanthropic Clayton Nelson, sends out a strange request to have his estranged brother come to the station, the story plunges (ho ho) into the meat of the matter.

The protagonist, Luke Nelson, is a troubled veterinarian, divorced from his wife after their son vanished from a park when he briefly let the boy out of his sight some seven years previous. On top of that, his brother is essentially an unfeeling robot that likes to experiment on animals, his father is a cowed, ineffective guardian, and his mother–deceased as the story begins–was pretty much a monster. He joins a tough but sensible soldier named Alice to descend to the Trieste and find out why his brother summoned him.

Things get increasingly weird after that.

Cutter again uses journals to document large parts of the action that the protagonist would otherwise have no knowledge of. While it’s a blatant cheat, it’s done with enough finesse that it didn’t pull me out of the story. The concept of slipping into “dream pools” is handled well, too. At times the characters realize they have nodded off and moved around, having dreams that feel seamlessly connected to the waking world, producing extreme disorientation when they awaken.

It gets increasingly bizarre and disturbing until Luke decides to get out before it’s too late. It’s at this point that the story abruptly shifts tone as the ending goes into specifics about what is behind the mystery of the ambrosia.

[spoiler title=”Ending spoiler” icon=”plus-square-1″]

The creatures responsible for the ambrosia go on at length describing their thought processes and rationale for essentially creating a trap to lure people down to the bottom of the ocean and as I mentioned at the start of the review, the dialogue in this section feels like a Bond villain going on and on about his clever and dastardly plot.

On the one hand, kudos to Cutter for actually trying to tie everything up, but at the same time it felt hokey, sort of like Trelane playing with his human toys on the original Star Trek. It also turns out that The ‘Gets is just a coincidence so what is billed as a major plot element ends up seeming like a red herring.[/spoiler]

Despite my issues with the ending, the trip there is still one worth taking. If you like old-fashioned horror that doesn’t shy away from gore, The Deep is recommended.

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The not-as-middling mid-March run

Run 368
Average pace: 5:39/km
Location: Burnaby Lake (CCW)
Distance: 5.06 km
Time: 28:34
Weather: Sun and cloud
Temp: 15ºC
Wind: light to nil
Calories burned: 394
Total distance to date: 3050
Device used: iPhone 6

Another mild day and a bonus weekday afternoon run due to an at-home online course that ended at 1:30. The main advantage of running during the week is the relative lack of people/dogs/renegade cyclists on the trail and such was the case today.

My only goal again was to improve my pace and I did, woo! My pace of 5:39/km was seven seconds better than my previous run and my best time so far this year (only four runs in, but I’ll still take it).

The only complication was a cramp in my right shoulder. This has never happened before and is odd as I don’t run on my shoulder. The cramp threatened to spread down to my right side but never quite did.

I started out fairly strong and this predictably led to a big drop-off at the 2K mark. I gained time on the third and fourth km, though, before falling back a bit on the last km. I did manage to pick up the pace on the last 200 m or so (the Nike phone app doesn’t do the countdown like the iPod app, which makes it harder to judge when to put on the gas for the final stretch).

In all, another small improvement on my way to a regular running schedule.

The mild March middling run

Run 367
Average pace: 5:46/km
Location: Burnaby Lake (CCW)
Distance: 5.03 km
Time: 29:02
Weather: Sunny
Temp: 16ºC
Wind: light to nil
Calories burned: 392
Total distance to date: 3045
Device used: iPhone 6

For the previous two Sundays I gave into the allure of sitting on my duff come Sunday and did not run. This weekend was shaping up to be a repeat, especially since I did a brisk 16 km walk on Saturday, burning plenty o’ calories and thus justifying a burst of non-activity on the following day. But on Sunday the sun part of the day lived up to its name and then some. It was too nice to stay inside, so I changed into my jogging clothes and headed out.

That’s the good news. The better news is this run was an improvement on my previous run in pretty much every way.

I went out early afternoon and the temperature was an unusually balmy 16ºC (about five degrees higher than the monthly average). I ran counter-clockwise, shaved three seconds off my previous pace (a still-slow 5:46/km but these are early days in the running year). I did not suffer any stitches, cramps or foot weirdness. The only real issue was just generally being out of shape. After the first km the rest of the run was manageable but not exactly pleasant.

And even though it’s only the first week of March, I could already see the yellow bulbs of skunk cabbage starting to appear along the lake edge, ready to stink to high heaven any day now. Many trees are already unfurling freshly green leaves, weeks ahead of the start of spring. It’s nice but also a little odd given I half-expect to still need mitts and instead find myself wearing t-shirts.

As I mentioned previously, I did in fact practice putting the iPhone into my new large pocket spibelt and found it worked best without the case. I was able to get it into the pocket on the run without the comedy of errors that was my previous run’s experience. These little details matter when you are setting out to light your lungs on fire for the next half hour.

All told, it was a solid effort for the third run of the year. Here’s to each run getting a little faster, a little sleeker, a little sexier.

Okay, I’ll settle for faster.

The in-stitches run

Run 366
Average pace: 5:49/km
Location: Burnaby Lake (CW)
Distance: 5.09 km
Time: 29:38
Weather: Foggy early then clear
Temp: 5-8ºC
Wind: light to nil
Calories burned: 397
Total distance to date: 3040
Device used: iPhone 6

It was foggy and chilly heading out this morning so I opted for a long-sleeved t-shirt and was glad I did as the mist was not the sort of thing you’d cuddle up on the couch with.

Today’s run was a mix of good and bad. On the good side, I actually improved my pace over the last two km and my post-run recovery was much faster than the previous week. Additionally, my drop-off from the first to second km was not as steep (11% vs. 16%).

On the bad side, my overall pace and time was slower. This was mainly due to developing a stitch in my lower left side during the first km. It stubbornly persisted through most of the run and instead of going away it migrated up into my chest where it hurt in a different way. My first km in particular suffered, being much slower, before I managed to pick things up a little. Still, it was a decidedly unpleasant run. Here’s hoping I can run stitch-free next time and see some real improvement.

The other thing of note was the complete bobbling of the new large-pocket Spibelt™® at the start of the run. Purchased to accommodate my larger iPhone 6, I not only failed to stuff the phone into the belt before the run timer started, I managed to get the run paused, restarted and paused several times before it finally seemed to sort of work. I say sort of because while it did indeed track the run, the sound coming from the phone sounded like something you’d hear from a speaker with a loose wire, with a weird cutting out/fuzziness. My guess is a clash between the earphone connector on the phone and the zipper of the belt. Oddly, I never had the issue with the iPhone 5c.

I may need to practice with the belt before the next run.