Yep, with today being the last day of the month, it’s time to summarize my National Novel Writing Month effort this year and LOL is a pretty good summary.
I wrote 2557 words a few days in…for a different novel. Then my keyboard was stilled as I was overwhelmed by events, ennui, personal drama and The Rains (I read today that this November is the fourth-wettest since they started keeping records. The forecast is for sun to return next month. Then probably blizzards for the next three months).
In all, my effort was so minimal it’s difficult to feel disappointed. It’s like scolding yourself for how you placed in a race you never actually participated in.
Apart from this blog, my writing in general has stalled, which is not good. I’ll be returning to The Other 11 Months writing group on Sunday and seeing how it goes there, but if I am to write more I need to do it more often than just on Sundays. It’s not like writing is a religious experience for me.
But perhaps I should pray to the spirit of Harlan Ellison. Except he’s still alive and would tell me to stop writing nonsense on a blog and start writing a ripping good yarn by grabbing legal pad and fountain pen.
Tomorrow I’ll unveil my newest and bestest writing plan.
It is a well-established fact that I love donuts. I love all kinds of donuts, too–glazed, cake, jelly, pretty much any donut is good (except maple donuts. Maple and donuts just don’t work together for me. It’s like combining peanut butter and chocolate, but instead of peanut butter you use plaster and instead of chocolate you use motor oil).
However, this donut is wrong.
No, not the decadent but possibly decent Chocolate Cheesecake Donut on the left. I’m talking about the one on the right.
The Angel Cream Donut.
Tip: If your product is using the words “angel cream” you are very likely doing it wrong. The only thing that visually distinguishes this donut from a Boston Cream (mmm, Boston Cream…) is the white icing drizzled across the top. You know, the angel cream. Or maybe the angel cream is inside the donut and it is meant to simulate a pureed form of angel, whipped and blended into a horrifying but richly smooth cream-like substance.
I don’t know. I don’t want to know. The fact that the sign is handwritten suggests this could be a rogue donut named by capricious staff. More likely the official Angel Cream Donut signs haven’t arrived at the store yet because the person who is printing them keeps looking at the sample and going, “Ew!” and never prints anything.
Do The Rains get you down, leave you feeling blue? Leave you sopping wet and wishing you could travel outside in a miraculous bubble of pleasantly heated air that would never let the damp in?
If your answer is yes, I can’t help you. Sorry.
But have some writing prompts suitable for rainy days, wrapping fish or lining bird cages1.
It’s raining cats and dogs. In 500 words or more, describe the ongoing horror of people being pelted by pets falling from the sky.
Noah has asked you to build an ark because the flood’s a-coming. He has provided you with the supplies: a ball of yarn, a couple of 2×4’s and a bottle of paste, half-eaten by one of his kids and not closed properly, so most of it has dried out. Weave a tale about your mighty ark construction and how it saves all the world. Do not exaggerate your efforts because God hates liars.
The storm drain is clogging with leaves and will soon cause a flood in front of your building, making it difficult for people to come and go without plunging through an enormous puddle. Write a list of ten other things you’d rather do than address this problem.
Write a romantic story that uses these five words that rhyme with rain: main, gain, disdain, grain, pain.
A magic genie gives you a choice between three kinds of rain: lava rain, electric rain and flaming oil rain. Choose wisely.
Wouldn’t it be cool if you could conjure a little rain cloud that would follow around someone you don’t like and pour rain on them? Write a story about how totally cool that would be.
Write a story about some unfeeling jerk that has a magic rain cloud follow you around and pour rain on you. Nah, just kidding. It would be totally cool.
Fish, birds and cages not included. Prompts will need to be printed on paper first. Paper not included. ↩︎
As of today, there is only one month until Christmas. This means:
only one more month of Christmas ads
only one more month of Christmas music
only one more month of eggnog and fruit cake
only ten months until the whole thing starts again. With the same fruit cake.
Notice that since I’m no longer complaining about anything ever again* I present the above as a list of positives. I look forward to seeing you again next year, fruit cake! (I really can’t remember the last time I actually ate fruit cake. Even still, I dimly recall it being horrible. I mean that in a very positive way.)
* I may or may not choose to redefine what constitutes complaining
Run 554 Average pace: 5:42/km
Location: Burnaby Lake (CCW)
Start: 12:20 pm
Distance: 10.02 km
Time: 57:14
Weather: Cloudy, light showers
Temp: 10ºC
Humidity: 74%
Wind: light
BPM: 159
Weight: 160 pounds
Total distance to date: 4310 km
Devices: Apple Watch, iPhone
In a freakish coincidence I started today’s 10K run at the exact same time as last week’s–12:20 p.m. I did not plan this.
My pace as slightly slower–5:42/km vs. 5:40/km last week, but this was not surprising as my goal was to run at a comfortable pace and never push. I wasn’t specifically trying to lower my BPM, I was just reducing the chance of pain or injury as I had not run in the intervening week.
But my heart rate did drop and quite a bit, from 169 last week to 159 this week, right back to my usual zone. This was reflected in a general feeling of being relaxed, or as relaxed as you can feel when moving at a jogging pace for nearly an hour without stopping. At no point did I feel winded or tired, I just kept on trucking along, never doubting I would make it to the end.
I also had one of my slowest starts, with the first km matching my overall pace of 5:42. To show how consistent I was, I was still at 5:42 at the 9 km mark. The slow start was also deliberate. I resisted my usual “shot out of a cannon” approach to see how it would affect my overall time and BPM. It made the start a little more pleasant because I didn’t experience that big drop-off around the 2-3K point where the initial burst of speed runs out.
Around the 6K mark two things happened. First, it started to sprinkle, but it never amounted to more than that, so I avoided a nipple incident. Second, my left knee started to tighten up. It peaked quickly, though, and surprisingly was not an issue for the rest of the run. It’s still a bit stiff now, in the evening, but not enough to be genuinely uncomfortable, just a very slight nuisance.
The trail was in decent shape, with only a few puddles to negotiate. I saw three runners right at the start and a smattering of others after, including a young guy smartly dressed in black shorts, dark gray t-shirt, black cap, fashionable stubble and…black gloves. The gloves looked weird because of the t-shirt. Also it was 10ºC so I’m pretty sure his hands would have been sweating like crazy. I wore my long-sleeved short and would have been fine in a regular tee, especially with little wind.
Dogs were behaved and mostly on-leash. One woman by the sports fields had walked maybe a hundred meters or more ahead of her dog, which is dumb to begin with, but her dog was also tiny and would make a nice bite-size snack for a coyote–which I have seen multiple times in the area. I was going to say something to her but she moved off the trail and onto the field by the time I reached her. I felt bad for the all-but-ignored snack dog.
Overall, then, I’m happy with today’s result. I felt pretty good, got my BPM back in a range I’m more comfortable with, and the gray weather kept the trails lightly populated.
Much like the small steps the Kaizen technique recommends, this is a small book that is quickly read, all the better to start applying its suggestions for self-improvement.
Like the ancient expression “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step,” the Kaizen technique is one in which improvement is seen as a gradual process, where small steps lead (eventually) to big changes. The book covers several aspects of the technique, ranging from asking “small questions” to small rewards, small actions and so on. Each chapter includes tips and examples using patients of Robert Maurer’s.
Kaizen is appealing in its simplicity and logic. When we attempt major changes (think of New Year resolutions to lose a lot of weight or give up a bad habit or addiction) we usually trigger our brain’s fight or flight response, leading to anxiety and even fear. The body refuses to cooperate. The brain goes “Nope!” and suddenly that Boston Cream you swore you’d never touch has vanished from its plate.
Instead of going cold turkey, the Kaizen technique goes to the opposite end by promoting change through small increments, sometimes so small they may seem silly. In the donut example above (mmm, donuts…) you wouldn’t just give up Boston Creams immediately. Instead, you’d buy one as usual, sit down and then skip the first bite (Kaizen doesn’t tell you what to do with that bite so you’re on your own for that). The next donut skip the first two bites and so on. Eventually you’ll get to where you aren’t ordering the donut at all–and not missing it.
I’ve used this technique myself when I started running, adopting the well-known Couch to 5K plan. The first few runs were so brief (they were more walking then running) that it felt entirely effortless. How could I not continue? By the time I reached Week 7 of 9, it was the middle of summer, blazing hot and I struggled to meet that week’s goal–but I persevered, because I had spent nearly two months slowly building to that point and it wasn’t nearly as daunting as it would have been otherwise.
One Small Step Can Change Your Life is easy to read, easy to follow and lays out the case for Kaizen in a direct and accessible manner. I really can’t see how anyone couldn’t gain some benefit from adopting its technique for at least some aspect of his or her life. Recommended.
There are plenty of books out there explaining how and why you should outline your novel. It always seems like drudgery to me and so I’ve avoided it, for the most part.
As I write this review, my attempt at National Novel Writing Month 2017 is a smoking ruin. Well, that’s not entirely accurate. It was never smoking at all, more a damp lump of coal that never caught fire. In the vernacular of Libbie Hawker’s book, I wore my pants, refused to take them off (commit to an outline) and stalled before I could get anything going. This was also my experience on several dates ten years ago.
It’s been even worse, too–sometimes I’ve committed thousands of words to a story before realizing that it was going nowhere.
Having just gone through another stall-out, I was more receptive to the idea of outlining.
Hawker’s book is brief, more a bookling than a book, but the brevity works as a strength because you’ll whip through it quickly and be able to apply its lessons all the sooner. Hawker also smartly realizes many will read the book through first before going back and using it as reference, noting where to keep a bookmark so you can jump back in when you’re ready to go.
The process she uses for outlines is simple and leans heavily on using the hero’s journey as your story’s template. She provides some wiggle room but there is a basic assumption that you will be writing about a flawed main character (or several) who is thwarted by one or more antagonists, and ultimately overcomes their flaw or at least fails to in an interesting way, completing the character arc/journey.
And she makes it seem tantalizingly simple, extolling the twin benefits of locking down your story in advance (while still leaving plenty of space to be creative once you start writing scenes and chapters) and cranking out a completed first draft significantly faster than the pants-wearing method (she has completed first drafts in as little as three weeks). Hawker references several well-known novels (an eclectic group, ranging from Lolita to Charlotte’s Web), as well as her own work to provide examples of the different parts of the outline.
In brief, she says every well-constructed novel has a Story Core that consists of a flawed character who wants something, is thwarted, struggles to overcome their flaw, then ultimately fails or succeeds. The Story Core is built on a structure she compares to a three-legged stool, consisting of Character Arc, Theme and Pacing. It sounds simple and really, it is. As mentioned above, it’s the hero’s journey, a story archetype that has been around for thousands of years. As Hawker notes, your story will shine not because it’s outrageously original, but because it’s well-told and in a voice that is distinctly your own.
Even as I was still going through Take Off Your Pants! I was imaging the outline of my still-unfinished NaNoWriMo 2014 novel, a story that is pretty solid in some ways, but a bit of a meandering mess in others. Applying Hawker’s outlining methodology, I can see what’s missing from the story and identify entire scenes that can be chucked (goodbye, thousands of words, *sob*).
Take Off Your Pants! is highly recommended to those with a fear of outlining but still willing to take another look at it. I think it’s made me a convert.
In no particular order as I feel all would perform equally well at the task, while also being superior to the person who actually, regrettably, holds the title:
a bowling ball
a toilet plunger
a smooth, round rock
a 25 year old Twinkie
a piece of lint
This is actually a trick list because it could include every inanimate object in existence, including those from other dimensions.
I don’t know why I picked today to take a vague potshot at the worst modern U.S. president (and, I would argue, the least qualified president ever). Perhaps The Rains have made me cranky.
Run 553 Average pace: 5:40/km
Location: Burnaby Lake (CW)
Start: 12:20 pm
Distance: 10.01 km
Time: 56:45
Weather: Cloudy
Temp: 8ºC
Humidity: 80%
Wind: light
BPM: 169
Weight: 158.3 pounds
Total distance to date: 4300 km
Devices: Apple Watch, iPhone
Today’s run was also an experiment in which I deliberately slowed my pace–as evidenced by my 5:40/km average–to see how it would impact my BPM. It turned out to not impact it much at all, as it went from 174 on my last 10K to 169 today, a marginal improvement at best.
I’m not sure if it’s the slight weight gain, increase in body fat, temperature change or alignment of the planets that’s causing my BPM to be higher lately and I’m not overly concerned as long as it doesn’t go higher than it is now.
I did feel slower on the run, especially going up inclines. Keeping my speed down made it feel slog-like on the hilly parts. I was tempted to speed up at times but resisted.
It also didn’t rain, which was nice.
Due to my late start I felt there would be no problems with running clockwise today, so I did and it was fine. This also led to the confrontation with my old nemesis, namely the nasty tree root that I tripped on in August 2016, still my only run where I finished with gravel embedded in my flesh. On my clockwise runs I usually start out on the Conifer Loop by running on the left, then switch to the right after passing the evil root. With the leaves cleared and the trail scoured by recent storms, I felt there was little chance of missing the root, so I stayed on the right as I normally would. What struck me upon seeing the root is how it really is kind of right there where your feet would be if you’re running clockwise. You do have to detour around it. This makes me feel a little better about tripping on it two summers ago.
Overdressing: It was 8ºC but not windy and as mentioned, it stayed dry. I chose to wear two layers on top and for the walk there and back it was fine but after a few km I started to feel a bit too warm–not horribly so, but enough that I think a single layer would have sufficed. Noted for future runs.
Overall, a kind of bleah run, though it gets a few bonus points by being dry.
Although not specifically branded as such, The Folcroft Ghosts struck me as a story aimed at middle school kids. It’s short–more a novelette than a full novel–there’s no foul language, the scares are relatively mild, and the heroes are a plucky young sister and brother.
This is an easy read but by the end the experience felt a bit underwhelming. The brevity of the story, along with a curiously abrupt wrap-up at the end brought to mind a treatment for a half hour TV anthology series or perhaps an expanded short story. What’s here is good, it’s just that it all feels a bit thin and rushed, as if written with a short deadline.
I wasn’t bothered by the ghosts not being particularly frightening, as the story is structured more as a mystery, with suspense ratcheting up not because of the ghosts, but due to the folksy homespun charm of the matronly grandmother morphing into some seriously questionable applications of the concepts of family and “love.”
Overall, this is a solid if slight read that eschews big scares for lingering unease. It’s a story that will likely be enjoyed even more by kids around age 12 or thereabouts.
Lately I’ve been getting cravings for food (I almost wrote “things” which may be more accurate) I haven’t had for a long time. Here’s the list so far:
Eggo waffles (I swear it has nothing to do with Stranger Things)
Sausage and egg McMuffin (I’ve indulged this one a few times already)
Oat fudge bar (from Starbucks–like the above, I’ve gotten a few of these recently)
Apple pie
Stuffed olives
Breakfast cereal that is really just candy. You’re not fooling anyone, Reese Puffs (which I bought on sale this week)
Goldfish crackers (judging from previous purchases I’d probably take these intravenously if possible)
chocolate of almost any kind
None of this is good for my weight loss goal. In fact I was just slightly over 160 pounds yesterday morning, a depressing setback considering I was down as low as 153 pounds just a month or so ago. It’s enough to make me want to eat four of the eight items listed above in a self-defeating attempt to console myself.
On the plus side, the time it took to write this blog entry was time not spent eating any of the listed items.
On the less-plus side, I had a bowl of Reese Puffs earlier this evening.
Unrelated but still food: Tim Hortons is selling a “snowflake” donut. I don’t like the implication there. We don’t need snowflake donuts. How about a nice sun donut to celebrate global warming instead?
There are two weeks left before the end of the month. As of today to be on track with my NaNoWriMo novel progress, I would need to have written:
26,672 words
As of today, I have actually written:
2,557 words
This gives me a word deficit of:
24,115 words
In order to successfully complete NaNoWriMo 2017, I would need to increase my daily input of words from 1,667 words to:
3,388 words
This is actually not an impossible goal. It would require several hours of intense writing every day, though putting in extra time during the remaining four weekend days would help offset that a bit.
The reality is that’s not going to happen. NaNoWriMo has often been the tonic to cure my writing blahs but this year–even with the regular writing group I’ve been going to–it just hasn’t happened. November has been a busy and stressful month, I’ve exercised less, eaten more, and I now seem to have some kind of official fall/winter sinusitis thing going which is making me seriously consider one of those horrible “nasal irrigation” devices because thirty seconds of shoving this weird thing up my nose in exchange for being able to breathe normally has real appeal.
I’d prefer to just be able to breathe normally.
I’m still hoping to kickstart my writing before the end of the month, but I know the only secret is to just make myself do it and the fact that I haven’t is maybe underlining the fact that I just don’t care enough anymore. Maybe all the future holds is blog ramblings and funny cat pictures.
