This single paragraph–for a horror novel called Salvage, posted on the Kobo website–may qualify as one of the oddest book reviews I’ve seen:
“I had a hard time with it. The chapters being on average 30+ pages induced me to skip many, perhaps too many in order to finish the chapter being read. I became lost at times and finished the book by sheer determination. the book is well written but those never ending chapters.”
The idea that 30+ pages per chapter is too long is strange. It’s not like there’s a rule for chapter length, and with ebooks, you don’t even have to keep track of where you left off. Perhaps the reader is one of those people compelled to always read to the end of the current chapter before setting the book down. Even then, it’s such a weird affectation that I wonder why one would even bring it up. But even more baffling is how the reader confesses to skipping a bunch of chapters, then becomes “lost at times” (no kidding), but still finishes the book (“well written”) and gives it three stars.
(I bought the book in question–not based on this review.)
One sample below. I think my favorite part is the Pacman ghosts on the arrow keys.
The Simon Stalenhag Art Gallery. Stalenhag has created a delightfully weird alternate universe where the 80s turn out…a little different. One example below. The art is an amazing blend of realism (the composition and light/liquid effects are terrific) and the fantastic, with giant robots, and curiously controlling electronic devices everywhere. The imagery ranges from intriguing to funny to horrifying, sometimes simultaneously. Buy his stuff.
I’m just nakedly padding things out now. My brain is freezing, I want to go to bed, yet I feel compelled to toss up 31 posts for the month. Only one more to go after this. I’m sure the next post will make up for this one by being five thousand shades of brilliance.
This is post #30, though, so it only gets a quarter shade of non-brilliance, sort of like a flickering fluorescent bulb.
A poster regarding a story about (potential) new iPads on MacRumors said, and I quote:
But no, Apple is going to wishy wash (being forum appropriate with word choice) and let Microsoft (for one) continue to climb higger.
I’m pretty sure if you go to the Microsoft site right now, the slogan they have displayed there is Climb Higger.
It’s a reference, of course, to the world-famous Mount Higger, the tallest mountain in all internet comments sections. Meanwhile, Apple is going with the wishy wash, a new, magical method for manufacturing processors in super-clean rooms.
These are exciting times for both technology and random people making comments on the internet.
(Ironically, I think the point the person was making as he fought with his keyboard, is not entirely inaccurate, that Apple is being conservative with their technology while Microsoft, with products like the Surface Studio, is championing the sort of innovative design Apple was once known for. Still, I want a new iPad, anyway. Microsoft could still make my socks roll up and down with a Surface Pro 5, but probably only due to its price.)
Here are a few things I found while browsing the internet* today. I’m not linking back to the source material but there’s a good chance using one of those fancy search engines may get you there.
On a review of a monitor: “The most compelling thing about this display, of course, is its screen.”
I would hope the most compelling part of a monitor would be its screen. I suppose if the stand was built out of moon rocks or something that might be even more compelling than the screen, but let’s face it, there aren’t many monitors with moon rock stands out there.
On an article on blog writing tools: “Want a hard copy of this blogging tools list to take with you wherever you go? Sign up here [link], and you’ll get it in your inbox within a week.”
I would be very curious to see how the author manages to get a hard copy (physical sheets of paper) delivered to a person’s inbox (virtual email receptacle). Perhaps the author is too young to remember when everything was hard copy. Here’s a suggested rewrite:
Want a printable copy of this blogging tools list to take with you wherever you go? Sign up here, and you’ll get it in your inbox within a week.
This will be either my last post of 2016 or one of my last posts of 2016. I promise to be kinder and less sarcastic in 2017. Promise!
* yes, technically I mean the world wide web; I’m covering my butt here because of the pedantry in this post
In an effort to get in 31 posts for August (an average of one per day), I have been forced to crank out six posts on the last day of the month. This has by necessity put the focus on quantity over quality, but I look at it as a sort-of extended free-writing session, something that will stimulate my creativity and ultimately lead to something better, even as anyone reading the current results is left confused, angry, bored or a combination thereof.
I promise to put more thought and effort into September’s entries.
My promises don’t always stick.
But I try.
Also, here’s a picture of me with a freaky filter from Prisma applied:
How I miss my green organic hat. 🙁
(Trust me, it really was green, not decorated like the bus from The Partridge Family.)
(The bill split open when I washed it and MEC doesn’t carry it any longer, so it’s gone forever, like the dodo or your favorite dinosaur.)
I can’t explain why I find this so funny, but I do.
In case the link goes down in our dystopian future, it’s a page that allows you to blow a horn at Donald Trump’s head, causing his hair to fly up. It may be the best thing related to Trump we will see this year.
