More writing prompts in the style of “Should I really use one of these?”

When lacking inspiration for writing I often find it helpful to make a list because I like lists and what better way to inspire than to write a list of writing prompts? There is no better way, I say. None! The utility of the prompts is best left as an exercise for the reader.

  1. You just had the Windows 10 music app import all of your music and it’s sorted your songs into genres such as Other, Misc, General Unclassifiable and Default. It believes Bruce Hornsby is Punk Rock. You decide to use Cortana to punish the music app, believing Windows 10’s advanced technology will allow this. What are the instructions you give to Cortana?
  2. One day you wake up and discover you’re a carrot, crisp, fresh and tasty. Your roommate eats you, ending your life. Write out your regrets that your roommate enjoyed healthy food.
  3. A giant meteor is going to destroy all life on the planet in 1,000 years. How do you plan out the rest of your life knowing this?
  4. Use these words in a story: agastopia, gabelle, jentacular, encephalalgia, jargogle, meringue
  5. A phone is ringing inside a locked room. If you can’t answer the phone something terrible will happen. Describe the breakfast you had.
  6. You are hired to do a 3D version of Citizen Kane set in outer space with aliens and laser beams and shit. Summarize your Oscar speech for Best Director.
  7. A mysterious man wants you to permanently remove ten words from the English language. All of the words will be replaced with the word “poop” because poop is funny. What’s the deal with this mysterious man and why does he find poop so funny?
  8. You go to work and everyone is in their underwear, just like in some crazy dream but you aren’t wearing any. How do you address this situation without alerting the Underwear Police?
  9. You are having an online chat with a friend who responds to everything you say with an amusing reaction gif. Invent a device that allows you to slap him right through the screen.
  10. What are things you can do in 85 weeks? List them.
  11. Write a light-hearted piece about orphans dying in a fiery bus crash
  12. Make a list: 7 Signs It’s Time to Change Your Pants

Federal Election 2015: Long, terrible and depressing

I’m not going to offer incisive analysis of the ongoing federal election campaign. Here’s all you need to know:

  • It’s really long. Most Canadian federal election campaigns are five or six weeks long. This one goes on for an interminable eleven weeks because the Conservatives have lots of money to spend and, I don’t know, I guess maybe they figure the NDP, Liberals, Green Party and others will run out of money and the last three weeks will feature nothing but glorious, shining Conservative ads extolling the bright future of Harper’s Canada.
  • The Conservatives are horrible. Anyone knowingly, willingly voting for them is a fool. Don’t vote, fools. Stay at home and shout angrily at the TV instead. Speaking of which, this is my favorite wish-it-was-a-campaign-ad so far:

Context of angry Conservative supporter can be found here: Stephen Harper supporter hurls profanity at journalists over Duffy questions (The image I first saw in the Canadian politics discussion thread on Broken Forum).

I’ll report back with the results on October 19. Don’t make me an angry not-Conservative supporter, Canada!

Hip hip not hooray

Me, August 3rd:

I’ll see if I bounce back from this quickly or if it turns into some yucky long term situation.

Eleven days later and I can now confirm: yucky long term situation.

I knew with the way the hip felt after the last run that I would miss at least the next run, maybe two. I was hoping that I’d lose no more than that, meaning I’d be running again the following Monday, which was five days ago. While the hip did feel a little better on Monday and Tuesday and I did some walks at near my usual pace I seemed to relapse and yesterday (Thursday) a 4.5 km walk was almost kind of painful. I have no idea if the hip injury is muscle, bone or a gremlin trying to pull everything apart like the one in “Nightmare at 20,000 Feet” but I have a doctor appointment coming up so may have a better idea then.

That appointment isn’t until the 24th, however. In the meantime I’m taking it day by day and seeing how the hip feels. I’ve played out the old man/hip thing now, I’m ready to start running again. I am open to having bionic legs attached.

Writing prompt 6: The world ends with you?

Exciting news: I’ve added a new category on the blog for writing prompts.

It’s kind of exciting to me, anyway. A little.

Breaking writing prompts out into their own category will make it easier to find them, which will be handy for me and any bots scraping the site for inane exercises based on random writing prompts.

And now, a prompt.

Prompt #6: A mystical but seemingly omnipotent being appears before you and commands that you provide the solution to world peace or all the world will be destroyed. The omnipotent being has given you sixty seconds to respond. What do you do?

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Run 407: The old man and the hip

Run 407
Average pace: 5:43/km
Location: Burnaby Lake (CCW)
Distance: 10.02 km
Time: 57:20
Weather: Sunny
Temp: 23-27ºC
Wind: light
BPM: 160
Stride: 175 strides/min
Weight: 152.4 pounds
Total distance to date: 3315
Device used: TomTom Runner Cardio

The good news is despite sleeping in a little, my first holiday run actually happened in the morning and temperatures remained comfortable throughout.

The bad news was the thing of evil known as my right hip. Never known for acts of great villainy before, it made up for it today, doing its best to topple me.

Yesterday I walked my usual run router and noticed that the right hip was feeling a little sore. I believe this stemmed from sleeping funny and twisting my leg in a way that is sub-optimal, similar to how some people will wake with sore backs. This happened last year then went away. It returned this year and while I have noticed it on runs it’s never really interfered, it’s more something I feel.

Yesterday’s walk was a warm-up, though, because today the hip made its presence known so strongly it completely knocked me off my usual pace. My left foot also started hurting between the 2-3K mark, though it leveled off quickly and I don’t feel it was a factor.

By around 9K the hip mysteriously started to feel much better, so much so that I put on the afterburners to get a good finish in. Halfway through this (with 300-400 m left) the hip did a full reversal and felt like it was on fire or going to explode or something. I had a few moments where I wondered if I would even finish the run. I did and also managed a slow walk home.

I’m not sure why the hip has suddenly gone haywire, unless I’m continuing to sleep wrong. I would correct this if I could stay awake while I sleep but you see the problem there.

I’ll see if I bounce back from this quickly or if it turns into some yucky long term situation.

Other than Hell Hip, the trail was rather crowded today with walkers and joggers out enjoying the nice weather of BC Day. Bonus: no cyclists!

Run 406: Beavers in Africa

Run 406
Average pace: 5:23/km
Location: Brunette River trail and Burnaby Lake (CW)
Distance: 8.02 km
Time: 43:13
Weather: Sunny
Temp: 30-26ºC
Wind: light
BPM: 156
Stride: 178 strides/min
Weight: 153.6 pounds
Total distance to date: 3305
Device used: TomTom Runner Cardio

Tonight’s run was marred by a series of mildly unpleasant things, ranging from yet more hot temperatures (it was 30ºC when I started out) to a stitch in my lower right side (possibly caused by my guts boiling from the insane heat) to a tickle in my throat that was probably an ingested bug that led to a lot of coughing, watering eyes and general horribleness.

Despite all this, my pace of 5:23/km, while much slower than my last 8K, was actually fairly decent for the weather.

But the best part of all came a little less than a kilometer in when, on the Brunette River trail, I saw a beaver sitting on the path near the fence to my left. It was glistening and shiny from having just climbed out of the river and was pondering its next move, seemingly oblivious to my presence. I found this odd because I imagine beavers don’t encounter a lot of joggers. After I passed by I looked back and the beaver was ambling across to the other side of the trail, heading toward the new stream created a few years back, no doubt intent on a little re-engineering of the local ecosystem. I felt a little bad for the beaver having to waddle around in the oppressive heat wearing a fur coat. On the plus side it can jump into the river to cool off without fear of drowning, unlike me.

The Peregrine 5s held up much better this time, with both shoes remaining tied. Plus they are blue and snazzy-looking:

Peregrine 5

The left foot was better-behaved, as well, only getting slightly sore by the time I was waiting at the station for the SkyTrain.

All in all, despite the myriad issues, this run was not as bad as it could have been. Thanks for brightening my run, beaver! Unless you were an omen of a bad run, then screw you, you tree-destroying little monster!

Run 405: A Peregrine comes untied

Run 405
Average pace: 5:25/km
Location: Burnaby Lake (CCW)
Distance: 10.01 km
Time: 54:21
Weather: Overcast, a little sun
Temp: 18-20ºC
Wind: light
BPM: 155
Stride: 180 strides/min
Weight: 155 pounds
Total distance to date: 3297
Device used: TomTom Runner Cardio

Today’s run promised to be exciting an ominous. The excitement would be from wearing new shoes, a shiny blue pair of Saucony Peregrine 5s. These are non-minimalist trail runners, though they have a fairly tiny drop of 4 mm (for non-runners this refers to the height difference between the heel and toes; minimalist shoes have a completely flat or 0 mm drop). The ominous part came from the weather forecast warning of possible downpours in the afternoon with pea-sized hail (!) being possible. I’ve run in hail before and am not a fan.

Luckily, despite some morning showers the worst that happened was a lot of cloud cover, with the sun poking through once in awhile. The temperature stayed low, ranging from 18-20ºC so it was pleasantly comfortable.

The new shoes presented two problems, one right away and the other about 3 km into the run. The first was the left foot started to hurt (not much, more just a “can feel it” sort of thing) as soon as I headed out. This evolved into it actually hurting proper around 5 km into the run itself. The second was the left shoelace (which I retied at home several times before heading out) coming untied less than 3 km in, a major fail and huge pet peeve of mine. Fortunately it remained tied for the rest of the run and the other shoe never came undone.

The laces are not braided so I either need to pay more attention when tying them before heading out or consider swapping in some braided laces or perhaps switch to some crazy space age technology to keep them from coming untied, like Krazy Glue.

The good news for the left foot being sore, such as it was, is that it didn’t keep getting worse, peaking almost immediately, and my overall pace was a virtual tie with my last 10K run (also when the weather was not that summer-like, oddly). My previous time of 54:19 minutes was exceeded by a mere two seconds today at 54:21 and the pace managed to get rounded up to 5:25/km, but realistically was unchanged from the earlier 10K’s 5:24/km.

Stamina-wise there were no issues, though the sore foot kept me from pushing. I suspect my time would have been better if my foot had been happier. It will be interesting to see if the new shoes break in or just break my foot. Outside of my left foot they otherwise felt comfortable and had solid traction, handy for dodging the occasional puddle from the morning shower.

I’m officially reserving judgment for now.

I am pleased that despite the foot I still equaled my previous effort, though. Excelsior!

Run 404: No errors here

Run 404
Average pace: 5:13/km
Location: Brunette River trail and Burnaby Lake (CCW)
Distance: 7.02 km
Time: 36:38
Weather: Sunny
Temp: 23ºC
Wind: light
BPM: 153
Stride: 180 strides/min
Weight: 153.9 pounds
Total distance to date: 3286
Device used: TomTom Runner Cardio

Tonight’s run was pretty much a repeat of Tuesday’s, with the temperature being slightly warmer (23 vs. 21ºC), the distance slightly shorter (7K vs. 8K) and the direction slightly opposite (counter-clockwise vs. clockwise).

Because of the previously mentioned slightly tender shins I originally planned to ease up a bit for this run but when I spied another runner ahead of me as I came off the Piper Mill trail I decided to keep pace with him (if I could) and did just that for roughly the last two km or so. I think I actually closed the gap a little, woo.

As with Tuesday’s run I got a nice bell curve going, with the slowest part of the run in the middle and then picking up speed again in the second half. In fact I came the closest yet to dipping below 5:00/km in the last km, coming in at 5:03. Hopefully my shins will forgive me.

Run 403: Cooler, faster, better

Run 403
Average pace: 5:14/km
Location: Brunette River trail and Burnaby Lake (CW)
Distance: 8.03 km
Time: 42:03
Weather: Sunny
Temp: 21ºC
Wind: light
BPM: 155
Stride: 180 strides/min
Weight: 153.3 pounds
Total distance to date: 3278
Device used: TomTom Runner Cardio

I upped the distance slightly for a weeknight run, going from 7K to 8K and thanks to a nice, not-fires-of-hell temperature of 21ºC I returned to the pace of my previous few runs prior to Sunday, with an overall pace of 5:14/km.

The only downside as such was a bit of renewed tenderness in my shins, likely due to a combination of longer runs and the relative zippiness of late. It’s fairly mild as these things go so I’m not overly concerned. Other than that there were no issues and in fact I had enough energy to pick up the pace for the last few km.

Run 402: Untied lace and the return of Africa hot

Run 402
Average pace: 5:28/km
Location: Burnaby Lake (CW)
Distance: 5.02 km
Time: 27:31
Weather: Sunny
Temp: 28-30ºC
Wind: nil to light
BPM: 157
Stride: 179 strides/min
Weight: 154.9 pounds
Total distance to date: 3272
Device used: TomTom Runner Cardio

Today’s run featured:

  • the first time my New Balance MT 110 shoelaces came untied (in over 460 km of use)
  • a mad cyclist furiously biking up from behind me
  • temperatures that started at 28ºC mid-morning and climbed to 30ºC–still in the morning
  • a decided lack of breeze

On the plus side, at least I didn’t get hit by a blimp.

The first km was surprisingly swift at 4:39/km but after that the halo effect of that first 1000 meters wore off and the reality of Africa hot set in and my pace slowed steadily. It became obvious pretty quickly that a full 10K would be ugly, not to mention sweaty and uncomfortable. I toyed with the idea of at least stretching to 7K but as I neared 5K along the completely exposed trail alongside the athletic fields I opted to stop short and walk the rest of the way. I think I made the right call.

As it was, my pace overall was a sluggish 5:28/km, slower than some recent 10K efforts. The forecast for the rest of the week looks to mirror what we had prior to the weekend, with temperatures in the mid 20s rather than high 20s and low 30s. My pace should hopefully bounce back like some springy sort of thing.

Other than being stupid hot for the millionth time this summer, I didn’t have any issues of note, apart from my left shoe coming untied for the first time ever. What’s odd is I even made sure they were tied securely before heading out. I’m just going to blame the heat on this, too.

On the other hand, when I later went to the store wearing my walkin’ shoes, they both came untied simultaneously. Maybe it’s secretly National Untied Shoelace Day.

On the subject of shoes, with the heels of the MT 110s starting to get nice and smooth (this is not a good thing for the heels of running shoes) I am hoping to get a new pair in the next week or so, likely something light but non-minimalist for a change of pace.

Run 401: Clone running

Run 401
Average pace: 5:15/km
Location: Brunette River trail and Burnaby Lake (CW)
Distance: 7.02 km
Time: 36:53
Weather: Sunny
Temp: 24-22ºC
Wind: light
BPM: 158
Stride: 181 strides/min
Weight: 154.3 pounds
Total distance to date: 3265
Device used: TomTom Runner Cardio

Check run #400 and you have the summary for run #401. Although I went clockwise around the lake instead of counter-clockwise, my end result was an identical pace of 5:15/km. My actual run time was eight seconds faster, 36:53 vs. 37:01. That’s so close it’s kind of weird.

I had a mild stitch that threatened but never developed into anything notable. Other than that there were no issues of note, apart from a cyclist on the trail that made me GRR.

Run 400: Gas-filled

Run 400
Average pace: 5:15/km
Location: Brunette River trail and Burnaby Lake (CCW)
Distance: 7.03 km
Time: 37:01
Weather: Sunny
Temp: 26-24ºC
Wind: light
BPM: 155
Stride: 191 strides/min
Weight: 155.4 pounds
Total distance to date: 3258
Device used: TomTom Runner Cardio

Today marks my 400th run officially tracked by Nike+. Hooray! Technically it’s more than 400 if you count runs I’ve deleted because of wacky results from technology shenanigans (pretty much equally split between the tracking making me look bionic and alternately using a walker).

All day today I’ve felt unpleasantly gassy and heartburn-y. I almost didn’t run at all but ended up heading out a bit later than normal for an evening run. Surprisingly the gas proved to be a non-factor and I had a perfectly good run with no issues.

After our brief dalliance with a shower on Sunday the weather has resumed being sunny and warm but a little more reasonable. It was 26ºC starting out tonight and it didn’t keep climbing so yay on that. I started out trying to moderate my pace a bit, hoping to conserve some energy for the immediate post-1K section. It more or less worked as the fall off from 1K to 2K was much smaller than it has been of late. Additionally, each km after the third got progressively faster, bringing me closer to my starting pace. I finished at 5:15/km, easily my best 7K and only a few seconds off my best 5K efforts this year.

With no issues to speak of, a steady BPM of 155 and the temperature warm instead of desert-like, it was an entirely fine run.