These are thoughts I had today while out on a walk. It is mild out and we are between showers. I’ve been thinking about how the world at both the macro and micro levels are somewhat of a dumpster fire, and how that makes me angry. But I need to recognize that anger and do things to channel it productively. And I will, starting with this post by writing the thought out.
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Also, here is my MRI update:
I got a call from the doctor today (phone appointment) and correctly predicted a few things:
The MRI would be inconclusive (it was)
Further testing would be needed (it is)
Said tests might include a biopsy (this was mentioned)
What the doc confirmed:
The mass in my chest (about 2 cm around) is not affecting anything else around it
It has not changed size since the CT scan back on (checks blog entry) January 9th
It could be a tumour (cue Arnold saying, “It’s not a too-mah!”)
If a tumour, it could be cancer (benign or otherwise)
I am not overly concerned, because I had recent blood work that came back negative, this lump has not grown, nor has it had any impact. But you never know, and that’s what makes our bodies so mysterious and magical.
Next up:
Another CT scan
Consultation with a thoracic surgeon to see what they think
Possibly a biopsy, depending on the above
Ice cream. I’ll need ice cream at the end of this.
In conclusion: Our meatbag bodies are kind of dumb. Here’s a nice fall photo:
My McVeggie burger did not radiate or glow (to my knowledge).
The obvious question from readers would be: Why? And my answer would be to see what magic McDonald’s could work on a “healthy” burger option.
My own question, though, is different. How can a McVeggie burger have only 10 fewer calories than a McChicken? Observe:
McChicken: 480 calories
McVeggie: 470 calories
Filet-o-Fish: 400 calories
And keep in mind, 90% of the calories in the Filet-o-Fish come from the giant blob of tartar sauce they put on each one, and it’s still 70 calories less.
Given that this is not the calorie-friendly delight you might hope for (it was slathered in the same volume of mayo as a McChicken), how did it taste?
It tasted fine. I think the spicy variant might be better, because it’s probably not hot, but may add a little more kick to it. As it is, it was OK and given the high calorie count, I’d only opt for this if I swore off being a meat-loving hedonist. Next time I’ll go for a Sausage and Egg McMuffin (440 calories). In the meantime, I ponder the market for a healthy option that is nearly 500 calories.
Today I journeyed to downtown Vancouver, to St. Paul’s Hospital, where I had my first-ever MRI.
The staff were very polite, friendly and professional. Everything was explained to me in detail. I squished the provided earplugs into my ears, then donned the headphones, through which they would speak breathing instructions to me. The process took roughly 30 minutes.
After changing into a hospital shirt and pants, which made me look like an extra from Scrubs, and removing my watch and glasses, I laid down on the bed of the MRI machine. They would be doing a “contrast” thing near the end, which required an IV, so dye could be injected into the bloodstream. My bloodstream. At this point, getting an IV just makes me shrug. Even the contrast thing was no big deal, as they had done the same when I got my CT scan earlier this year and that one made me feel like I had peed myself, which this one did not. I told them to use whichever arm was more veiny when they asked if I had a preference for where I wanted to be stabbed. They went left, as they usually do.
With the IV inserted, they placed a camera on my chest and strapped it to the bed. They assured me the straps were for the camera, not to restrain me. They finally put a squeeze ball on a cord into my right hand which I could use to alert them if I suddenly needed to pee like no one’s business, panic or otherwise pause the procedure.
With these things done, off I went into the tube, and it became extremely clear why the questionnaire you fill in advance out asks if you’re claustrophobic, because once I was in, all I could see was the curving contour of the tube not far above my face, and nothing else. One staffer said most people just close their eyes, which I did.
There is no danger in falling asleep, though, as at regular intervals (which they warned me of when they came up) the machine would clatter, clank and hum like industrial music, loud even through the earplugs and headphones.
When the machine wasn’t revving up to maximum Magnetic Racket Index, I was asked to breath in deep and hold my breath. I was pretty good at this, though it felt like I had to hold my breath for a long time. This left me a bit light-headed by the end, though I didn’t realize it until I tried getting off the bed when it was over. The guy who gave me the IV had to help me sit up.
When it came time for the injection, I was told that some people feel a salty taste in their mouths. I didn’t taste anything, but was asked if I was OK. I said yes. I think I was asked, because I did feel something, but couldn’t really name it. Whatever it was, it made my heart rate jump for a few seconds, hence the inquiry (I suspect). The best I can do to describe it is that for about five seconds, I felt rather weird.
It wrapped up shortly after the dye injection. I got a very nicely-applied translucent bandage over the IV insertion point and told my doctor would get the results in about a week.
Overall, it wasn’t a pleasant experience, but I think I did pretty good at just laying there like a potato while the machine made its noises and did its thing. I would not be sad if I never faced another MRI, though.
Except for muscle mass, which has dipped slightly, all the stats are improved this month, yay, with my weight dropping a nice 2.1 pounds. I was down to as low as 162.9 at one point, but alas, ran out of days before I could get back there.
September was easily one of my most active months of the year, with only a few runs missed, and plenty of walking. I think the exercise helped, if not in terms of actually losing weight, then perhaps in terms of keeping from gaining. I did snack a bit (including cursed Pop Tarts) but never strayed far off the track when it came to the occasional indulgence.
I feel like I am in a good position to finally get below 160 pounds in October, and officially be less than 10 pounds from my intended goal of 150. We’ll see.
Meanwhile, no donuts!
(I did have one donut this year.)
Stats:
January 1, 2025: 166.8 pounds
Current: 163.4 pounds Year to date: Down 3.4 pounds
September 1: 165.5 pounds September 30: 163.4 pounds (down 2.1 pounds)
Body fat: September 1: 24.9% September 30: 24.6% (down 0.3%)
Skeletal muscle mass: September 1: 29.5 kg September 30: 29.3 kg (down 0.2 kg)
BMI: September 1: 23.7 September 30: 23.4 (down 0.3)
Or to be more precise, the air quality currently stinks, due to smoke.
This morning, the Air Quality Index (AQI) was 3, which is a bit higher than normal. It is now 9, and shows thusly on my iPhone:
High Health Risk! Yikes. Also, it was very warm and muggy, which is probably contributing. The AQ map looks very angry:
I do not live in a Magic 8 ball, despite appearances.
I went for a walk and it smelled just like that map:
The smoke is coming from wildfires, so in a way, we’re lucky that it didn’t get here until relatively late in the season. It’s likely to persist until we see a significant change in the weather (showers, etc.) All part of the magic of climate change!
Yes, I was actually kind of good this month, food-wise! I was also very active, running and walking all hither and yon.
I may have sweated off some weight due to the humidity, too. In any event, I am down 1.8 pounds for the month, and the same amount for the year, too, which looks worse that way, but I’m down, so it’s a win as per me.
Onward from here!
Stats:
January 1, 2025: 166.8 pounds
Current: 165.0 pounds Year to date: Down 1.8 pounds
August 1: 166.8 pounds August 31: 165.0 pounds (down 1.8 pounds)
Body fat: August 1: 25.1% August 31: 24.8% (down 0.3%)
Skeletal muscle mass: August 1: 29.7 kg August 31: 29.5 kg (down 0.2 kg)
If I was a musician and Robert Plant hadn’t already used it, I would totally make an album called “Now and Zen.”
Here are some things I find that produce a zen-like quality for me, where I lose myself in the activity, and my mind can unlock to drift and ponder and take me away from the world for a while.
Running. That runner’s high thing you hear about is real. Also, this can vary a bit based on conditions. If the terrain is slippery due to ice and whatnot, it’s harder to find zen because I’m concerned about face-planting. But generally, running is very calming to my brain.
Drawing. Especially when I do bird art, which is almost like colouring in a colouring book. The application of colour is very soothing.
Writing. Even on this blog, sometimes! The quote at the top of this site is accurate, but a lot of writers forget how it feels to get in the proverbial zone. You are taken, briefly, to another place, and it’s great. When you leave, it’s almost like a memory wipe occurs, so writing becomes a “chore” again, instead of a secret delight.
Picking up litter with a picker and bucket. This requires a certain amount of hand-eye coordination because grabbing cigarette butts off the ground can be trickier than you’d think. But the activity is so mellow and gentle, it’s nice just to slowly move around the condo complex and surrounding area and plink away at the occasional bits of litter.
Of late, I’ve found myself getting too easily upset about things, whether it’s the collapse of democracy, milk prices going up again or our local strata council making silly decisions. I get tense. I get angry. I utter profane things under my breath. Sometimes over my breath, too. I don’t sleep as well. I could be incubating an ulcer, for all I know.
I made the decision that I needed to change how I react to stressful events over concerns of both my mental and physical well-being. I had some ideas:
Meditation. I have thought about this many times, but I am rejecting it, because my brain just doesn’t work in a way that would easily allow meditation. You may think this is a cop-out, and you may be right. But I make the rules here and my ever-busy brain says find another way.
Exercise. Well, I do that, and it helps. Just not enough. I can’t exercise all the time, though if I did, maybe I’d develop mutant powers, so I won’t rule this out entirely.
Fingers in ears, saying, “La la la!” I like the simplicity, but I’d probably need to be seven years old for it to be truly effective, and evidence suggests my aging is not reversing.
Mindfulness training. Basically, learning a bunch of techniques to better train your brain to cope. It can be quite effective, but I’m lazy and looking for a quick fix. I’ll use this as a last resort.
And finally, my chosen solution, after rewatching the Harry Enfield sketch, “Women: Know Your Limits!”
When something upsets me, I’ll now say the following, either to myself or unwitting recipients nearby:
I don’t know anything about the gold standard [substitute upsetting item here in place of “gold standard”], I’m afraid, but I do love little kittens. They’re soft and furry.
That’s right, I’m just going to dismiss reality. It can’t upset me if I take no heed of it. I know my limits! My mind will be ever-full of kittens, so soft and furry.
I have had a low level ache in my abdomen for a few months now. At first, I thought it might be tied to my kidney infection earlier this year (Tip: Do not get a kidney infection. It is no fun.) Eventually I realized it didn’t really fit the pattern of an infection (pain, then ongoing pain that doesn’t go away until treated), as there are times I don’t notice it, times I can’t ignore it and others when it’s just sort of there.
Yesterday, my doctor, after extensive poking, figured it might be a sore abdominal muscle that is still sore. This is the ideal cause, as some stretching and exercise should get it back to normal. As a precaution, he also had me go in for some blood work, something I’ve done so often this year it is a non-event now.
While still in the exam room, he wanted to test his theory by applying anesthetic to the suspect muscle, then see if the pain persisted with further prodding once the area had become numb. To do this, he had to inject the anesthetic into the muscle, which he did twice (the second time because he thought he may not have injected far enough to actually get into the muscle).
I had to admit, while getting blood taken is old news, I wasn’t so sure about how I felt about having multiple injections into my belly. It turned out to be no big deal, though it was a bit weird to have this numb part of my abdomen for the rest of the day.
In nay case, the bottom line is this: We need snazzy robot bodies.
The good news is 1.1 pounds is probably too high to be a rounding error. The other good news is down is better than up. The less good news is 1.1 pounds is not a lot. But bonus adjacent-to-good news is I was down more and then toward the end of the month hit a five-day skid in which I gained, gained, gained. Maybe it was all muscle? Let’s find out!
(BTW, the low this month was 165.9 pounds, which would have put me down for the year. But alas.)
As you can see, there was little movement across any of the stats, which makes sense with the modest weight loss.
Halfway through the year, it’s becoming clear to me that my body is not shedding weight because I am taking in too many calories. This likely means (apart from snacking) that I am underestimating my calories, so I may try to be more precise on some of the usual stuff I eat and see what happens.
And less snacking, of course.
Stats:
January 1, 2025: 166.8 pounds
Current: 167.3 pounds Year to date: Up 0.5 pounds
June 1: 168.4 pounds June 30: 167.3 pounds (down 1.1 pounds)
Body fat: June 1: 25.8% June 30: 25.6% (down 0.2%)
Skeletal muscle mass: June 1: 29.8 kg June 30: 29.7 (down 0.1 kg)
