Book review: Monster Maelstrom: A Flash Fiction Halloween Anthology

Monster Maelstrom: A Flash Fiction Halloween Anthology (Flash Flood #2)Monster Maelstrom: A Flash Fiction Halloween Anthology by George Donnelly
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

This is the second Flash Flood anthology, focusing on Halloween/horror-themed stories.

I found this collection of stories a little more uneven than the first collection (Bite-Sized Stories: A Multi-Genre Flash Fiction Anthology (Flash Flood Book 1) but the price (free) and commitment (minimal, given the whole idea is to present short-short stories that can be read in a few minutes, I can still give this a solid thumbs-up for the standout stories.

It’s not easy to pull off a fully self-contained story in so few words so when it comes together it almost feels like a little alchemy is involved.

On the negative side, the collection starts off weak, with a flat zombie story set against the backdrop of a strip bar. There are also enough stories from the first person POV where that person ends up being dead by the end that I’m wondering if this is some new trend in fiction. If so, it should be stopped immediately because it is lazy, cheating storytelling, the equivalent of those hokey twist endings on The Twilight Zone that we laugh about now.

On a more positive note, there are some nicely rendered stories here, including:

– “Teddy Bear Defenders” (Tom Germann). A cute story with a (horror-tinged) Toy Story vibe.
– “What I did at Halloween” (Edward M. Grant). A little girl thwarts a would-be robber with Bob. Bob is Bad. But this story is good. The ending seemed a little too on-point but doesn’t diminish the amusing interplay between the characters prior to it.
– “Monsters Like Us” (Jeanette Raleigh). An atmospheric take that initially feels like it might be yet another vampire story but turns into something more interesting–and chilling.
– “In the Eye of the Beholder” (Bill Hiatt). This *is* a vampire story, in a manner of speaking, and though the twist might be obvious to some, it is nicely executed (no pun intended–mostly).

There are other stories worth checking out but really, just grab the collection and have a look. The stories that don’t work breeze by so quickly it’s akin to dabbing something sour on your tongue before moving onto something sweet.

Overall, I can recommended this anthology for both horror fans and anyone looking for new writers to discover.

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 Book review: Predictably Irrational: The Hidden Forces That Shape Our Decisions

Predictably Irrational: The Hidden Forces That Shape Our DecisionsPredictably Irrational: The Hidden Forces That Shape Our Decisions by Dan Ariely
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Dan Ariely is an academic who writes in a very accessible manner, drawing on anecdotes and personal experience to flesh out the numerous case studies he has conducted in his pursuit of trying to explain why people often engage in irrational–yet predictable–behavior. Although some of the humor misfires a bit when he assumes the reader is at the same station of life he is for maximum effect (straight white male) it’s never ill-intended so I was able to roll with it.

Ariely’s methodology is not to simply analyze the case studies of others but to conduct numerous experiments of his own, using people drawn from the public (both willingly and sometimes more covertly), particularly university students. In these experiments, he demonstrates the principles that drive us to make decisions, ranging from what people order in a restaurant or bar based on what others order first, to how enticing free money (with no strings attached) is to an increasingly distrustful public. He also covers the placebo effect and other behaviors that have no apparent rational basis.

In doing so he draws some conclusions on how we can be better aware of the circumstances that trigger irrational responses so we can better control how we react and offers a warning that collectively we may be teetering toward a level of mistrust with institutions that may be very difficult to restore, the downside of which will be more division, cheating and indifference to the welfare of others as we look out for ourselves.

Although some of the possible conclusions are bleak (and may seem more plausible now in 2017 than when the book was originally published in 2009), Ariely retains a hopeful tone throughout. He clearly loves his work and has great fun in trying to puzzle out what makes people act the way they do. This comes through abundantly in Predictably Irrational, making the book an easy recommendation for those looking to gather some food for thought on behavioral economics and the morality and rationality of people in western culture.

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And on the third day…I was tired

It’s the third day of the month. A few things to note:

  • it is the first day of the spring semester. I know, it seems odd to refer to it as the spring semester when it starts in January but it ends in April, so it kind of balances out
  • it was very busy today
  • I now have a lifelong hatred of projectors
  • well, maybe not lifelong but at least a week long
  • the sidewalks that have not been shoveled are basically sheets of ice; I observed several people slipping but none actually ended up flat out, so that’s a positive
  • I was too tired at lunch to write or work on writing-related stuff, so I surfed
  • same thing this evening; I’m allowing myself this one day as an exception since I’m just getting into the swing of things after a few weeks off
  • I have been pretty good on snacking today, having resisted several plates of cookies and other treats
  • I have over 16,000 steps today, which was my usual average back before The Fattening began–an encouraging sign
  • 17 days to go until Inauguration Day. Will we find Bobby in the shower and realize this has all been a crazy dream? Here’s hoping!
  • I’m going to be finishing up “The Box on the Bench” by popular request. I love the idea and parts of the story but it needs some major reworking. I haven’t decided if I’m looking forward to this yet or not.
  • I’ve gotten full value on the “damn snow” tag this past month
  • the forecast is calling for snow showers on Friday, followed by rain, followed by more snow showers, with temperatures going up and down not unlike a rollercoaster. This means at least a few more weeks of snow/ice/slush/some form of cold horror on the ground. This also means more time on the elliptical and/or treadmill!

The elliptical and old men bathing

Today I finally remembered what exercise felt like. With a fresh layer of snow falling on New Year’s Eve and a forecast that calls for either clear skies or yet more snow, it’s looking iffy for running outside any time in the next few weeks (which will make it more than a month overall, kind of boggling for this region, really).

Instead of continuing to lament the icy conditions and eat Bugles, we headed to the Canada Games Pool. After soaking for a bit in delightfully warm swirl pool, I changed into my usual running gear and headed upstairs for the first exercise in weeks. It turned out all of the treadmills were occupied by people still determined to stick to their New Year resolutions (this will change dramatically in the next week or two), so I opted to use the elliptical instead.

I cleverly remembered to track the elliptical workout on my Apple Watch (and got a shiny badge for it) and was surprised that it and the machine seemed to be in almost perfect agreement on calories burned. The machine gives you a variety of pre-set workouts to choose from. Given that I am fat I chose “weight loss” and began 30 minutes of walking in place.

The first ten minutes went by without concern. After that, I started to sweat and my legs felt funny, as if they had turned to marmalade. I kept on and the marmalade feeling went away, replaced by a more general sensation of muscles being used in ways they were not used to. Which is to say, they were being used.

While everything seems fine now, I suspect that come the morning my legs will eagerly reminding me of the thirty minutes of action I put them through today.

Here are the stats, straight from the elliptical display (I think the distance may be miles):

Distance: 2.37 miles (?)
Calories burned: 260 (I sprinted at the end to get to a nice round number)

The Apple Watch recorded more calories, in part because I forgot to stop the workout for about five minutes after. Sayeth the watch: 374 calories, with a BPM of 154 BPM.

Also, when we first entered the swirl pool I swear the average age of the men (and it was exclusively men) using it was 90. On the one hand, it was nice to see so many gray old men out and being active (sort of). On the other hand, it felt a little weird to be the young guy at 52. Eventually, some younger guys showed up and even a few women, too. One guy was busy dunking his Apple watch in the water. I hope it was a Series 2 or he’s out $500.

Overall the experience went well and I look forward to doing again in our new frozen wasteland that once allowed people to run outdoors.

Monthly weight check-in, January 2017: 165.9 pounds

As part of my renewed weight loss regime I’ll be reporting on my spectacular progress at the start of every month.

As this is the first month there is no spectacular progress as of yet but soon there shall be!

Weight: 165.9 pounds
Goal: 145 pounds

Required weight loss for goal: 20.9 pounds

If I lose a mere two pounds per month I’ll hit my goal two months early. Easy peasy!

2017 in review (one day in)

Here is my review of 2017, less than 24 hours into the year. This is part of my “get in quick” campaign for the year, to make sure no task is left until it’s too late.

Good

  • Donald Trump is still not officially president
  • no new snow
  • coughing less, feeling a bit better, more energetic
  • had yummy fresh bread with blueberry jam and tea

Bad

  • only 19 days until Donald Trump is officially president
  • existing snow is now getting all crunchy and slippery
  • would prefer to already be healthy rather than just improving
  • resisting the urge to put all food into my mouth is not easy

Ugly

  • yes, I ate a few Bugles–but only a few!

In conclusion, 2017 is okay so far.

Guaranteed #1 best way to improve your writing!

Stop spending all your time reading “How to improve your writing” articles and just write instead.

More seriously, there is a certain seductiveness in constantly seeking advice, a kind of pleasure that comes from immersing yourself in writing without doing any actual writing. It also helps one neatly avoid failure, too, since zero production = zero chance of failure.

I have actually become worse with this in the last few months, spending far more time reading about writing than writing. On the plus side, I have gotten a lot better at determining quality tips from puff pieces (most articles are puff pieces).

Conveniently one of my resolutions–just three days away from being implemented–includes a concrete writing goal. I am further working on fleshing out specifics. For a change, I am going to plan everything out as much as possible and leave the spontaneity to whatever writing I produce. I expect this to yield fruitful results, especially if I write about fruit.

 New Year Resolutions for 2017 (assuming the world is still here by 2018)

It is time to make resolutions because tradition demands we make silly promises, break them, express regret, then do the whole thing over again a year later, which is just enough time to convince ourselves that this time will be different.

That said, my goal to get to 150 pounds this year was going quite well until mid-October. By then I was at 153 pounds and was still running regularly, having recovered nicely from an injury in the early spring (and having escaped battered but without any broken bits in my Great Tripping Incident in August). Then two things happened:

  1. I caught a very nasty cold. It laid me out for a couple of weeks and I missed a bunch of runs.
  2. Simultaneously, the sun began setting early enough that by the time I was healthy again I could no longer run my usual routes after work because it was now dark and I’d be attacked and carried away by vampire bats.

To address #2 I kept running on the weekends, but once a week is not enough to keep in shape. I pondered running during lunch at work but did not commit to it for various reasons. I thought about using the treadmill at the Canada Games Pool but my partner kept offering to go and then not really wanting to, which made it easy for me to decide that yes, it was easier to just sit at home and eat bags of Bugles instead.

This is all to say that about two months later I am up to 164 pounds, an impressive backslide. Gaining weight is very easy. If I made that a resolution I’d have 51 weeks left to work on any and all other resolutions.

My first resolution, therefore, will not be a huge surprise.

My Resolutions for 2017 Assuming Donald Trump
Doesn’t Destroy the World

  • drop to 145 pounds. Yes, I’m actually making the goal tougher for 2017. Secretly this was always my goal and 150 pounds was a soft target. I’ve been as low as 143 pounds and it’s definitely not too skinny on my frame. Though I am kind of skinny, anyway.
  • run at least three times a week barring injury or other extraordinary circumstance. I would previously include “the entire city covered in snow” being an extraordinary circumstance but really, there are gyms and treadmills, so this doesn’t qualify. It’s also the minimum needed to keep in decent shape.
  • no farmers tan. I wear t-shirts when running and as a result when I remove my shirt I a) blind anyone nearby with my ultra-white untanned body and b) get mocked for having conspicuously tanned arms right up to where the sleeves of my t-shirts sit. My solution this year will be to wear sleeveless shirts (I already have a few) and maybe a few stints working on a wee bit of a tan for my upper body. I might entertain the thought of running without a shirt when the weather is warmer but I’m not sure I should subject the world to that.
  • killer abs. Yes, the time has come to work on my upper body, especially if I’m not going to have an unseemly farmers tan. I haven’t decided how to do this yet. I have dumbbells but I tried them before and didn’t like them much. On the other hand, I’m pretty sure I won’t like anything I try to achieve this goal. It will be an interesting challenge.
  • eat better. This means fewer Bugles and saying no when offered candy. Currently, I tend to say yes except you can’t hear the actual word because I’m already shoving the candy into my mouth.
  • learn to swim. Haha, no. I’m not trying that again! Well, maybe. But only if I can learn with people who really can’t swim, not the bunch of cheaters I was grouped with when I took lessons in 2009.

That covers my health-oriented goals. Now onto being a better person in various ways.

  • write 1,000 words a day. No exceptions except under extraordinary circumstances like every keyboard, pen, pencil and other writing instrument in the world suddenly disappear and even then I could scratch out words in the dirt with a sturdy twig. These 1,000 words are to be fiction, so blog posts don’t count.
  • read at least 32 books. I’d love to bump this to 52 and do a book a week but I simply can’t read that fast. Maybe I could make speed reading a 2018 goal.
  • be a positive influence to others. I have no specifics on this. I’ll just try to think before I post, be nice and smile (but not in a creepy sort of way).
  • win the lottery. I’d spend the money wisely, I promise!

That’s good for now. If I think of more I’ll add them and I’ll try to re-visit the list periodically to see how I’m doing. I expect tears.

 Top 10 ways the world could end

What better time to contemplate world-ending disasters than the holiday season?

  1. Meteor/asteroid/comet strike. A big one would wipe out most life on the planet within weeks. On the plus side, we wouldn’t suffer for long.
  2. Global pandemic. The Black Death killed as many as 200 million in Europe in the 14th century and that was without convenient air travel allowing the infected to hopscotch the planet, spreading disease as the go.
  3. Trump starts some kind of nuclear war. I call out Trump specifically because he is more likely than anyone else on the planet to think using nukes is a good idea, and then to actually use them. It would be tough to wipe out all life, though, because most other leaders would probably be smart enough to hold off.
  4. The sun dies. This one will actually happen, but we’re good for a few more billion years or so.
  5. Climate change goes amok. The signs aren’t good. The biggest concern would be climate change making basic resources like food and water scarce, even in developed countries. This could see billions die as areas where people can comfortably live and food can be grown will shrink dramatically. Tip: Don’t invest in Miami beachfront property.
  6. Aliens vaporize our planet to make way for a hyperspace bypass. Let’s face it, we’d be hard-pressed to give them a good reason not to do this.
  7. An unprecedented solar storm strips away the atmosphere. You can only hold your breath for so long.
  8. A different sun a few light years away goes supernova, baking the Earth like a clay pot. Suns can be real jerks sometimes.
  9. One or more super volcanoes erupt. As befits their super designation, these volcanoes can alter the global climate in a way that would kind of kill almost everything, thanks to years of ash-filled skies.
  10. Gravity stops working and everything just floats off into space. It’s just a theory, after all. Maybe it’s controlled by molemen in the center of the Earth and they all go on strike for better pay or free Netflix.

 Five best things about snow in Vancouver

  1. It’s better than molten lava pouring down the streets.
  2. It makes things ever so slightly quieter outside, creating a pseudo-small town ambience.
  3. There’s no chance of it piling up between May and August (note: this may change in a few decades).
  4. Provides opportunity to build cool forts at no cost (cool forts–get it?!)
  5. As far as we know, snow doesn’t cause cancer.

The current forecast calls for 3-7 cm of snow on Saturday. This qualifies as a moderate amount of snow. Sunday’s forecast is 22 mm of rain, turning the freshly fallen snow into less-than-fresh piles of slush. Fortunately (?) the rest of the week looks wet enough (and above freezing) that it should wash away whatever remnants of the white stuff that survives the weekend.

Running on Sunday is looking a tad dicey, though. I’ve never run in slush and it’s not something that makes my socks roll up and down in excitement, either.

Basically I’m ready for summer.

Keeping in shape at the mall

We got a copious amount of snow, enough that it can’t be described as a dusting, not even a mega-dusting. I’d say it was a mini-dump, enough to be a bother when walking on sidewalks that haven’t been shoveled but not enough to paralyze the area.

Today, with slightly warmer temperatures, the snow became rain and most of the plowed/shoveled areas are now bare again. Yay. The areas that were not touched are covered in a slushy, uneven mixture of water-logged snow. If this stuff freezes (and temperatures are set to go down again thanks to the ominous-sounding Polar Vortex) it will turn into an uneven mixture of jagged ice ready to impale and injure. Not so much yay there.

All of this beings me to my weekend run. I have no idea what the trail at Burnaby Lake would be like except that it would probably be some variation on the slushy, uneven mixture described above. While you can indeed walk on this stuff and stay mostly upright, attempting to do at a higher rate of speed greatly increases the risk of falling on your hiney. I prefer not to do this.

And so it is that for the first time in a long time (possibly ever, though I’d have to check) that I was unable to run due to snow. I’ve actually run in the snow before–once–and it was surprisingly pleasant. But that was when the snow was minimal (a light dusting), very dry and therefore easily compacted under foot. Looking back, it was almost exactly seven years ago (December 13, 2009). That’s long enough to seem like ancient times now. I had yet to run 10K at that point (though I did run 7.99K in the snow).

Now, I have both a Fitbit and an Apple Watch and the Fitbit expects me to walk 10,000 steps a day. The watch has several metrics in its Activity app designed to make sure the day is not spent on a couch pretending to be a legume. With the weather outside being frightful and the thought of lounging about indoors delightful, I had to come up with a plan if I wanted to keep my activity streaks intact (with the bonus of, you know, actual activity which is good for you).

My solution was to go to Metrotown. Walking end to end in that mall probably takes the average person 12 hours. I can do it in less time, though it is a test of my navigation skills. Sunday afternoons tend to be crowded, so I was constantly adjusting my pace, slowing and accelerating, slipping past mega-strollers and people glued to their smartphones. I also did a little shopping, mostly of the window variety. Eventually I realized a more optimal path could be found outside the mall, as the sidewalks skirting the exterior had little traffic, with the bonus of no Christmas music.

I did this both yesterday and today and hit my goals both days. It was nice to meet my targets and yet silly at the same time. Who goes to a mall as part of an exercise regime? And yet it worked.

Now I’m just biding my time waiting for this damn snow to disappear. The next week is looking dry and cold so it’s probably going to hang around just long enough to tease a white Christmas before a deluge washes it all away. It’s our Christmas tradition.

Random thoughts for December 9th

  • It’s been snowing most of the day and into the evening. This is the most snow we’ve had since the Great Snow of 2008. I expect it to end in giant lakes of slush, as is the tradition of big Vancouver snowfalls.
  • After a week of near or just-below freezing temperatures it’s finally starting to get a little cool in the condo. Without turning the heat on it plunges down to…22ºC.
  • I like tacos.
  • I missed my second drawing for December. I should probably have picked a day to do them (eg. every Monday) instead of a date (eg. the first day of the month, then one week later, then another week later, etc.). I’ll draw something on the weekend. A blizzard, maybe.
  • I’m seriously thinking about buying an electric razor because I’ve come to loathe using a razor blade and shaving cream. I want to shave and go as quickly as possible so I have more time to write lists of random thoughts.
  • I completed my Goodreads Book Challenge for 2016, reading 32 of 32 books. I’ve since read #33 and am working on #34 now. This is the one perk of a long commute.
  • Why does the SkyTrain run slow in the snow when there is no actual snow on the rails?
  • The Goretex jacket is paying off.
  • Next week I start on the road back to 150 again after a month and a half of backsliding due to a) usual level of snacking combined with b) no lunchtime walks c) lunch and d) a lot less running.
  • The sun set at 4:13 p.m. today. I hate winter.