The flabby run

Average pace: 5:19/km
Location: Burnaby Lake (CCW)
Ran Piper Mill Trail, Conifer and Spruce Loops
Distance: 6.15 km
Weather: Sunny
Temp: 18ºC
Wind: light
Calories burned: 444
Total distance to date: 2460 km

It’s been over two weeks since my last run and with so few runs over the last month and a half I am officially in kind-of-out-of-shape territory.

Witness today’s run.

Conditions were surprisingly pleasant. Our early winter temporarily retreated and it was a balmy 18ºC and sunny, with a light breeze blowing. It was entirely comfortable, weather-wise.

I walked to Burnaby Lake and pondered whether to do 5K or 10K. I chose 10K but knew I’d probably bail partway through. The run started out fine, though I could feel I was definitely off my usual pace. By the second km I could feel much more clearly that I was slower. I even started developing a stitch, something that normally only happens when I’m pushing too hard, which was absolutely not happening. My pace fell 9% in that second km and I decided a shorter run would give me less depressing results than a 10 or 11K run.

I felt an odd sense of obligation to make up for lost time once I reached Still Creek and the halfway mark, so I continued on, deciding to stretch the run to 6K and then walk the rest of the way around the lake. That last km seemed to stretch on forever, partly because I misjudged where I’d be at the end and partly because I just really wanted to stop running. I wasn’t in pain, I was just tired.

I did improve my pace in the last km, ending on a high note but with a terrible overall pace of 5:19/km (my prior run on September 22 was 5:05). The only real way to fix this is to run more. It’s more complicated now with the sun setting so soon after I get home but some combination of running around the golf course at lunch (the college is next to it), combined with treadmill runs at the Canada Games Pool and maybe runs at a lit track may help during the week, with the usual longer run on the weekend.

It’s hard to imagine my times getting even worse unless I take even more time off but there’s always hope!

Ten things I would do if I won the lottery

Because you can never have too many lists, here are ten random things I’d do if I won a multi-million dollar lottery jackpot, in no particular order:

  1. Buy some nice shoes. I have been buying better shoes of late, especially for running, but I generally go cheap on clothes because I am dumb and like replacing my clothes a lot. With millions of dollars in my bank account I might get over this.
  2. Buy a Cintiq graphics tablet. Since they start around $1000 and I have $10 worth of drawing talent this is the only way I could justify getting one.
  3. Buy a new car. A red car. With a radio. I’d never drive it but it would be nice to have.
  4. Buy a house. I would definitely use this. Nothing too big or fancy because that means more cleaning.
  5. Take several trips to faraway places like Europe, the tropics or low Earth orbit.
  6. Buy a fancy new computer, possibly with racing stripes.
  7. Donate a not insignificant amount to charity, family and friends.
  8. Help fund a worthwhile project. Since I don’t normally do this I’d also have to research a worthwhile project.
  9. Buy a new bed. There is never a bad time to do this.
  10. Devote copious amounts of time to writing, possibly coming up with better ideas for blog entries as a result.

My fortune in cookies featuring bonus fortunes

Last week we went out for Chinese food and at the end of the meal we got our fortune cookies, which are actually kind of awful in a way, tasting a bit like crunchy sweet cardboard. But never mind that, when I cracked my cookie open I found not one, not two, not three, but FOUR fortunes. It was a fortunecopia, a fortunepalooza, a veritable windfall of fortune.

I figured getting four fortunes for the price of one must mean something so here is my attempt to interpret the deeper meaning of these four cookie-encased slips of paper:

Do not dwell on differences with a loved one – try to compromise.

Okay, I got nothing for this one, it sounds like something from a Dear Abby advice column. Don’t dwell on differences? Compromise? These are not exactly bold ideas.

Your fondest dream will come true within this year.

Does this mean a literal dream, the kind I have when I’m sleeping? I have some nice dreams on occasion but they also tend to bend reality in ways I’m not sure I’d like to actually see happen, so instead I interpret this as “You will win big bucks in the lottery” because…wait, no, that’s not a fond dream. I mean, it fits, with fortune cookie and all but I prefer to think it’s referring to something more fulfilling than a giant pile of money to swim in.

Therefore it must be predicting that I will publish something “within this year” to critical and/or financial success. And by “within the year” must mean the next 12 months because the odds of me publishing something before the end of 2013 in the next two months and change are…well, let’s look at the next fortune….

Do something unusual tomorrow.

Publishing something tomorrow would qualify as unusual, perhaps over-qualify. Since tomorrow has come and gone in relation to getting the fortune I guess I already did something unusual that was also dull, since I can’t recall anything that qualifies. On the other hand, maybe it ties in with the next fortune:

Try a new hat for a change in looks. Be creative!

This isn’t a fortune so much as an imperative to shake things up a little. I normally wear a ball cap most days and sometimes a small toque in the winter, as befits my Canadian heritage. I recently joked about wearing a tam (a Scottish cap similar to a beret but perhaps less [or more?] fancied by hipsters). If I wanted to be really creative I’d probably go full Carmen Miranda and wear a giant headdress of fruit. Or a fedora, as I’d look equally ridiculous with either atop my head.

Okay, so I’m going to wear a silly new hat, publish my writing and be reasonable with my partner. As fortunes go, it could be worse.

The short story collection September 2013 update, Part 2

Having looked over more of the stories that I plan to gather together into a collection I’ve concluded that meeting my self-imposed deadline of year’s end will require winning the lottery so I can devote all my time to writing, a miracle on the level of something that would make for a snazzy short story or some combination thereof.

The main problem is that although I have a lot of completed stories, they are not finished. Most are first drafts and a number of them are rough first drafts or simply reflect a level of writing quality that I feel falls short of what I am capable of now. Why toss a bunch of mediocre stories into a collection? That’s not going to make for good dust jacket quotes. “From the author that brought you the so-so collection 10 Pairs of Shorts comes his latest average novel!”

Instead of mildly freaking out about this as I once might have, I’ve adopted a more sanguine attitude. The collection will continue to be worked on regularly but I’m no longer going to pressure myself with the arbitrary deadline of December 31, 2013. Besides, everyone will be drunk that night and won’t want to read, anyway.

Going forward I’m going to work on the collection at a more relaxed pace, dive back into the next draft of The Ferry and start doing the prep work for my NaNoWriMo 2013 novel, which will, I promise*, be a spectacle to behold.

 

* promise subject to change without notice

Goodbye, September! (and good riddance)

September kind of sucked, just like summer kind of sucked.

But rather than dwell on the lowlights (throat infection, lack of running, rampant illness at work, cell phone being stupid, the first major storm coming in early like an unwelcome preview of winter, etc.) I will instead focus on the positives from the month:

  • I rediscovered a bunch of old music–and still like it!
  • I’ve started reading The Dark Tower after having bought the first novel decades ago and am finding it a good romp so far.
  • The last day of summer was pleasantly warm and sunny.
  • My birthday was quiet but nice.
  • I got a replacement phone (just today) that will hopefully not excel in mysterious battery drain like its predecessor.
  • I did not get hit by a blimp.

Onward to October, the first day of which promises to be wet and unseasonably cold. Hooray!

Back in the music time machine with Queen

As expected, I used more of my iTunes funds to dig up another relic from my youth, this time the 1980 album The Game by Queen. I originally had this on vinyl and I remember the album slip was very silver and shiny.

How does it rate on the Neil Diamond sparkle shirt scale 33 years later? Let’s find out.

Sparkle shirt. Sparkly!

Queen, The Game
“What I knew of Queen in 1980 consisted of a few hits, notably “We are the Champions” and “We Will Rock You”, both of which I found slightly annoying even while admitting they were effective arena/power-anthem songs. I was, however, a huge fan of their silly mini-epic “Bohemian Rhapsody” and played my sister’s 45 enough to get her peeved at me. This was back when media could actually wear out, so her reaction was not entirely inappropriate. She’d also had a lot of her vinyl trashed by being left out in the rain by one or both of my brothers during one of their infamous sibling battles so she was maybe more protective than usual about her music collection. But I digress. I liked the song and yet Queen was never really on my radar.

In 1980 the band released The Game which was the start of a new direction for the group, mainly through the introduction of synthesizers and an overall softer sound. I recall their next album, Hot Space, was condemned in one review as being “over-produced” and The Game was definitely the first step toward that. At the time I wasn’t aware of any of this, all I knew is that “Another One Bites the Dust” was catchy as all get-out and a huge hit and was followed by the equally catchy Elvis callback “Crazy Little Thing Called Love”, the video (pre-MTV) of which features the least convincing display of machismo ever:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EE34cSvZCd8

With two solid radio hits I picked the album up and generally lurved it, though it falls into that curious collection of albums I really enjoyed and yet never purchased anything else from the same artist ever again. It remains the only Queen album I’ve ever bought.

Listening to it today some aspects are dated, mainly the way the synths are used, along with reverb and other sound effects. They mostly distract from the music, adding little to the songs.

The songs themselves cover a pleasing variety of styles in the span of a brisk 35 minutes. “Don’t Try Suicide” may still be the catchiest yet most cynical anti-suicide song ever, with lyrics like “Don’t try suicide, nobody cares/Don’t try suicide, nobody gives a damn”. “Rock it (Prime Jive)” features drummer Roger Taylor’s weird growling vocals and Brian May provides an appropriately smooth voice for his ballad “Sail Away Sweet Sister”. The focus remains on Freddie Mercury and he struts through the rest of the tracks with the confidence of a veteran performer (The Game was Queen’s eighth album). There are really no bad songs on the album, though “Rock It” comes across lyrically as a bit inane (Taylor also wrote “Radio Ga Ga”).

While at times a bit dated and dotted with unnecessary flourishes, The Game remains a strong testament to the talent of Queen. I can listen to it now and separate it completely from my time in high school when I originally bought it, which speaks to the overall quality of the music.

Rating:
8/10 Neil Diamond sparkle shirts

A brief weather report

The last day of summer was warm and sunny.

The first day of fall was cool and damp.

This reassuringly normal weather pattern disturbs me, somehow. How can I sarcastically riff on weather that is proper and unremarkable?

Stupid normal weather.

The Tale of the Tub Spider (and his outdoor friend)

The outdoor friend is a very large spider hanging out on the deck, having spun a massive web at the edge of it. I first spotted the spider sitting square in the middle of it but my presence freaked him out and he retreated to a safe position off the web and above it, moving incredibly swiftly in a diagonal line. Sadly today when I checked the spider was still in his safe spot but most of the web had been obliterated, probably due to the storm that swept in earlier today. I am hoping the spider rebuilds because it’s one of the biggest I’ve seen recently.

Tub spider was just that, a large (but not outdoor friend large) spider roaming about the bathtub in the main bathroom. Since there’s no obvious way to get in the tub except via the drain (if you’re a spider, that is), I’m assuming that was where he came in from, but it was clear that even if it was he was in no hurry to return to it. He kept lapping the tub, neatly avoiding the drain each time he neared it. I decided to leave him be, thinking he would eventually give up and return to the drain.

The next day he was still skittering around the tub as before.

The day after that he was no longer skittering. He was sitting, perhaps pondering his probably terrible fate. It was then I fished him up in a glass and found him to still be very agile. I took him outside and tossed him onto the lawn, just past the massive web of his outdoor friend. I like to think he’s off happily hunting bugs now and will know to stay away from drains. I may be expecting too much.

This concludes another “I don’t step on spiders” post.

The first day of fall run (2013)

Average pace: 5:05/km
Location: Burnaby Lake (CCW)
Ran Piper Mill Trail, Conifer and Spruce Loops
Distance: 5.03 km
Weather: Cloudy, light showers
Temp: 15ºC
Wind: light
Calories burned: 364
Total distance to date: 2454 km

And 20 days later…

Having my next run delayed by a) a throat infection b( overtime at work and c) gorging myself at a birthday dinner, it was finally 20 days later that I took my first tentative steps back running. In that time we saw the end of summer (yesterday), which was a sunny and pleasantly warm day and the first day of fall (today) which was noticeably cooler and monsoon-like. The Rains have returned to the Lower Mainland.

As often on rainy days I held off, hoping to catch a break in the weather. By mind-afternoon such a break arrived and I headed out, opting to wear my newly water-proofed jacket, not because it was cold (15ºC is still pretty mild) but to ward off any incoming precipitation.

For the first 4 km it looked like it was actually clearing up and the jacket made me feel a bit warm, though not uncomfortably so. The last km it did start to shower but only lightly so the jacket was a bit of a wash, so to speak.

The biggest change I noticed today, apart from the changed weather (it was 26ºC and sunny on September 2, my last run day) were the leaves, Mainly they were everywhere, along with lots of branches freshly blown down by today’s storm.

Fortunately none of this proved to be a negative on the run. I did decide when I got to the lake to only do 5K to avoid pushing myself too hard and I switched back to my Nikes over the minimalist MT110s. I got off to a surprisingly strong start and held up fairly well, coming in with a 5:05/km pace that I deem perfectly acceptable. Bollocks was a non-issue, though the left foot was just starting to complain as I walked back to the Sperling/Burnaby Lake SkyTrain station.

Overall it was an encouraging return. Yay, I sez.

What does the fox say?

Over 30 million views and counting to find out:

Since seeing this video I have repeatedly had the stupid song get stuck in my head. I hope that my small part in helping it spread throughout the Internet will purge it from my brain, somehow.

I’m a creep, I’m a Jedi

The developers of Star Wars: The Old Republic recently added the mood “creepy” to the game. Moods are sort of fixed emotes that are meant to convey the current emotional state of your character. I’m not sure what “creepy” is meant to suggest.

Let’s look at my Jedi consular Nedolin (yes, I am very clever coming up with names):

Creepy Nedolin

The black soulless eyes and weirdly stretched proto-grin do indeed convey a level of creepiness, but it also suggest he is under a great deal of strain maintaining the look, as if he were putting on a mask. Perhaps he’s just learned his family has been trampled to death by a herd of Banthas and he is struggling to maintain his composure while at one of those interminable Jedi council meetings.

This is weird. I took another shot of Nedolin feelin’ creepy just tonight and it turned out like this:

Nedolin still creepy

Here he looks like the jerk in school who always shook you down for the candy bar your mom packed in your lunch. “You don’t need that snack, padawan. Don’t make me take it from you by force. Get it? Hahaha.”

Now I can’t decide what is more disturbing, that they added “creepy” to the game, that it apparently has different looks or that I’ve spent an entire post wondering about it.