Lists

Random questions and thoughts, June 4, 2023

  • If someone had a time machine, travelled back 66 million years and managed to nudge the asteroid that wiped out the dinosaurs so that it never hit Earth, would I be awkwardly typing this now with the tiny arms of an Acheroraptor?
  • Shirts with vertical stripes look weird. I can’t even explain why, they just do.
  • Why do some people litter?
  • Would interviews be better or worse if everyone in the interview was compelled by magic/technology to answer all questions with complete honesty?
  • What do billionaires think about on their deathbeds?
  • There’s a cereal you can get only in the U.S. called Quisp and when you think about it, it’s a pretty odd name. Maybe it’s a portmanteau of Quaker and crisp? Still odd.
  • If I could uninvent autotune, I probably would.
  • Male names I like (these will show up as character names for protagonists in stories of mine): Ethan, Christian, Jacob
  • Something I would never wear: Plaid shorts
  • What’s better, warm soda or a stale cookie?
  • I am still kind of amazed every time I see a jet take off and fly. I know the science, it still amazes me.
  • Why are some people mean? Do mean people litter?

These are a few of my favourite things

In no particular order:

  • Pizza
  • The number 9 (but not the song)
  • Dark pink
  • Gum Gum People
  • New running shoes
  • Showering then going to bed with clean sheets
  • Hot chocolate on a cold winter day
  • Drinking briskly cool water from a fountain after a run in summer
  • The scent of freshly cut wood
  • Songs I never get tired of, no matter how many billions of times I listen to them
  • Re-reading something I wrote years later and coming away impressed
  • Fixing up a bad drawing
  • Improvising a zinger that is way funnier than it has any right to be (this is not a common occurence)
  • Getting lost in a great novel
  • Watching a movie where characters are smart, believable and competent
  • Happy endings
  • Dioramas. They’re just cool and spiffy.

I’ll do a sequel post on this later this year. This was all off the top of my head, so there’s going to be things I missed.

Microsoft decides Windows users want ads everywhere, all the time

I’d been using my Mac for the past few days and didn’t realize Microsoft had updated the weather app in Windows 11. This is actually a surprisingly comprehensive and handsome-looking app, showing the kind of taste that Steve Jobs said Microsoft never had.

The updated version of the app is terrible. It’s pretty much exactly what Steve Jobs said about Microsoft having no taste–cluttered, ugly, and on top of that, it now has a large ad stuffed into it. It’s a built-in app, so it would be nice to escape ads while I’m using it. What next? Calculator sponsored by Crest? Terminal with a 10-second rolling ad before you can type anything?

Fortunately, I used my internet smarts to do the following:

  • Uninstall the odious new app
  • Download the old version and re-install it
  • Disable auto-updates in the Microsoft Store, hopefully insuring the new app will not come back on its own
  • Provide feedback through Microsoft’s handy Feedback Hub to tell them to stop stuffing ads into every corner of Windows

It’s like Microsoft has resigned itself to most people just switching to Macs, so they’re going to squeeze the remaining few for everything they’ve got with ads and monetization.

Bah. Bad Microsoft!

Here’s a shot of the new version:

Tanks for the updated app! (ho ho)

And here’s the lovingly restored old version:

Yes, it’s looking to be a tad warm this weekend

May the 4th (be with you): Star Wars movies ranked

From the Star Wars page of Disney+

Continuing the trend of bad puns, this time in written form, it’s Star Wars Day. You know, May the 4th be with you, see? It’s funny to everyone except Jedi, and they’re not real, anyway.

Combining Star Wars and lists, here are all the non-animated Star Wars movies, ranked from best to worst, in my very much not humble opinion:

  1. The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
  2. Star Wars1Purists note: I am going by the original release title (1977)
  3. Return of the Jedi (1983)
  4. Rogue One (2016)
  5. The Force Awakens/The Last Jedi (tie2I will explain the tie below) (2015, 2017)
  6. Revenge of the Sith (2005)
  7. The Phantom Menace (1999)
  8. Solo (2018)
  9. Attack of the Clones (2002)
  10. The Rise of Skywalker (2019)

Notes:

  • The top two picks are non-controversial, though some says Star Wars: A New Hope is the better movie, and I can be swayed by these arguments if I’m in the mood. I still give the edge to Empire because I feel it’s a richer experience, with a more assured director at the helm.
  • Yes, Return of the Jedi ranks #3, even with the Ewoks. Yub yub! And this is for the original, not the special edition, where all the changes were uniformly awful.
  • The Force Awakens is a shameless retread of A New Hope, but if you accept that, it’s generally pretty good. I previously ranked The Last Jedi higher, but in retrospect, I think Rian Johnson may have pushed a little too far in subverting expectations for the middle part of a trilogy.
  • Yes, I really do think Revenge of the Sith is better than four other Star Wars films. That doesn’t mean I think it’s a great movie.
  • Regarding the above, even my second-worst pick, Attack of the Clones, is still a lot better than the gormless Rise of Skywalker, some of the most ham-handed, graceless “summer blockbuster” film-making ever. The only Star Wars movie where I left the theatre unambiguously disappointed and shaking my head. I am still shaking my head.
  • Some of these movies I have never seen more than once. If I revisit them, the order above may change.

I won the 6/49 lottery!

Lottery ticket, gambling addiction

OK, I actually won a free play. Someone else won the $64 million jackpot. That’s a lot of money, even if you convert it to U.S. dollars.

So instead of jetting off to some tropical paradise while leaving my noisy neighbours behind, here’s a list of what I might do if I won an unholy sum of money, written while I sit in an IKEA office chair below my noisy neighbours, who I will probably have to endure for the next million years.

I’M RICH, NOW WHAT?

  • Donate millions to assorted favourite charities and causes; do so anonymously
  • Give the people upstairs $20,000 with a note saying, “Enjoy a full and happy life.” They’ll wonder what the catch is.
  • Fund a few people whose work I admire and enjoy
  • Buy a nice single detached home where no one can live above you ever
  • Go somewhere nice for a little while
  • Provide enough to my family to smooth things out for them
  • Do the same for my friends
  • Put the rest of the money in safe investments
  • Work on making stuff (writing, drawing, painting, beat poetry, recording new wave albums, whatever)
  • Try to be a good person
  • Keep running
  • Keep not going to a gym, public or otherwise
  • Have an occasional cookie

A random list of things I like, April 2023 edition

Here it is, in no particular order.

  • Mechanical keyboards
  • World peace
  • Taking photos
  • Drawing
  • Writing
  • Reading (fiction or non-fiction)
  • Video games
  • Music (listening, possibly creating some day1Not quite a bucket list item, but close)
  • Singing, specifically, like Bob Dylan. I do a decent Bob Dylan.
  • Chocolate chip cookies
  • Pizza
  • Making things
  • Getting sprayed with cool water on a very hot summer day
  • Being alone with my thoughts on a run
  • Quiet places
  • Bouncy things, like trampolines
  • Battlebots2What can I say? It’s fun watching 250 pound robots tear each other apart.
  • Roller coasters
  • Bright colours
  • Baseball caps
  • The accents of YouTubers Tom Scott and Mark Brown (both British)
  • Cats3The furry creatures, not the musical
  • Other things that may come to me later

10 light blog post topics

Once again, I consulted my favourite AI after the Master Control Program in TRON, ChatGPT, for 10 light blog topic ideas.

Rather than spread them out over 10 separate posts, I’m going to include all of them conveniently right here!

First, the topics suggested by ChatGPT:

  1. “5 easy DIY home decor ideas”
  2. “10 fun outdoor activities for families”
  3. “Healthy meal prep ideas for the week”
  4. “7 ways to boost your productivity at work”
  5. “A beginner’s guide to mindfulness meditation”
  6. “The benefits of practising gratitude daily”
  7. “How to create a successful morning routine”
  8. “The best books to read for personal growth”
  9. “Budget-friendly date night ideas”
  10. “The importance of self-care and ways to do it”.

And all 10 topics covered below, squashed into this one entry for your convenience and/or reading pleasure:

5 Easy DIY Home Decor Ideas

  1. Don’t just put your kids’ “interesting” drawings on the fridge, paper all the walls of your house with them. You may need more productive kids or many more kids to really make this idea shine.
  2. Take the plastic off your furniture. It’s time.
  3. Get rid of your pets. They shed all over everything. Fish are OK.
  4. Win the lottery and hire a professional interior decorator because let’s face it, you probably don’t know what you’re doing.
  5. Paint the walls with optical illusions that make it look like each room of your home is actually just a shabby corner of some grand palace.

10 Fun Outdoor Activities For Families

  1. Try to get the dog in the car
  2. Try to get the dog out of the car
  3. Lawn darts (note: I think this might be illegal now, so maybe check first to avoid getting arrested and/or having your kids taken away by the child welfare people)
  4. Jumping in puddles in the rain. Works best if you are under six years old.
  5. Count the ants at your picnic in the park
  6. Run away from the bees
  7. Go hiking around a lake, with trees and shit*
  8. Abuse nature with your off-road vehicle
  9. Visit exotic sand dunes, then relive the experience for the next week while you try to get the sand out of everything
  10. Crash your neighbour’s backyard barbecue. You’re pretty sure they like you.

* stolen from McSweeney’s

Healthy Meal Prep Ideas for the Week

  • Salad
  • A plate of raw vegetables
  • More salad
  • Tofu Surprise
  • Probably some more vegetables, maybe in soup this time. But no salt. Sodium is bad.
  • This feels like the right time for more salad
  • Eat out at that vegan place that curiously has no reviews after being open for four months

7 Ways to Boost Your Productivity at Work

  1. Hire someone better than you to do your work
  2. Put in long, grinding, soul-destroying hours
  3. Sharpen pencils on your own time
  4. Rig up one of those little dipping bird things to peck at your keyboard
  5. Get ChatGPT to do all of your programming, writing or email. Basically, anything that you would type out as part of your job.
  6. Encourage management to hire lousy slobs to make you look better in comparison
  7. Redefine your role to best suit your limited skill set

A Beginner’s Guide to Mindfulness Meditation

  • Remember to breathe, or you might pass out or maybe even die
  • Ignore the neighbours screaming and throwing things upstairs–it’s all part of finding inner peace
  • If your yoga position is causing excruciating pain, just remember: The pain is all in your mind

The Benefits of Practising Gratitude Daily

Gosh, this one is tough. I mean, I guess if you’re grateful for something, your life doesn’t totally suck, so that’s good! And being grateful usually means you’re happy about something, so you’re not thinking about how that rat you thought was your friend still owes you a hundred bucks. What’s their deal, anyway? Also, if you’re grateful, maybe you’ll enter an elevated state of mind where you come up with some super genius idea like cold fusion that works, or how to lick climate change. I mean, it’s theoretically possible.

How To Create a Successful Morning Routine

  1. Get up while it’s still morning.
  2. Do the things you need to do.
  3. Repeat every day until the day you die.
  4. You probably don’t need to do this as a ghost or whatever.

The Best Book to Read For Personal Growth

  • Any book with “growth” in the title that is not referring to fungal growth
  • Any book with “habit” in the title that is not about nuns. Or maybe a book about nuns is exactly what you need, sister!
  • “How to Influence People Through Hypnosis and Trickery”
  • Oh wait, I was only supposed to mention one book.
  • Fine, read The Handbook of Etiquette. Sure, it was written in 1860, but that probably means it’s free now, so you save money to put toward your personal growth. And it’s bound to have some decent advice in it. What’s really changed in 163 years?

Budget Friendly Date Night Ideas

  • Have your date pay for everything.
  • Stimulating conversation at the kitchen table
  • $10 bottle of wine and a $15 tent bought from Walmart, in the backyard. Make sure the dog is inside. The house, not the tent.
  • Watching the stars from a grassy hill. You may need to move to the Australian outback for this to really work now.
  • Charades. I’m kidding, you probably want a second date. Or to finish the first one.
  • Troll people on your favourite social media site. Make it a game you play together. See who garners the most angry responses or blocks!

The Importance of Self Care and Ways to Do It

First, if you don’t brush your teeth, it’s highly unlikely someone else will do it for you. So it’s important to do stuff like that unless you have extremely close and generous friends.

Taking care of yourself is best learned through watching endless hours of self-improvement videos on YouTube. There’s too many to list, but you’ll find them. Just watch them all for a few weeks. By the end you’ll be self caring like a mofo, as the kids say.

Also, avoid donuts. I know they are delicious, but they are bad for your teeth–which you have to brush yourself–and they probably contain chemicals that cause cancer.

If you find my advice useful, please support me through my Patreon.

The best and worst running conditions, 2022 Edition (Updated)

Previously:

The best and worst running conditions, 2022 edition (November 7, 2022)

The best worst running conditions: 2016 edition (April 27, 2016)

Bad weather running: the list (updated) (July 10, 2012)

Bad running weather: the list (July 13, 2011)

Yes, I’m updating this list mere weeks later because I finally ran in a new weather condition: fog. Let’s see where it ranks!

Reminder: This list is ranked from best to worst conditions. Really, only the top three are what I’d consider ideal for running.

  1. Overcast and light breeze. This is actually ideal conditions. It is usually never too cold or warm when the weather is like this. Temperature-wise, we’re looking at around 15C.
  2. Moderate wind. Moderate wind is fine. I have a cap that stays in place now.
  3. Warm sun. Warm is no big thing. I’m talking about 20ºC or thereabouts.
  4. Light rain. You might think light rain would be nice, but it really isn’t. You still get soaked, and in the summer there’s no real way to dress for it. And it still feels cold(ish), even in mid-July.
  5. Snow. I’ve only run in light snow a few times, and it was fun. Light snow is shallow and fluffy, so it’s easy to move through. I’m thinking a foot of snow would probably be less so.
  6. Cold rain. Cold rain means cold hands and if you wear gloves they need to be waterproof. Cold rain is never fun. WARNING: Click the footnote for nipple content 1Plus my nipples are weirdly sensitive to the cold now and cold rain is like torturing them. Poor little nipples. UPDATE FOR 2022: It turns out the nipples are more sensitive to moisture more than the cold, as The Nipple Issue™ returned in Summer 2022..
  7. Hard rain. This has the potential to wreak havoc with any non-waterproof items you may be carrying, and it’s hard to see if you wear glasses. I wear glasses.
  8. Extreme cold. I’ve run in sub-freezing conditions and been fine. I’m thinking Arctic tundra-type cold here.
  9. Heavy wind. The resistance means you work a lot harder to achieve the same result, and my cap has to be on tight enough to cut off circulation, so it doesn’t fly away. This is pretty rare where I run, though. And I don’t run during actual windstorms due to the very real danger of flying (tree) debris.
  10. Hot sun. When it’s hot, my body feels like a furnace, and I’m left parched as all get-out. Dry mouth and lips are yucky. By hot, I mean high 20s and up. While it still gets hot in the summer, a new contender has arrived to usurp it. Keep reading!
  11. Fog. *NEW* Running in fog is fun in terms of the spooky and quiet atmosphere it produces. Unfortunately, it also means the fog itself–a low-hanging mist–adheres to my glasses, making it seem about five times foggier than it is and, thus, much harder to see where I’m going. This is not particularly good when running.
  12. Hard rain and heavy wind. Likeliest weather to make me wonder to myself, ‘What was I thinking?’ when running.
  13. Hot sun and heavy wind. Or “What would it be like to do a run on a windy day in the Sahara?” Heat dries you out, the wind makes it harder to run and dries you out even more. Bleah. This combination is, however, pretty rare.
  14. Hail. Getting pelted by little ice rocks is unpleasant. I’ve been caught in hail twice and did not like it either time. Still, twice since 2009 is not bad.
  15. Cyclists. I have grown to loathe anyone on a bicycle, especially since the area where I run most frequently–Burnaby Lake–forbids bicycles, but cyclists show up anyway, sometimes in packs. They tend to be either little kids who will wobble suddenly and unpredictably in front of you, or jerks who power through as fast as they can pedal, oblivious to the presence or safety of others.
  16. Dogs. See here. I’ve had a dog knock me down while running. The weather has never done this.
  17. Tree roots. See here. I’ve only tripped and fallen over a tree root while jogging at full speed once, but once was enough. Fortunately, the resurfacing of the trails at Burnaby Lake means almost all exposed roots are now gone.
  18. Hot sun/heat and high humidity. *NEW* This is my other new entry for 2022. See how Hot sun is way up there at #10? The heat/high humidity combo is so much lower because IT IS TERRIBLE. While I don’t suffer from a parched mouth in this weather, the combo of 30C+ weather and extremely high humidity in the summer of 2022 made running a horrible slog, no matter what the time of day. It was only just less horrible, depending. And it happened for nearly the entire summer, earning its hallowed spot here.

The Culling Continues: Blowing away iCloud Photos

While this is independent of the rather freaky story on MacRumors about corrupted videos and photos from unknown sources appearing on iCloud for Windows, I have still decided to ultimately turn off iCloud Photos. The biggest downside to this is I’ll no longer have photos taken on my iPhone automatically be made available on other devices, which is an admittedly nice feature.

Turning this off also means I’ll no longer have a backup of my photos on Apple’s servers (which may not be a bad thing if the above story hints to the stability and security of their infrastructure), so I’ll need an alternative. Here’s my plan, because I love a good plan and also lists:

  • Store photos in another cloud service. I have OneDrive, and it’s already automatically uploading photos from my phone to its cloud server, so this part is happening now.
  • Store photos in a NAS (local network storage). I’ve had a Synology NAS for awhile and have now set up the Synology Photos app to backup my photos from the phone. I’ll move the photos over in batches (I have…a few) until they are all in place, then will have the app on the phone set to only upload new photos going forward.

Once I have both of the above in place, I’ll delete the photos I have stored in iCloud and then turn off iCloud Photos. This will also make it easier to drop all Apple services save for Apple Music (I’m still paying for 200 GB of iCloud storage), and make it easier to move to a different phone in the future if I decide to do that.

You may be thinking I am souring on Apple–and you would be right! But that is a rant for another day.

My unwritten, unrecorded and undoubtedly underappreciated concept album: 13 Unlucky Songs

Today, while on my run, several songs from The Magnetic Fields’ 69 Love Songs came up on shuffle play. I suddenly thought of ripping off the concept with a scaled down, differently-themed album using the same general premise. I give you…

13 Unlucky Songs

  1. Under the Ladder
  2. The Crack on the Sidewalk
  3. Dropping the Mirror
  4. Break a leg
  5. My Black Cat
  6. Shoes on the Table
  7. Don’t Test the Umbrella
  8. Rocking Chair
  9. The Stopped Clock
  10. 1954 Calendar
  11. The Owl is Just What It Seems
  12. Green Room
  13. The Hat on the Bed

Also, I accidentally learned about some superstitions I was unaware of while coming up with song titles. Unintended education.

Now to record this in Garage Band, right after I learn how to make music, since my knowledge of this is currently close to zero. I mean, I know what notes and sheet music are. I know guitars are cool. That’s probably enough, right?

The best and worst running conditions, 2022 edition

Previously:

The best worst running conditions: 2016 edition (April 27, 2016)

Bad weather running: the list (updated) (July 10, 2012)

Bad running weather: the list (July 13, 2011)

Due to climate change and certain incidents, I feel it’s time to update the list again. Here are the best/worst running conditions. Unlike the previous entries, I’ve numbered them from best to worst, to keep things more positive or something. For the record, only the top three are really what I’d call “good” running conditions.

  1. Overcast and light breeze. This is actually ideal conditions. It is usually never too cold or warm when the weather is like this. Temperature-wise, we’re looking at around 15C.
  2. Moderate wind. Moderate wind is fine. I have a cap that stays in place now.
  3. Warm sun. Warm is no big thing. I’m talking about 20ºC or thereabouts.
  4. Light rain. You might think light rain would be nice, but it really isn’t. You still get soaked, and in the summer there’s no real way to dress for it. And it still feels cold(ish), even in mid-July.
  5. Snow. I’ve only run in light snow a few times, and it was fun. Light snow is shallow and fluffy, so it’s easy to move through. I’m thinking a foot of snow would probably be less so.
  6. Cold rain. Cold rain means cold hands and if you wear gloves they need to be waterproof. Cold rain is never fun. Plus my nipples are weirdly sensitive to the cold now and cold rain is like torturing them. Poor little nipples. UPDATE FOR 2022: It turns out the nipples are more sensitive to moisture more than the cold, as The Nipple Issue™ returned in Summer 2022.
  7. Hard rain. This has the potential to wreak havoc with any non-waterproof items you may be carrying, and it’s hard to see if you wear glasses. I wear glasses.
  8. Extreme cold. I’ve run in sub-freezing conditions and been fine. I’m thinking Arctic tundra-type cold here.
  9. Heavy wind. The resistance means you work a lot harder to achieve the same result, and my cap has to be on tight enough to cut off circulation, so it doesn’t fly away. This is pretty rare where I run, though. And I don’t run during actual windstorms due to the very real danger of flying (tree) debris.
  10. Hot sun. When it’s hot, my body feels like a furnace, and I’m left parched as all get-out. Dry mouth and lips are yucky. By hot, I mean high 20s and up. While it still gets hot in the summer, a new contender has arrived to usurp it. Keep reading!
  11. Hard rain and heavy wind. Likeliest weather to make me wonder to myself, ‘What was I thinking?’ when running.
  12. Hot sun and heavy wind. Or “What would it be like to do a run on a windy day in the Sahara?” Heat dries you out, the wind makes it harder to run and dries you out even more. Bleah. This combination is, however, pretty rare.
  13. Hail. Getting pelted by little ice rocks is unpleasant. I’ve been caught in hail twice and did not like it either time. Still, twice since 2009 is not bad.
  14. Cyclists. I have grown to loathe anyone on a bicycle, especially since the area where I run most frequently–Burnaby Lake–forbids bicycles, but cyclists show up anyway, sometimes in packs. They tend to be either little kids who will wobble suddenly and unpredictably in front of you, or jerks who power through as fast as they can pedal, oblivious to the presence or safety of others.
  15. Dogs. See here. I’ve had a dog knock me down while running. The weather has never done this.
  16. Tree roots. See here. I’ve only tripped and fallen over a tree root while jogging at full speed once, but once was enough. Fortunately, the resurfacing of the trails at Burnaby Lake means almost all exposed roots are now gone.
  17. Hot sun/heat and high humidity. This is the new entry for 2022 (the tree root happened in 2016, but the previous version of the list was written pre-root). See how Hot sun is way up there at #10? The heat/high humidity combo is so much lower because IT IS TERRIBLE. While I don’t suffer from a parched mouth in this weather, the combo of 30C+ weather and extremely high humidity in the summer of 2022 made running a horrible slog, no matter what the time of day. It was only just less horrible, depending. And it happened for nearly the entire summer, earning its hallowed spot here.