My final decision for National Novel Writing Month 2023

I will not be participating. I (and you) will have to imagine the terrible novel I probably would have half-finished.

Instead, I asked ChatGPT to describe a scenario where my imaginary NaNoWriMo novel lead to great success. Here is what it said:

In a whirlwind of creativity and determination, I penned a captivating tale during this year’s National Novel Writing Month that took readers on an unforgettable journey. The story was woven with intricate plotlines, compelling characters, and a touch of magic that resonated with readers on a profound level. With every page turned, readers found themselves immersed in a world that felt both familiar and fantastical, a place where dreams and reality collided in the most enchanting way. The novel struck a chord with people from all walks of life, drawing them in with its rich imagery and emotional depth. Word of mouth spread like wildfire, and soon the book became a topic of discussion in literary circles and book clubs. Social media buzzed with excitement, and the novel’s fan base grew exponentially. Rave reviews poured in, praising the story’s originality, eloquence, and ability to touch the hearts of readers. Publishers vied for the opportunity to bring this literary masterpiece to a wider audience. Ultimately, the novel became a major success, topping bestseller lists and garnering awards, turning its humble origins in National Novel Writing Month into a literary sensation that captured the hearts of readers worldwide.

ChatGPT on what could have been

This is nothing short of amazing – Me

10 light blog post topics

Once again, I consulted my favourite AI after the Master Control Program in TRON, ChatGPT, for 10 light blog topic ideas.

Rather than spread them out over 10 separate posts, I’m going to include all of them conveniently right here!

First, the topics suggested by ChatGPT:

  1. “5 easy DIY home decor ideas”
  2. “10 fun outdoor activities for families”
  3. “Healthy meal prep ideas for the week”
  4. “7 ways to boost your productivity at work”
  5. “A beginner’s guide to mindfulness meditation”
  6. “The benefits of practising gratitude daily”
  7. “How to create a successful morning routine”
  8. “The best books to read for personal growth”
  9. “Budget-friendly date night ideas”
  10. “The importance of self-care and ways to do it”.

And all 10 topics covered below, squashed into this one entry for your convenience and/or reading pleasure:

5 Easy DIY Home Decor Ideas

  1. Don’t just put your kids’ “interesting” drawings on the fridge, paper all the walls of your house with them. You may need more productive kids or many more kids to really make this idea shine.
  2. Take the plastic off your furniture. It’s time.
  3. Get rid of your pets. They shed all over everything. Fish are OK.
  4. Win the lottery and hire a professional interior decorator because let’s face it, you probably don’t know what you’re doing.
  5. Paint the walls with optical illusions that make it look like each room of your home is actually just a shabby corner of some grand palace.

10 Fun Outdoor Activities For Families

  1. Try to get the dog in the car
  2. Try to get the dog out of the car
  3. Lawn darts (note: I think this might be illegal now, so maybe check first to avoid getting arrested and/or having your kids taken away by the child welfare people)
  4. Jumping in puddles in the rain. Works best if you are under six years old.
  5. Count the ants at your picnic in the park
  6. Run away from the bees
  7. Go hiking around a lake, with trees and shit*
  8. Abuse nature with your off-road vehicle
  9. Visit exotic sand dunes, then relive the experience for the next week while you try to get the sand out of everything
  10. Crash your neighbour’s backyard barbecue. You’re pretty sure they like you.

* stolen from McSweeney’s

Healthy Meal Prep Ideas for the Week

  • Salad
  • A plate of raw vegetables
  • More salad
  • Tofu Surprise
  • Probably some more vegetables, maybe in soup this time. But no salt. Sodium is bad.
  • This feels like the right time for more salad
  • Eat out at that vegan place that curiously has no reviews after being open for four months

7 Ways to Boost Your Productivity at Work

  1. Hire someone better than you to do your work
  2. Put in long, grinding, soul-destroying hours
  3. Sharpen pencils on your own time
  4. Rig up one of those little dipping bird things to peck at your keyboard
  5. Get ChatGPT to do all of your programming, writing or email. Basically, anything that you would type out as part of your job.
  6. Encourage management to hire lousy slobs to make you look better in comparison
  7. Redefine your role to best suit your limited skill set

A Beginner’s Guide to Mindfulness Meditation

  • Remember to breathe, or you might pass out or maybe even die
  • Ignore the neighbours screaming and throwing things upstairs–it’s all part of finding inner peace
  • If your yoga position is causing excruciating pain, just remember: The pain is all in your mind

The Benefits of Practising Gratitude Daily

Gosh, this one is tough. I mean, I guess if you’re grateful for something, your life doesn’t totally suck, so that’s good! And being grateful usually means you’re happy about something, so you’re not thinking about how that rat you thought was your friend still owes you a hundred bucks. What’s their deal, anyway? Also, if you’re grateful, maybe you’ll enter an elevated state of mind where you come up with some super genius idea like cold fusion that works, or how to lick climate change. I mean, it’s theoretically possible.

How To Create a Successful Morning Routine

  1. Get up while it’s still morning.
  2. Do the things you need to do.
  3. Repeat every day until the day you die.
  4. You probably don’t need to do this as a ghost or whatever.

The Best Book to Read For Personal Growth

  • Any book with “growth” in the title that is not referring to fungal growth
  • Any book with “habit” in the title that is not about nuns. Or maybe a book about nuns is exactly what you need, sister!
  • “How to Influence People Through Hypnosis and Trickery”
  • Oh wait, I was only supposed to mention one book.
  • Fine, read The Handbook of Etiquette. Sure, it was written in 1860, but that probably means it’s free now, so you save money to put toward your personal growth. And it’s bound to have some decent advice in it. What’s really changed in 163 years?

Budget Friendly Date Night Ideas

  • Have your date pay for everything.
  • Stimulating conversation at the kitchen table
  • $10 bottle of wine and a $15 tent bought from Walmart, in the backyard. Make sure the dog is inside. The house, not the tent.
  • Watching the stars from a grassy hill. You may need to move to the Australian outback for this to really work now.
  • Charades. I’m kidding, you probably want a second date. Or to finish the first one.
  • Troll people on your favourite social media site. Make it a game you play together. See who garners the most angry responses or blocks!

The Importance of Self Care and Ways to Do It

First, if you don’t brush your teeth, it’s highly unlikely someone else will do it for you. So it’s important to do stuff like that unless you have extremely close and generous friends.

Taking care of yourself is best learned through watching endless hours of self-improvement videos on YouTube. There’s too many to list, but you’ll find them. Just watch them all for a few weeks. By the end you’ll be self caring like a mofo, as the kids say.

Also, avoid donuts. I know they are delicious, but they are bad for your teeth–which you have to brush yourself–and they probably contain chemicals that cause cancer.

If you find my advice useful, please support me through my Patreon.

The un-peace

cheerful young woman screaming into megaphone
Except less happy and more upstairs. Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on

I asked ChatGPT (now my best friend) to write a haiku about noisy neighbours upstairs, and it nailed it.

Early morning steps
Upstairs neighbour stomps around
Peaceful dreams now gone

I have nothing to add.

Exciting blog topics: Too exciting

a vintage typewriter
I love stock photos. Photo by Suzy Hazelwood on

I asked ChatGPT to generate ten exciting blog topics because I didn’t even write anything yesterday and felt bad. It came up with a list that’s way too ambitious compared to the kind of mindless frippery I usually post here. So I’m just going to paste its list instead and call this a success.

10 Exciting Blog Topics

  1. “Exploring the Future of Artificial Intelligence and its Impact on Society”
  2. “The Rise of Remote Work and its Effect on Productivity”
  3. “Sustainability in the Fashion Industry: How Brands are Making a Difference”
  4. “The Science of Sleep: Understanding the Importance of a Good Night’s Rest”
  5. “The Evolution of Virtual Reality: How it is Changing the Way We Experience the World”
  6. “The Future of Transportation: Electric Cars, Hyperloops, and More”
  7. “The Mental Health Benefits of Gardening and How to Get Started”
  8. “The Role of Artificial Intelligence in Healthcare”
  9. “The Future of Food: How Technology is Changing the Way We Grow and Eat”
  10. “Exploring the Benefits of Mindfulness Meditation and How to Get Started”

A haiku to getting fat

Today, I weighed in at a high-for-the-month weight of 163.2 pounds. This is bad and I feel bad. I vow to do better, even though it’s December and it may seem like a hopeless battle.

I asked ChatGPT to write a haiku about gaining weight. It still managed to put a positive spin on it.

Gaining Weight: A haiku by ChatGPT

Winter has come,
Gone are the days of summer sun.
Now I must eat more.

ChatGPT also seems to have a liberal interpretation of what a haiku is, because that ain’t 5/7/5!

One more time, a haiku about getting fat:

Getting Fat: A haiku by ChatGPT

Layers of fat grow,
Once sleek form now soft and slow.
Winter indulgence.

That’s more like it! It’s also an actual haiku.

Now I’m off to eat nothing. NOTHING. Well, maybe breakfast. But then NOTHING.

AI likes cats

I asked the AI chat tool ChatGPT to write a blog post about cats. This is what it came up with. It seems very pro-cat.

A Blog Post About Cats

Cats are fascinating creatures that have been beloved by humans for thousands of years. From their playful personalities to their graceful movements, there is something captivating about these mysterious animals.

One of the most interesting things about cats is their unique ability to make themselves at home in any environment. Whether they are living in a cozy house with their human family or roaming the streets as a feral feline, cats are experts at adapting to their surroundings.

Another thing that makes cats special is their independent nature. Unlike dogs, which are known for their loyalty and eagerness to please their human companions, cats tend to be more self-sufficient and aloof. This can make them somewhat challenging to understand, but it also adds to their charm and allure.

Despite their independent nature, cats are also highly social animals. They are known for their strong bonds with other cats, and they can form close relationships with their human companions as well. Many cat owners describe their feline friends as being like family members, and there is something deeply satisfying about the special bond that can develop between a human and a cat.

In conclusion, cats are fascinating creatures that are full of surprises. From their adaptability to their independent nature, there is always something new and interesting to discover about these captivating animals. Whether you are a lifelong cat lover or just getting to know these mysterious creatures, there is no doubt that cats are truly one of a kind.


And here’s a picture of cat from DALL-E (prompt: house cat sunning itself indoors) to round off this AI edition of cats cats cats:

And a somewhat less successful (that “face”) “digital art” version: