Leaving Fatville (don’t eat the wagon wheels)

In the last few months of 2013 two things happened:

  1. I stopped running.
  2. I started eating a lot of shortbread. Delicious, yummy shortbread.

In October at my annual physical I weighed in at 160 pounds. This was eight pounds more than the previous year. It was also ten pounds above my usual target of 150 pounds. This was bad.

On January 1st I stepped on the scale (it cried out) and saw these numbers: 174.6.

Yes, I was nearly 25 pounds over my target weight and more than 30 pounds over my low of 2012 when I tipped the scale at a mere 143 pounds during the height of my summer runs.

My size 30 jeans were no longer feeling comfy. I had to stand really straight to get a sort-of flat tummy in profile. I felt blah and listless. I kept stuffing shortbread into my face.

With the new year conveniently at hand I put myself back onto a weight loss regimen. As of this morning that horrific 174.6 number has changed to the slight-less horrific number of 172.2. It could be water, it could be a rounding error, the important thing is it’s going in the right direction and even though there is shortbread here right now, mere feet away from me in the kitchen, I AM NOT EATING IT.

I have been mostly snack-free these four days and the snacks I’ve allowed myself–a cube or two of Havarti cheese, some popcorn, a few carrot sticks–have kept me well under my daily calorie total. This is the hard part, the first week where my fat stomach says “I’m hungry, please continue to shove food into the mouth, okay?” and I must tell my stomach “No, you big stupid fat thing. You’ll have your two carrot sticks and you’ll like it!”

I’ll check in once a week or so to report whether my brain or stomach is triumphing.

Naughty would-be admins (all 125 of them)

One of the plugins I use on this blog is Better WP Security. Among its features it records any bad login entries. These are people and/or bots trying to enter the admin area of the blog by trying out various username/password combos, hoping to get lucky so they can do all manner of nefarious deeds once allowed in.

As you might guess, the most common username used in these attempts is “admin” and it’s why basic security has you change it from “admin” to anything else (I’ve done this, in case any bots are reading).

Sometimes the username entered is more curious than “admin”. For example:

Bernardo1133

Did Bernardo get misdirected or confused? Did he think he was signing into his own blog? What are the other 1132 Bernardos up to, anyway?

BroderickCrook

Oh, I just bet you are a crook, Broderick! Nice try, buddy.

creolened

Clever bot. But not clever enough.

DebWordenrfai

This one may have been trying to login to World of Warcraft.

What’s sad is the number of legitimate visits to the site is usually in the range of less than 10 per day, meaning the blog on average is more than ten times as popular as a potential hacking target than as something to read. On the plus side that less-than-ten number is still more people than ever read my paper journal.

Book review: The Kraken Wakes

John Wyndham’s 1953 novel The Kraken Wakes is at times quaintly British and outdated but still an intriguing portrayal of a truly alien attack on Earth.

Telling the story from the first person perspective of Mike Watson, a reporter with EBC, a fictional competitor to the BBC, the novel chronicles three phases of an alien invasion that starts with red meteors plunging into the deepest parts of the world’s oceans–a frontier that no human had visited back then (and few have visited since). For a time there is no immediate connection between the meteors and any kind of alien incursion. This changes when great quantities of sludge churn up from the deeps, suggesting an intelligence at work.

Investigation leads to unseen retaliation, as a bathysphere sent down to investigate is compromised and its crew of two killed. Britain responds by dropping a nuke into the deep but they have no way of knowing what happens. The aliens then disrupt shipping with unknown weapons that shatter ships apart in moments and follow by sending remote-controlled and/or organic “sea tanks” to attack coastal populations, snaring people and dragging them back to the ocean depths for unknown purposes (food? entertainment? both?) The tanks are discovered to be very vulnerable to explosives and are for the most part repelled.

This leads to the third and final phase, with the aliens warming the ocean’s waters, causing a precipitous rise in sea levels across the globe. The aliens clearly don’t want to share their new home with landlubbers.

The main characters of Mike and his co-worker and wife Phyllis, are witness to several events directly and their employer the EBC uses them to present stories covering the drawn-out invasion. The meat of the story takes the form of long monologues by characters recounting incidents or expounding on what can or must be done. This creates a bit of a distancing effect, in spite of the husband and wife team being intimately involved or witness to much of the action. It does allow Wyndham to recount various opinion pieces and the prevailing mood of the public and government, which lends a journalistic “witness to history” feel that somewhat compensates for the distancing effect of the monologues. A large part of the novel details the reaction of the world to the years-long invasion events, with public interest waxing and waning with activity and governments generally disinclined to take more decisive action. It’s somewhat depressing in how authentic the reactions and actions feel. Basically humanity waits until it’s too late.

The science is kept fairly low key and holds up credibly due to the vagueness–and the fact that nukes are the answer used most often. The most outdated part of the novel is the still-entertaining back and forth between the West and the Soviets, with the Soviets playing up the rhetoric against the fascist, capitalist West (and trying to blame every alien attack on them, while they only wish to preserve Peace with a capital “p”).

Perhaps my least favorite part of the novel comes right at the end. Wyndham paints an increasingly bleak picture of a world greatly depopulated and only just hanging on above the rising water and appears about to end the story on this depressing and uncertain note. Instead, a person delivers a message to Mike and Phyllis on their newly-made island refuge that the Japanese have created a sound-based weapon that kills the aliens dead and everything will be peachy after all (apart from the depopulation and newly terrible climate, that is). The revelation comes so late in the story that it feels like a deus ex machina, a happy face sticker to make the reader feel better about things.

Still, it’s not enough to detract from the overall story and it is clear the surviving people still have a long struggle ahead of them to restore society to something that doesn’t get regularly eaten by possibbly jelly-like beings living five miles below the ocean surface.

Also I don’t think I’ve read a novel where two characters refer to each other as “darling” more than this one. Maybe it was the style (of writing) at the time.

Predictions for 2014 (from 1964)

I came across another article about predicting the future purely by coincidence today. Or was it? (Yes, it was.) In this case it’s Isaac Asimov predicting the world 50 years hence during the World’s Fair of 1964. Asimov was a pretty smart guy so let’s see how he did on a few select predictions.

Full article on openculture.com

“[T]he world population will be 6,500,000,000 and the population of the United States will be 350,000,000.” And later he warns that if the population growth continues unchecked, “All earth will be a single choked Manhattan by A.D. 2450 and society will collapse long before that!” As a result, “There will, therefore, be a worldwide propaganda drive in favor of birth control by rational and humane methods and, by 2014, it will undoubtedly have taken serious effect.”

This is fairly accurate in terms of the numbers, though only China had the drive for birth control with its one child per family program. And while the population of the world is bulging, it’s currently 7.2 billion, which the world is sort-of managing (so far).

“Communications will become sight-sound and you will see as well as hear the person you telephone. The screen can be used not only to see the people you call but also for studying documents and photographs and reading passages from books. Synchronous satellites, hovering in space will make it possible for you to direct-dial any spot on earth, including the weather stations in Antarctica.”

“Direct dial”, heh heh heh. Otherwise this is a pretty good description of VOIP, ereader/tablet/Internet technology. This one is a bit of a gimme, though, sort of like predicting color photographs in 1910.

“[M]ankind will suffer badly from the disease of boredom, a disease spreading more widely each year and growing in intensity. This will have serious mental, emotional and sociological consequences, and I dare say that psychiatry will be far and away the most important medical specialty in 2014.”

This is half-accurate and half-old man yelling at kids to get off his lawn (which is to say, an exaggeration). Ennui and shallow over-stimulation are contributing to messed up people, young and old(er) alike, no doubt. In another prediction Asimov foresees automation and machinery leading to an excess of leisure time, suggesting these may be contributing factors to the above. Lingering high unemployment and the growing gulf between the wealthy and everyone else are just as relevant, probably. I wonder, too, what the psychological effects of living in megacities are over the long term.

“Robots will neither be common nor very good in 2014, but they will be in existence.”

Yes, Asimov disses robots. This prediction is not really accurate in 2014. Robots are common (in factories and on assembly lines) and are very good at the limited tasks given them. The SkyNET/take-over-the-world robots still have a ways to go. This means we still have time to prepare so I count it as a good thing.

I will conclude with a prediction for 2064:

Flying cars.

No, just kidding. Here’s a real one:

The world will not be using fossil fuels in 2064.

Now I just need to live to be 100 years old to see if it comes true. I’m feeling spry halfway there. I think I can do it!

It’s now 2014

Flying car joke goes here.

Meanwhile, gizmodo has an article from the January 6, 1910 edition of the Cedar Rapids Evening Gazette featuring 41 predictions on what the world would be like in the 21st century. These were predictions made in good faith (presumably). The full list is at the link but here’s a few I liked:

  • Cure for cancer. [Sadly this remains elusive]
  • Discovery south pole. [This happened the following year,  in 1911]
  • Create living organisms by artificial means. [Artificial insemination!]
  • Phonograph records substitute for letter. [This never happened but we now have the even less bulky email instead]
  • Settle question of communication with Mars. Wonderful astronomical discoveries. [We called, no one was home]
  • Power of mind over matter a practical science devoid of superstitious elements. [Telekinesis would mean never having to look for the TV remote again but this remains the realm of fiction or all my telekinetic friends are holding out on me]
  • United States constitution rewritten, providing improved means for conservation of original democratic principles. [LOL?]
  • Produce rainfall at will. [Seeding clouds makes this sort-of true]
  • Roads of nation paved. [Dream big, 1910! The prediction today would be: Roads of nation re-paved.]
  • Cure for and elimination of tuberculosis. [Nope]
  • Movements for universal language, universal religion, universal money. [Esperanto, (none), Bitcoins. That’s 0 for 3.]
  • Construction largely of concrete and metal or newly discovered materials. [Yep, especially for large buildings]
  • Electricity will move world’s wheels. Later radio-activity may substitute. [I don’t think radioactivity means what they thought it means]
  • Terrors of war so multiplied by death dealing inventions, chances of war minimized. [LOL?]
  • Population of United States based on present ratio of increased, 1,317,547,000 at opening of twenty-first century. [Off by about a billion. Maybe if they had developed baby machines.]
  • Machinery largely substituting manual energy, will promote pursuit of finer arts and sciences; give ample opportunity for relaxation and amusement; emancipate wage slaves. Three-hour work day predicted. [This is charmingly optimistic. And horribly wrong.]
  • Photographs in natural colors. [Yes!]
  • Women’s political equality. [In the U.S. women got the vote in 1920]
  • Government control of corporations. [Got this one backwards]
  • Animated pictures in natural colors, transmitted by wireless. [TV and/or Internet]
  • Natural colors reproduced in newspaper pictures. [Yes, although newspapers themselves are kind of going extinct]
  • Reduction of elimination all forms of gambling, including stocks. [LOL?]
  • Moral, intellectual and economical awakening in dark sections of Africa, China a world power. [“Dark” sections of Africa? Racist! Good call on China, though.]
  • Due to universal education, with special reference to hygiene, doctors and drugs be largely eliminated; average age to be near 60 years; men taller, stronger, higher intelligence and morals. [This one is funny because after all the lofty changes they still only expect people to live to 60.]

The slow as molasses last run of 2013

Average pace: 5:35/km
Location: Brunette River trail
Distance: 5.03 km
Weather: Cloudy
Temp: 8ºC
Wind: light to nil
Calories burned: 363
Total distance to date: 2489 km

I resolved to get in one last run before the end of the year. Knowing it had been over seven weeks since my last run (and that one being my first on a treadmill), I expected to be slow. Coupled with being out of shape was my new rounder shape–I’ve picked up about 12 (!) pounds since the last run. Egad.

I ran the Brunette River trail and had discovered on a walk a few days earlier that the entire roadway/trail had been resurfaced with fine gravel that was nicely compacted. This turned the trail from an obstacle course of potholes (some of near-epic size) that required constant zig-zagging to one you could run in an actual straight line. It’s nice!

It was around 8ºC and overcast, threatening showers but dry. There was no wind. I wore a jacket that I ended up not needing. I was never cold, thanks to the mild conditions and the extra layer of fat I’d developed over the last few months.

For the first 500 m it was like I hadn’t missed a day of running. My pace was around 4:31/km. After 500 m it felt like a thousand agonies. This continued until the last 500 m where in a nice bit of symmetry I was able to actually pick up the pace, though not quite to the level of 4:31/km.

My average pace was 5:35/km. To put this in perspective, my last regular run on October 25 had a pace of 5:06/km. However, if we go back four years to 2009 the pace of my run on December 29 (my first 10K, as it turns out, though my 24th run of the year) was 5:50/km so even when fat and way off peak condition I take solace that I’m still better than I was when I was only a few months into running.

Here’s hoping the next run will be a tiny bit easier.

The pre-announcement: 10 Pairs of Shorts

In 2014 (one day from now, though this is not something that will actually be happening tomorrow, barring some kind of time travel trickery) I will be self-publishing my first short story collection. After looking over the collected stories I have written and weeding out those either not ready or not up to par I have settled on twenty for a collection that will be titled 10 Pairs of Shorts. Clever, eh? Here are the stories:

  • At the Door
  • Cervidae
  • Hello?
  • Learning to Die
  • Lily Tries to Go Shopping
  • Rainy Day
  • Slice of Life
  • Stop That Cow!
  • The Broken Bridge
  • The Cobalt Sensation
  • The Chicago 8 vs. Armageddon
  • The Chicago 8 vs. Time
  • The Dream of the Buckford County Church
  • The Lunch Gnome
  • The Sometimes Island
  • Dented World
  • Regina and the Shortcut with Teeth
  • The Box on the Bench
  • The Bear (working title)
  • Swimmers and Fog (working title)

This list is subject to change on my whim but I am fairly certain I will stick with this selection.

Here are some broad classifications:

  • Drama (nothing spooky/supernatural): 2
  • Superhero: 3
  • Science fiction: 3
  • Horror/weird: 12

You can see where my wheelhouse is. I love me some weird stories.

The twenty titles are in various states of completion, ranging from ready to go to “this is a neat idea”. The breakdown:

  • Ready to go: 6
  • Need revision: 9
  • Unfinished: 3
  • Unwritten: 2

It’s possible I may drop the two unwritten stories in exchange for others already completed, other entirely new stories or for nothing at all, with the collection re-titled 9 Pairs of Shorts as a result.

I don’t have a firm date for publication beyond 2014 but will post updates occasionally on my progress in getting there, with a big glitzy announcement when the happy day arrives and I start demanding all of my friends prove their friendship through purchasing as many copies of the collection as they can comfortably afford.

Adios to 2013

The best thing about 2013 is its mere existence guaranteed an entire branch of doomsday beliefs was neatly cut off as the whole “end of the Mayan calendar on December 21 2012 which must obviously mean THE END OF THE WORLD” has come and gone. So thanks for that, 2013!

Here’s my short take on the year:

Politics

The U.S. spies on everyone and everything. The most alarming aspect is the generally muted response from the U.S. public. Outrage is hard to sustain, all to the benefit of the NSA. The scariest tentacle monster is not to be found in manga.

In Canada the lingering Senate scandal and its handling finally took the shine off the Conservative government and has started the in-fighting. The Opposition, both official (NDP) and unofficial (Liberal) stand to benefit. Justin Trudeau has so far not screwed up as Liberal leader and has plenty of time to fit into his role. Will Mulcair trim his beard to look sexier? Stay tuned!

Entertainment

I am incredibly out of touch with pop culture vs. 20 or 30 years ago when I actually knew most of the current actors, musicians and “artists”. Even with my scant knowledge I can say I’ve had my fill of Miley Cyrus, the latest and perhaps most lamentable example of reworking an image. It is perhaps appropriate that her big hit through this is called “Wrecking Ball” (a song that Wikipedia says took five people to write). For popularizing the term “twerking” alone I’d be happy to never hear about Cyrus again.

On the plus side I discovered through a random comment on Broken Forum the band The Magnetic Fields, one of those great indie bands that never gets the attention it deserves. I have so far picked up their magnum opus, a three disc (remember those?) set called 69 Love Songs which is exactly what it sounds like, a collection of 69 songs about love. The songs are by turns warm and cynical, catchy and irreverent, switching styles as easily as one might switch channels on a TV in the vain hope to find something decent to watch.

And now a little on me:

Running

This was a mediocre year for running, with a combination of cranky feet and work conspiring to restrict my output severely over my banner year of 2012. By the end of the year I just kind of gave up, not even going out on weekends when I had available light (curse the early nights of winter, I sez). One of my resolutions is to get back to running regularly.

Reading

A regular commute that takes a little over an hour meant I had plenty of time to read this year and once I started my commute-based reading the number of books I went through shot up, ending with 24 books read (technically #24 is still being read but I could conceivably finish it today). A lot of this has been catching up on Stephen King novels I’d skipped over and I finally tackled The Dark Tower series more than twenty years after picking up The Gunslinger in paperback. I didn’t read anything I regretted reading, either, always a nice bonus.

Writing

Writing sputtered along. I flamed out halfway through National Novel Writing Month in November thanks to poor planning but may have enough of a novel there to salvage later.

The year was defined not so much by new output but rather old. Specifically I focused on polishing up a bunch of short stories with the intention to self-publish them as a collection. I’ll write more on this in another post but for now will say that the process of examining, editing and rewriting my stories has been a worthy one.

I did not put any notable effort into my 2009 NaNoWriMo novel The Ferry, which I intend to address next year.

Errata

2013 was at times a stressful year and I have ended up with goals partly based on some bad habits I let slip back in. But I got to do things I’ve never done before (fly!), read oodles of books and learned some important things about my writing that I will apply in 2014 and beyond.

You can’t have NaNoWriMo without No

I am now 2 for 5 in my efforts to win National Novel Writing Month:

NaNoWriMo 2009 WIN
NaNoWriMo 2010 LOSE
NaNoWriMo 2011 LOSE
NaNoWriMo 2012 WIN
NaNoWriMo 2013 LOSE

Sad trombone sound here.

The official stats:

  • 23,657 words
  • 47% complete
  • Number of days spent writing: 8
  • 2,957 words per day average (NaNoWriMo average needed is 1,667)
  • Longest period of non-writing while still participating: 5

I am one of those writers who eschews outlines, preferring to let the story organically grow as I write it. The biggest plus of this method is that it keeps me engaged because, much like a reader, I want to keep going to find out what happens next. The big negative comes if the story is not much more than a loose idea or concept. If I don’t have some kind of guidance the story can go down rambling dead ends and it can be difficult or impossible to find my way back to a semblance of plot structure.

This is what happened this year. I saw a general big picture, I had three characters,  each with a clear identity, personality and purpose. But after a few scenes I found myself unable to hammer out specifics to keep the story moving. The writing ground to a halt a few days in then picked up and sputtered along about a week later before finally stopping slightly over halfway through the month.

I don’t think I needed a formal outline for the story to have succeeded but I did need more than just a neat idea with few details to back it up. The good news is I can still make this story work, especially now that I am free of the constraints of the contest.

I am not sure if I will continue to participate in future National Novel Writing Months. Reflecting back on my five tries the best thing has probably been the sense of community while taking part, first on the Quarter to Three forums and for the past two years on Broken Forum. It’s enjoyable to see everyone discuss their writing travails and triumphs, give and respond to feedback, and to silently mock those whose lofty goals always fall short on the weakest of excuses (the writer equivalent of “the dog ate my homework”).

The other aspect that has been useful is the whole writing kick-in-the-pants the structure of the contest gives you. If you find yourself lacking motivation there are worse things you can do that join in a global effort to crank out a novel in 30 days, something (as mentioned above) that requires a commitment of about 1,667 words per day. The thing here is that if I am maintaining discipline I should never need to take part in NaNoWriMo for that kick in the pants.

My feeling at this time is I probably won’t take part in National Novel Writing Month 2014. I have more than enough on my writing plate as it is to keep me busy all of next year, some of the work being the two successful NaNoWriMo projects from 2009 and 2012.

In the end and as always, I regret nothing*.

 

* a lie. I regret many things but shrug and move on

NaNoWriMo update: Behind the proverbial eightball with 10 days to go

This will be a short update for reasons that will be clear as you read on.

Namely, I am behind. As of today, November 20th, I should have a word count of at least 33,340 to be on track. Instead I am officially at 22,340 or exactly 11,000 words (6.5 days) behind. I’m actually not quite that far behind because I’ve written more scenes in a Word document that hasn’t been added yet to the main Scrivener file but I am behind.

But that’s okay because I’m confident I’ll finish the story, whether it’s on November 30th or sometime after. I think it’ll be a good ride.

I’m not sure if I’ll NaNoWriMo again next year, though. I think my time may be better spent working on less “gimmicky” writing. We shall see.

The first official treadmill run

(NOTE: This post was actually published in December because I was too caught up in shenanigans in November to pay attention to my blog, but I’ve posted it on the actual day of the run to keep it accurate that way.)

With daylight after work growing short enough now to make post-work runs no longer feasible–the two places I normally run both lack any kind of lighting and would be Very Dark and possibly Very Hazardous to run–I finally did something I’d always wanted to: run on a treadmill.

I picked out a suitable machine at the Canada Games Pool, overlooking all the people happily splashing about in the pools below, no doubt happy because they were not using treadmills.

The machine was very big and sturdy. It had a lot of controls and settings but I figured things out enough to get started with a minimum of fuss. The most important controls were arrows that controlled the speed of the treadmill. I also noted the location of two bicycle-like handlebars to grip. I would come to know these intimately very quickly.

Getting started was the most difficult task and underlines how unnatural a treadmill is. On a trail run I control every aspect of my movement. I can slow and speed up on a whim, I got dodge and leap and generally do what is needed on a moment’s notice, something that is eminently practical on a trail that varies constantly in terms of condition.

The treadmill, on the other hand, controls you. Once the surface starts sliding back, you have two choices: start walking or slide off. As the speed of the treadmill increases, your choices become: start jogging or slide off at a high rate of speed as one might see in a bloopers video.

I had to use the handlebars.

I never did figure out the right tension/speed to match my usual running pace, I just kept cranking the speed until I felt I was running at what felt like something resembling a typical pace. I ended up with a time of 5:11/km which felt slower than it should have been but because I’d never used the iPod on a treadmill before I was merely content that it was in the right ballpark, to mix my athletic metaphors.

The motion of the running is odd. It feels unnatural and bouncy. The constant motion is strange. You can’t moderate your pace because that means sliding off, you just relentlessly continue. I suppose that makes it good for pushing yourself to beat PRs or something. There is always the option to ramp the speed down but that means leaning forward slightly to hit the big down arrow. It sounds simple but running in place is amazingly good at making simple things more difficult than you’d imagine.

The most unexpected part, however, was the dehydration. I’ve used the ellipticals at the pool before and after 39 minutes of use I’d be a bit parched but nothing more. The building interior is a somewhat humid environment with all the water and warm temperatures. This made no difference on the treadmill. Either that or they had magically removed all traces of humidity from the building while it was closed for renovations, replacing it with a dry, desert-like air.

After an official time of 17:18 I slapped the Stop button. Fortunately this causes the treadmill to slowly wind down so I didn’t go flying off into the pool. The reason I ended my run with only 3.3 km covered is my mouth had become so dry it was difficult to swallow and it became so uncomfortable I literally could not stand it. Never on the hottest summer day with the sun blazing down on me have I felt my throat and mouth so cotton ball-dry.

I am reluctant to try the treadmill again though I suppose it deserves at least one more go before I decide to shun it unto forever. I will have a honking big bottle of water with me if I do.

National Novel Writing month 2013 is underway ~or~ How to go loco on 1667 words a day

Today marks the official start of National Novel Writing Month 2013 and I managed to come up with a vague yet somewhat attractive idea two whole days ago, so I’m running with it.

The first day was a success! I didn’t really start writing until 9:30 p.m. but ended up coming it at 2049 words, a generous bit above the daily 1667 word minimum.

The tentative title of my novel is The Start of the World, though that will change. I just can’t think of a better title right now.

Stats from Day 1:

Words: 2049
Music: Dire Straits, Brothers in Arms; The Moody Blues, Long Distance Voyager