The Jerk: SkyTrain edition

This guy is a jerk. Why is he a jerk? I will tell you.

transit jerk

This picture was taken during my commute home, on the Canada Line, around 4:40 p.m.

Transit Jerk Explained

  1. He’s sitting on the outside seat, making it more difficult for other people to get by to the empty window seat next to him
  2. He has his legs crossed, which makes it even more difficult and sends the implicit message, “Go away, don’t even try.”
  3. He is doing this during rush hour when the train is inevitably going to be crowded.
  4. He has his bag in the “Keep Area Clear” space at the front of the car. Stuff left here can go flying if the train makes an emergency stop.
  5. His water bottle is on the verge of popping out of his bag and rolling onto the floor.
  6. Bonus: He’s wearing a vest.

Today on the commute home four of the seats up front were occupied by people’s baggage (said people obviously riding in from the airport). Question: What is more deserving of a seat: your baggage or another human being? Answer: You know the answer, jerk. Move your damn luggage.

This concludes my yearly transit rant. Since switching almost exclusively to riding the SkyTrain rather than the bus, I find most of my complaints are of a mechanical nature–that is, taking issue with problems besetting the system such as stuck cars, failed switches, etc. In the olden days of bus riding my complaints were almost exclusively about the people on the bus rather than the bus itself. So in that sense, my complaints now are a lot milder.

But still, the jerks are still out there, with their fancy bags and crossed legs and, “Oh, you want to sit here? I had no idea other people rode the train!”

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Book review: Fifteen Dogs

Fifteen DogsFifteen Dogs by André Alexis
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

This is a fine story and an interesting idea–what would a group of dogs do if suddenly given human intelligence? The problem comes not in the quality of the novel but in terms of my expectations of it.

(Minor spoilers follow but they reveal nothing the reader won’t encounter in the first few pages.)

The framing device of the story is that the gods Hermes and Apollo place a bet on whether a group of dogs, given human intelligence, would be happy at the time of their deaths. Occasionally Hermes, Apollo, Zeus and other gods step in to interfere or complicate matters further for the dogs.

I found this a little too twee and it also saps much of the emotional depth of the novel, since the author has a literal set of gods that can and do change things on a whim. Just as the reader becomes immersed in the struggles of the dogs to balance their canine and human selves (one dog creates poetry, even as he still craves to eat poop) another scene comes along that reads like a smirking college paper interpretation of the Greek pantheon, employing a droll sort of wit that wears thin quickly.

My other problem with the story is the strong tone of the author’s voice. With (god-like?) omniscience, the author often explains precisely what every character is thinking, whether they are right or wrong, what consequences are to come and so on. At times it feels more like reading a detailed summary of events rather than vicariously experiencing them.

Still, these are deliberate style choices and while they didn’t work well for me, it is very much a matter of personal taste. The meat of the story still holds up so anyone who appreciates the framing will simply appreciate the novel all the more.

Given the unique subject matter and the way the author Alexis commits to the dogs’ perspective, I would still recommend Fifteen Dogs, just be aware of what you’re getting before jumping in.

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Writing group week 7: Productivity gains and yet more snow

Where the snow previously saw a huge boost in attendance, today’s writing group saw attendance drop to a mere four amid what Dave described as “ornamental snow” (that same snow eased up for most of the day, only to begin again with renewed fury tonight. Spring officially starts in 15 days).

I was the first one there and early. The group that has the room before us had vacated early so I took advantage and moved in and began writing before 11 o’ clock. By the end of the three hours I’d written just under 4,000 words, all of it on the new Chapter 2b, which is still not complete.

I don’t really have anything to add. I’m pleased with the output and am staying nearly completely away from editing mode. I look forward to hacking the writing to bits later.

Oh, and the snow can bugger right off. After six (or is it seven? Or eight?) major snowfalls I’ve had enough, thanks. I want flowers and t-shirt weather now, not sub-seasonal temperatures and weather you have to be under 10 years old to enjoy.

Book review: The Sentinel

The SentinelThe Sentinel by Arthur C. Clarke
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

As always when reading older science fiction–this collection of stories dates from the early 1950s–it’s important to remember what we take for granted today, what actually transpired over the last 60+ years, and how attitudes have changed regarding the sexes.

Regarding the latter, one of the longer stories, “Holiday on the Moon”, is a sweet tale that ends with a girl who becomes so entranced by what she sees while visiting the moon with her family that she (secretly) decides to pursue a career in “the quest for the secret of the stars.”

Clarke usually couches his technology in sufficiently magic-like explanations but there are still amusing bits, like when a futuristic submarine relays important information to its pilot by way of a ticker-tape machine.

This particular collection–the middle of a trilogy–focuses most of its stories on space travel and the moon. The opening story “The Sentinel”, which ultimately led to 2001: A Space Odyssey is about the discovery of an obviously alien machine on the moon (not the famous monolith). My favorite part is how attempts to analyze the machine result in its destruction.

A number of stories highlight the dangers in creating and then trying to control new technology, ranging from machines that can record and playback thoughts, to others that can allow one to control another mind–provided the batteries hold out. Clarke offers a wry, not quite cynical take on the inventors and scientists in these stories, highlighting both the dangers of technology and the fallibility of humans.

The strong voice of the author–almost a narrator in some of the stories–may feel anachronistic today but it also gives the stories the feel of someone sharing a good yarn. You know, sitting by a cozy fire in a pub and hearing about that time two guys talked about parallel dimensions and then got devoured by a monstrous alien beast of some sort when they merely thought that in some dimension they’d be attacked by a tiger.

In the end, I enjoyed this collection for both the strength and imagination of Clarke’s writing and as a kind of time capsule that captures the prevailing moods of the early 1950s, when the threat of the atom bomb loomed over everything and the promise of space travel and all the possibilities it could open, was tantalizingly close.

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Robot with spoon eating a fork

By request, I did a drawing of a robot eating a fork with a spoon. I call it Robot Eating Fork With Spoon. This is my virgin effort using Sketchable on my Surface Pro 3. It’s kind of slapped together.

I draw forks the same way Rob Liefeld draws feet.

I can see how someone with actual talent could make something nice in Sketchable, though. It’s a pretty nice program.

The Dream Donut Device

A few nights ago I had a dream in which I was at a meeting at work and a group of us were gathered around a large conference table. Standing at one end was a former Academic Dean and she had donuts. But how do you distribute the donuts to people sitting around such a large conference table? In Dreamville you just use a device specifically made for just such a dilemma.

It consisted of three parts:

  • a long piece of narrow, rounded wood
  • a tube similar to a Pringles potato chip can, but about twice as big around
  • a fishing rod-style reel to act as a winch
  • and donuts

The donuts were loaded onto the piece of rounded wood. Sadly this meant no Boston Creams or other yummy filled donuts. The loaded donut “stick” would then be inserted into the long tube and at one end of the tube, the donut deliverer would use the reel/winch-like device to slowly push the donut stick out of the tube across the length of the table, allowing people to grab donuts as they slowly went by.

In the dream it was brilliant and everyone found it quite clever. In reality, it would work best if the laws of physics could be suspended, people didn’t care what type of donut they got and everyone was too lazy to just get up to grab a donut from the box (which would at least burn 5 of the 250 calories the donut would ding you).

This is apparently what happens when I go over a month without a donut.

Things I like about March: a list

  • warmer than February
  • chance of snow is less likely
  • statutory holiday thanks to Easter scratch that, Easter is on April 16 this year
  • one month closer to summer
  • still too early for stores to start Christmas promotions
  • rhymes with smarch

February 2017 weight loss report: Up 2.2 pounds

How goes my goal of getting to 145 pounds at two months into the year? Let’s have a look at the past month:

February 1: 163.6 pounds
February 28: 165.8 pounds

Weight loss gain: +2.2 pounds

Whoops.

I was 165.9 pounds on January 1, so my total weight loss for the year-to-date is:

0.1 pounds

It’s impressive in a way.

On the plus side (that’s a weight loss joke), my body fat percentage has changed in a more positive way:

January 1: 19.1%
February 28: 18.3%

Body fat percentage change: 0.8%

Also on a positive note, I met one-half of my January goals by going donut-free for the entire month, no minor feat given that donuts were present throughout the month in plentiful quantities.

My goal for March is to have actual weight loss with less body fat, too. I get three extra days to accomplish this vs. February, so there’s that, too.

Random thoughts for February 27, 2017

  • it snowed today. Boo. But by afternoon it was sunny and the snow was gone. Yay.
  • I had a terrible headache last night in bed (no, a real headache). Boo. I took Advil and it actually worked. Yay.
  • I continue to acquire more old music than new, though I’m at least grabbing albums I didn’t own back in the 80s and 90s. Recent purchases range from au fromage to well-regarded classics:
    • Billy Joel, The Bridge – the beginning of the slide down for Joel creatively, though not his nadir
    • Frankie Goes to Hollywood, Welcome to the Pleasuredome – cheesy, with weird wide-ranging covers but there’s no denying the irresistible pulse of “Relax” and Holly Johnson lifts every song with his enthusiastic vocals
    • Crowded House (debut) – pretty pop with just enough smarts to make it more than just pretty pop
    • Neil Young, Harvest Moon – a gentle, sweet album
  • I tried and failed to think of any frog-related puns today (there was a reason for this–the puns, not the failure, which was simply lack of imagination on my part)
  • The Tim Hortons “Roll up to win” contest is on and I’ve won four times. I gave away my two donut wins but kept the coffees (which I will use for tea)
  • less than two weeks until Daylight Saving Time returns. Yay.
  • my weight loss for the month will probably be minimal at best and negative at worst. Whoops. But my body fat percentage is down. Yay.
  • I’m still a bit sore from my outdoor run two days ago. This is mildly embarrassing.

Writing group week 6: Now with actual writing

I was remiss in reporting the events of my fifth The Other 11 Months Write-In last Sunday but for a brief time, it almost looked like there would be nothing to report. I arrived a few minutes early and no one else was there, which was a first. The people who had the room booked till 11 seemed contact to stay until they were kicked out, but if no one else was showing I didn’t want to be that person.

A few minutes after 11 we got another arrival and she did not hesitate to ask the others to get going. We moved in and two more joined in for a very intimate group. There was some discussion to start and it went on longer than usual, then we got to work and I continued to read and mull on Road Closed.

In the intervening week I came up with some ideas and when I got to Waves I read a few chapters then went over my notes and added Chapter 2b. I haven’t found a nice way to renumber chapters in Ulysses yet. This chapter expands on Christian’s early days at the college and serves as the catalyst for the spooky shenanigans that follow when he has a near-miss driving home drunk from a house party.

I didn’t finish the new chapter but I wrote over 2,700 words, my best production in months. More importantly, I feel I’ve gotten past a hurdle and both my writing in general and Road Closed specifically are on track, if only for the moment–but hopefully for longer.

Oh, and attendance was up to six, which to be frank is ideal as it gives everyone space at the table without it getting crowded and cramped.

Overall, my most productive outing by far and one that gives me strong encouragement to continue. Eight thumbs up.