Web-based doppelgängers

UPDATE, June 6, 2025: Yes, nearly 15 years later, I decided to check again after reading this post and discovered that stanjames.ca was available, and now it is mine. I may do nothing with it, but it's mine all the same.

As you may have cleverly guessed, my real name is not Creole Ned, though I have been known to answer to Ned in person. I like having this one layer of separation online, where my real identity is not exactly hidden (it’s listed in the About section here) but not front and centre, either. This is not to say that I write through a persona — Creole Ned is simply the online ID I use.

From time to time I have thought about going with a domain that uses my real name but it turns out they’re all taken. My last name is very common — James — and the first name (Stan) is not uncommon enough to not be hooked up with James online. I took a little stroll on the web and discovered that stanjames.com is, of all things, a gambling site. That’s kind of depressing (and it’s the reason I’m not providing a direct link to it). I don’t think I’ve ever gambled, apart from an occasional lottery ticket, which I view as more of a charitable donation than anything (I am always reminded of the old Lotto 6/49 slogan from back in the 90s. It was “Hey, you never know!” The long-defunct Doppler Superstore had a sign out front and after they became an authorized lotto dealer, they had the slogan up for awhile, except they got it slightly wrong. It read, “Hey, you’ll never know!” It’s probably the best case of accidental truth in advertising I’ve seen). stanjames.net, stanjames.org and stanjames.info all redirect to stanjames.com. Man, that guy was thorough. stanjames.ca is also taken but in this case it’s “under construction”. I can only dream in anticipation over what wonders will be revealed there.

It turns out that most variations on stanleyjames are still available but I never use my full name, though if I did it might cut down on the whole “Stan the Man” thing or the “No, my name is not Dan” thing (I once had a roommate named Dan and occasionally carried on longish phone calls with people who actually wanted to talk to him and not me). I could also try a variation like stanwjames which is available (trivia: all three of my names can be re-arranged and still work; the middle name is William) but again, I just don’t have a compelling need to switch over.

So creolened.com it shall be for now and the undermined future. Go me!

UPDATE: It turns out this “Stan James” fellow is simply a composite name for a well-known UK bookmaker (Wikipedia link) and when I did a Google search of my name, the bookmaker monopolizes nearly all the first 20 pages of results. I show up once on page 14 due to my Facebook account. I guess this is good if someone decides to “google” me before hiring me for some sort of job. Unless they think I’m a UK bookmaker and have a thing against them, of course.

Poetic license revoked

The last time I wrote poetry was when I was made to as part of a creative writing course I took in college back in 1989. This is a good thing because I’ve never been very good at writing poetry. I think this is for a couple of reasons. First, I see myself as a more meat and potatoes kind of writer and such a style does not lend itself to the carefully chosen wordplay of poems. Second, I’m too impatient to go through the process of carefully choosing individual words and weighing them in the context of a poem, which may also explain why I’m a meat and potatoes kind of writer to begin with.

I have looked over a few poems that I wrote back then and am putting them up here for public appraisal/mockery. I may rewrite them to show what I’d change if I was still writing poetry today.

Snake in the pond

Gently, go then
and swim in the
pond
Do not float or not move
There be snakes
in the pond
They are green
and yellow and black
and very pretty
You remember laughter
and scream
It’s in your trunks now
Gales of laughter
Swim with the colors
Slither and dive
You were so young then
You’ll never swim here
again

The Ride (number one)

The crowd waits in the rain
Umbrellas blossomed like black flowers
Gathered as if for a funeral
They wait for the familiar lights

He sees the lights and watches
as they resolve into the shape of the bus
Ritually, the umbrellas fold up
and the people move, not unlike
the poor and huddled masses, he thinks.
Everyone wants to be first

He is swept through the crush of bodies
into the smothering warmth

The smell of damp clothes and musty hair
mingled with an old woman’s odor
(two or three liters, perhaps)
is unavoidable as he inches down the aisle,
a cow in a cattlecar.

Clinging to a metal bar, umbrella soaking into
his side,
he gulps as a titanic shape approaches,
fold upon fold rippling through the trenchcoat
like waves on a rising ocean

He grimaces and is pressed
like luncheon meat as the
woman docks, staring out the window
with a pre-determined expression

He cannot see the window
It is too warm and the
fluorescent lights are
too harsh

The bus moves,
taking him on the most
exciting journey of his life.
Again.

Eddie Vedder and me

Last night I had a dream. No, not a vision for a better future where all people are truly equal regardless of color or orientation or anything. Just the regular kin of dream you have at night when your subconscious is doing its daily housecleaning. I knew it was a dream because the day was sunny and warm. On this sunny and warm day Pearl Jam was playing a concert in a park somewhere. I have the first three Peal Jam albums, which I rate roughly as Love It (Ten), Like It (Vs) and Listen to Songs From It When They Come Up On My iPod’s 2200+ Song Playlist (Vitalogy). This is to say that I like Pearl Jam so my brain wasn’t actively trying to punish me by having them put on a show for me. I believe this may have been an acoustic show of some kind because I do not recall the wailing of electric guitars. Eddie was a bit soft and flabby. The crowd seemed very sparse, so maybe it was a secret rehearsal or something.

The weirder part is that I was onstage and it was clear that Eddie and I were a couple. I was also a musician of some sort or at least someone had handed me a mike. At one point I made a comment to the crowd as an aside, pointing out how I loved it when Bob Dylan did this certain song. Because Bob Dylan was also there (to the left of Eddie and me). The show was interrupted at one point when a softball came bouncing in near the stage. A couple of apologetic ball players came by and took it away. The concert continued, with Eddie being just a generally nice guy and kind of smitten with me. This was definitely not the lean, growling “Jeremy” era Vedder.

It was a pleasant little dream and I thank my subconscious for not hooking me up with someone dead like Kurt Cobain, which would have been all kinds of creepy.

The super-short run

Although conditions were near-perfect (warm, sunny, light breeze) I cut my run short just past the 1 km mark today because the right calf muscle I had pulled a few days back started feeling sore. I figure I need to give it a few more days to recover. On the good side, I managed a pace of 5:02 on the one km I completed, which is pretty good for my post-injury (the other one) since returning to the runs in June.

Tiger Woods once again congratulated me on completing yet another 250 miles. The grasp of distances he is displaying via my iPod may indicate why he has been having some problems since returning to golfing.

The surprise twist run

Although I set the iPod to a distance of 10K, I planned on running only half that, figuring that I was reaching a plateau with the 5K runs and this would be a good ‘send-off’ before tackling the 10Ks again. Little did I realize the surprise twist to come!

The weather was a mix of sun and cloud, around 17ºC, with a light breeze blowing. The trail was in much better shape than the previous run. I could feel my lower left leg but it didn’t hurt and did not affect my pace at all. As you can see in the chart below my time up to the 4K mark was nearly identical to the previous run. I believe had I done the full 5K I would have had a slightly improved pace due to the short 2-second gap between the 3 and 4K mark. However, just after hitting 4K my right calf (surprise twist!) suddenly started seizing up. I spent about 10 seconds running on it trying to decide what to do and opted to end the run early rather than aggravating it. I don’t believe it is actually hurt, as it seems like just a muscle spasm but it was certainly not the way I expected the run to end.

I am officially™ planning a full 10K run next time. Excelsior!

Chart (bolded numbers are overall average time/km):

Distance June 15th June 11th June 7th June 4th June 1st April 30th
1 km 5:07 5:08 5:08 5:07 5:03 5:03
2 km 5:13 5:12 5:15 5:20 5:21 5:06
3 km 5:17 5:16 5:21 5:27 5:33 5:09
4 km 5:19 5:20 5:24 5:31 5:40 5:12
5 km n/a 5:24 5:28 5:34 5:45 5:16

This is why you don’t refuse sunscreen

Yesterday I was at a WESA softball game. Unlike most spring days, it was actually sunny and warm. Prior to game start I was offered some sunscreen. For some reason I was convinced I was impervious to the sun and declined the offer.

This is the result:

Yes, I am dumb but perhaps a smidgen more humble today than I was yesterday. I will now look for “Sunburning for Dummies” on Amazon.

The day-late run

A day later than expected due to being busy with other activities that went on longer than anticipated, today’s run was done under a mix of cloud and sun with a light breeze and the temperature around 17ºC. Due to the frequent rain of late the trail was rather mushy in a few spots, exacerbated by ruts from a parks board tractor driving along the trail when mowing the field.

I was concerned that my lower left leg would hurt so even though I technically planned for a 10K run, I knew a 5K was more likely. The run itself was a mix of good news/bad news.

Bad news: my left leg did start feeling sore.
Good news: It wasn’t actually painful and didn’t affect my pace.

The soreness in the leg dissipated fairly quickly after the run, even without using ice, so I am hopeful this is nothing serious. Still, I am planning on seeing a doctor or sports therapist next week to get a better handle on what’s up.

The final bit of good news is I knocked another four seconds off my average pace. I’m getting closer to where I once was, so maybe that 10K run isn’t too far off now.

Chart (bolded numbers are overall average time/km):

Distance June 11th June 7th June 4th June 1st April 30th
1 km 5:08 5:08 5:07 5:03 5:03
2 km 5:12 5:15 5:20 5:21 5:06
3 km 5:16 5:21 5:27 5:33 5:09
4 km 5:20 5:24 5:31 5:40 5:12
5 km 5:24 5:28 5:34 5:45 5:16

Random questions answered

In this thread on Quarter to Three Tom Chick asks for random questions for a gaming podcast he does. A question is asked during the podcast and the first person to correctly answer wins a game of some sort. It seems this week he was drawing a blank, hence the seeking of suggestions. I am compelled to answer some of the random questions being proposed, specifically the ones in posts by Wade42 and Jason Cross.

Random Answers to Random Questions, Part 1

Do you sing when you’re alone (in the shower/in the car/etc)?
Yes. Many years ago I shared an apartment that had hardwood floors and pretty good acoustics. My roommate once came home early and heard me singing from outside the apartment door. He said I sounded pretty good!

What’s the state of your sock drawer?
Remarkably organized, right down to color and size (the ankle socks I wear with shorts on one side, the longer socks on the other).

What did your parents do for a living, and does it at all relate to what you do for a living?
My dad was a logger and owned his own logging truck until he retired early. My mom was a housewife and had her hands full raising five kids. The closest I have come to logging is chopping wood for a fireplace. I’ve pretty much been my own housewife, though.

What time do you generally go to bed/wake up?
These days I am usually to bed between 11 p.m. and midnight. Getting up depends on where/if I’m working but generally between 7 and 8 a.m. I don’t sleep in on weekends.

What is the last new food you tried?
I can’t remember this one. I don’t shy away from trying most new foods but it’s been awhile since I had something truly new and different.

Boxers or briefs? (Wait, do we really want to know?)
Boxers, but the modern kind!

What was the last live music performance you attended?
Not counting something outdoors and free, probably a Morrissey show back around 1998. Yeah, it’s been awhile.

Who is the most famous person you’ve ever met?
I once served coffee to David Duchovny.

What would you like them to print on your tombstone?
“This wasn’t the kind of immortality I wanted.”

Which is your favorite Muppet, and why? (Don’t even PRETEND that there isn’t at least one Muppet you like.)
Rowlf the Dog. Easygoing, friendly, plays the piano, doesn’t pee on the rug. What more could you want?

What is your favorite alcoholic beverage?
I don’t drink much. When I do, it’s usually an apple cider and I’m not hung up on the brand. After two my face is numb and I’m done, anyway.

If you could make yourself a little more attractive or a little smarter, which would you choose?
A little more attractive. I think I’m smart enough to get by but I’m just vain enough to want to look a little better. Smaller ears or better hair, please!

What is your worst bad habit?
Procrastination.

What is the oldest thing in your wallet/purse, besides a birth certificate or social security card?
Everything in my wallet is no more than a few years old. I recently cleaned it out, so all the old junk got tossed.

Does your phone number spell something? If so, what?
My phone number does not spell anything except gibberish.

What was your first computer?
An Atari 400 with 16k ram, purchased in 1982.

Who is your favorite relative (besides wife/children/parents)?
I don’t have ‘favorite’ relatives. They’re all pretty decent, for the most part.

When you’re hanging out at home, do you prefer it to be dimly lit or brightly lit? Why?
Watching a movie or TV, dimly lit. At the computer, eating/cooking or reading, brightly lit. For movies and TV, the picture is more vivid and immersive if the room is dark. For the rest, bright light just helps to see things or reduce eyestrain (in the case of the computer).

What is “God” to you?
An abstract concept.

Are you going to eat that?
I already did. Sorry!

The not-quite-yet run

Once again I started with the plan to run 10k but ended up doing 5k. Amazing how much stamina you lose with a month off. I think I may finally be ready for a 10k on the next run, though.

Conditions today were very nice — a rare sunny day and warm, nearly 20ºC. There was a wind gusting occasionally but it died down shortly after I started my run.

Curiously, my first km has been getting progressively slower, though not by much. I’m not sure why. Maybe I am subconsciously trying to pace myself. I felt like I was dogging it for the last few km. A woman jogging ahead of me slowly began gaining ground as I flagged. There was a time I would have turned it on to catch up and pass her. I’ll get there again someday!

Average pace was 5:28, six seconds better than the previous run and breaking the 5:30 mark I was aiming for, so I’m pleased there. Left leg felt a little sore after so I iced it for half an hour and it feels fine now.

And Tiger Woods congratulated me yet again for another 250 miles. According to him I’ve completed about 5,000 miles so far. Thanks, Tiger!

More chart fun below. Except for a slightly slower start I improved across the board but am still off my normal pace. Still, progress.

Distance June 7th June 4th June 1st April 30th
1 km 5:08 5:07 5:03 5:03
2 km 5:15 5:20 5:21 5:06
3 km 5:21 5:27 5:33 5:09
4 km 5:24 5:31 5:40 5:12
5 km 5:28 5:34 5:45 5:16

Major programming update!

“Major” being hyperbole, of course!

Still, I have purchased the ebook version of Learning C# after seeing a post about a one-day sale O’Reilly was having where you could get any ebook for $9.99. Books on programming are always tricky to use because you have to constantly refer to them while trying to, well, program, so you end up picking the book up and setting it down over and over or start devising creative ways to make the book lay open and flat by using whatever you might have on your desk to weigh it down — staplers, spare keyboards, your cat. The ebook version by design is always flat. In fact, it’s perfectly 2D! This should make my programming efforts a smidgen easier.

Now I just need to gird myself to dive back in.