weather you like it or not

Today is the first day of spring (2016 edition). As such I have a few requests to make of Mother Nature regarding this season of growth and renewal:

1. Mild temperatures.
2. Plenty of sun.
3. Only enough rain to keep things green and prevent drought. NO MORE.
4. No major earthquakes. No one wants the Big One, right?
5. No major freak storms. These will probably happen, anyway.

#3 has already been a bust as today it rained buckets. Well, it rained rain, but the amount was copious. We’re set for the rest of the month, I’m pretty sure. NO MORE.

On the plus side, no major earthquakes or storms today, either, so I’m calling the first day of spring a draw.

Or so Elmore Leonard might advise if he was talking about blogs instead of books. Because weather is generally boring. Observe:

Today it rained a lot and was cold. We didn’t experience catastrophic flooding and it didn’t actually drop below freezing, but things got wet and the buses were crowded, damp and unpleasant.

Was that interesting? No, it was not. This is a little better:

Today a series of mega-tornadoes swept through the city, blowing apart skyscrapers, flattening dozens of blocks and leaving behind nothing but smoking ruins. It also rained a lot and was cold.

Although this is more exciting it also has the small issue of being untrue in regards to the mega-tornadoes. Astute readers are likely to know that mega-tornadoes hardly ever sweep through Metro Vancouver, putting them in a negative and non-receptive state of mind for the rest of your post. They may even decide to not read further at all, knowing full well that millions of amusing cat images are just a few clicks away in another tab.

So I’m not going to talk about the weather. Instead I’m going to talk about the seasons. Most people associate seasons with weather but technically you can talk about one without discussing the other. As I am about to do in the next paragraph.

The winter solstice was yesterday, December 22, and as such this means the shortest day of the year has passed and now the days will get longer and before you know it the glory of summer will have returned. Hooray summer!

That is all.

P.S. It better not snow before then. Damn snow.

Today is the first day of fall. The weather was a mix of sun and cloud, with a light sprinkle here and there. It was mild in the afternoon and a bit chilly in the morning. All in all an average sort of early fall day.

Most trees have already changed color, the Halloween candy is on store shelves (three weeks before Thanksgiving, which is actually pretty normal now), the sun sets early enough that a post-dinner walk must be done without delay to avoid being caught out in the dark where bats will automatically dive at your head and become tangled in your hair. It’s totally true. I avoid this by wearing a hat. And not having hair.

I am sad that summer is over, even though the first half was stupidly hot and the second half featured a major leg injury that made there mere act of walking painful. Barring some weird climate change burst–which I wouldn’t necessarily rule out–we won’t see a 20+ degree day again for seven months. It will become cold and wet like a dog’s nose, except all over instead of just on a dog’s nose.

On the plus side I may increase my writing output as the urge to go outside and do stuff in dog nose weather fades, and that pesky glare from the sun won’t be quite as pesky for awhile.

As I mentioned, it rained yesterday, which also happened to be my birthday and also happened to be a Saturday and also happened to be the first rain we’ve had on a Saturday in quite awhile. Since the Big Storm™ of late August, the spell of months-long hot, dry weather has been broken, with generally cooler temperatures and a mix of sun, cloud and a some rain here and there.

We need the rain so I can’t really complain, especially given the climate we live in here, which generally leans toward wet with intervals of dry, followed by a lot more wet. In the winter this pattern normally magnifies tenfold on the wet parts.

The change in weather and the imminent official end of summer (in three days) has made me reflect on the seasons and, as always, I eventually came up with a list. In this list I rank the seasons from “please last six months longer through some form of magic” to “I tolerate you with a mix of loathing and open hostility.”

The Best and Worst Seasons

1. Summer. Number one with a bullet. What’s not to like? The weather is mild or warm for months but rarely gets outright hot (er, this last bit may be changing somewhat as the last few years suggest climate shenanigans are affecting how hot summer gets here). The days are long, with plenty of light in the evening for pleasant walks, runs and other outdoor activities. The trees, flowers and other vegetation are in full bloom. There is lush green and other colors everywhere. It even smells nice. Anyone who hates summer probably hates kittens, too.
2. Spring. Spring is basically proto-summer. It features a lot of the same positive attributes as summer, just dialed down. The days are getting longer but you won’t be strolling in the daylight at 8 p.m. quite yet. Trees are dressing themselves in leaves but timidly, as if they’re afraid to show off. It can be warm but at least it’s no longer cold. You can stop wearing layers upon layers. Most importantly, all of these things are signs that summer is on its way.
3. Fall. Fall is kind of special in that it’s the only season that gets a bonus alternate title, Autumn. The best part of fall are the weeks when the trees still have most of their leaves but they’ve changed into a spectacular array of bold colors: red, oranges, yellows. For a time the world looks like a really nice landscape painting. You know, the kind not done on black velvet. Early fall also features the last vestiges of summer–the days are getting shorter, it starts getting cooler, but the changes come gently, easing you away from Best Season.
4. Winter. Everything about winter sucks. The days are short. You get to a point where it’s dark when you leave for work in the morning and it’s dark when you get back in the afternoon. If you work in a place without windows you may never see actual daylight for weeks or months. It’s cold. It rains a lot. Wind often accompanies the rain, turning umbrellas into hazards to be dodged as their owners struggle to keep control of them on the sidewalks. Buses get smelly and damp. Sometimes it will snow and for a brief time the world falls silent and the blanket of white stuff brings a sense of calm and tranquility to the city. Then it warms up, the snow changes to rain and you have to slog through giant flows of slush. On top of all this, there are no flowers, the trees look like they’ve been nuked and the world is generally gray and dreary. About the best thing I can say about winter is that it’s nice to curl up with a cup of tea or hot chocolate after coming in from the cold.

Today I headed out on my usual weekend trip to Lougheed Town Centre to get a few things and have some lunch. Despite a call for rain in the early afternoon, it was still dry around 1 p.m. so I decided to risk it. It’s just rain, after all, not sulfuric acid. Not yet, anyway.

I noticed it was a tad on the breezy side as I began heading out and in fact I had not even walked a block before coming across a giant tree toppled across Sherbrooke Street, having barely missed crushing a car. Two blocks later I found another downed tree ominously resting on some power lines. More trees were down in Hume Park and by the time I got to the entrance to the Brunette River trail the scene looked like a hurricane had torn through it. And in a way it kind of had. Winds gusted up to 80 km/h for a few hours, knocking out power, knocking down copious copses of trees, disrupting ferry and SkyTrain service (the latter due to a tree falling over the track near Royal Oak station). CBC has several stories on the mayhem, one of which you can read here: Fierce B.C. storm knocks out power and causes havoc.

As the wind was still blowing at the river trail, I opted to not risk it since a lot of the trees along the river lean precariously without the assistance of freakishly strong winds pushing against them. Instead I walked up North Road, bypassing the intersections without working traffic lights and made my way to the mall, but not before the rain did indeed start, giving me a nice soak on the way in.

I’ve made a gallery of the destruction I saw enroute to Lougheed which can be found here: Windstorm August 29, 2015. Enjoy!

Here’s a sample of the wooden carnage around the corner from my place:

The last day of summer was warm and sunny.

The first day of fall was cool and damp.

This reassuringly normal weather pattern disturbs me, somehow. How can I sarcastically riff on weather that is proper and unremarkable?

Stupid normal weather.

Today is the first day back to school here in B.C.

It is raining.

Summer is over.

That is all.