If I had a million dollars

First, a million dollars wouldn’t go nearly as far as it once did. Heck, you couldn’t even buy a lot of fairly ordinary homes in Vancouver for a million dollars.

So let’s start with if I had ten million dollars. What would I do with my riches, assuming I hadn’t acquired the money by extorting a bunch of strangely wealthy orphans?

  • Buy a fairly ordinary home in Vancouver. That immediately takes care of about 10% of the windfall.
  • I suppose I’d get a car of some kind, something nice but not flashy. I’d have to get my driver’s license renewed, too.
  • Give a couple million to a few charities/good causes. I don’t have a list yet, I’d have to do some research.
  • Buy a 4K TV. honestly, I’d have to come into a lot of money unexpectedly before I could get past the  first world guilt of getting something I absolutely positively don’t need.
  • Give some money to my co-workers before quitting. Because I’d totally quit. The last two weeks would be glorious.
  • Give some money to family and friends–equal amounts, no favorites. No limits on what the money could be used for, as long as it was legal. If someone wants to spend thousands on Beanie Babies, who am I to deny them?
  • Stash away a bunch of money in some sort of interest-generating account or investment (one that is stable, not like “I’m investing in Bitcoin because it’s going to keep going up forever!”) so I always have something to fall back on.
  • Travel. I’m not sure where. Probably across Canada to start. The U.S. is out for the moment as it seems to be in a possibly never-ending downward spiral and I have no desire to deliberately feed any funds into its current government. Or “government” if you prefer. Also, Europe and other places overseas scare me because I hate flying and taking a cross-Atlantic cruise isn’t much better.
  • Buy Twitter and shut it down. I probably couldn’t do this with only $10 million, sadly, but a boy can dream.
  • Maybe buy some Beanie Babies. Just kidding. I’d probably buy giant novelty Rubik’s Cubes instead.
  • Get one of the high end Wacom Cintiq tablets just to see what the fuss is all about. I’d draw stick men and stick trees and somewhere a poor graphic artist would cry out in anguish at the travesty.
  • Buy some macadamia nuts. I love those things but I can’t buy them without thinking they’re some stupid luxury, like caviar or Rolls Royce cars. I wouldn’t buy a lot, though, because that guilt would reassert itself.
  • Probably write a lot more lists. This is not necessarily a positive thing, as you can see here.

Run 555: Dipsy doodles and achievement unlocked

Run 555
Average pace: 5:40/km
Location: Burnaby Lake (CCW)
Start: 12:06 pm
Distance: 10.03 km
Time: 56:53
Weather: Showers
Temp: 5ºC
Humidity: 93%
Wind: light
BPM: 169
Weight: 160 pounds
Total distance to date: 4320 km
Devices: Apple Watch, iPhone

It was another day of The Rains and my dedication to fitness was put to the test when I opened the front door of the condo and was greeted by a downpour.

Given that it was only 5ºC I wore two layers up top (a long-sleeve t-shirt and short sleeve) and that worked well. I wore shorts and my (sexy) legs were also fine. My upper body was a bit cool heading back after the run but that was due more to the sweat cooling and turning clammy, combined with a breeze that was picking up. And the fact that the rain never actually stopped.

So it was a soggy run and the trail at the lake was in full Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde form, the good doctor being the parts that have been resurfaced over the last few years (generally fine) vs. the other parts still untouched, which includes all three side trails and the Cottonwood trail. These combine to form close to half my route and they were filled with trail-spanning puddles that forced me to skirt along the edges.

On the plus side, the recent work at the sports field is mostly working, with no flooding there and only a thin layer of run-off pouring in from the edge of field at the point where the trail bends 90 degrees to the west. A little shoring up there would fix that. The sports fields themselves appeared to be a swampy mess, though the poopmonsters seemed fine with that.

Given the weather there were few people out–a few dedicated dog walkers, a couple of the “I love walking in the rain!” types and some fellow joggers, all of whom were dressed much more conservatively than me. One of those was wearing a jaunty blue jacket that served as a kind of beacon. I spied him ahead of me about two km in and by the 5K mark he had what appeared to be an insurmountable lead. That was fine, I was in steady-as-she-goes mode, seeking only to go through at a comfortable pace. Somewhere around the 7K mark he either stopped briefly or slowed because the gap began to close. I could see I was gaining ground and entertained the possibility and eventually the necessity of passing him.

As with a car passing another on the road, to pass a fellow runner you must accelerate and then remain at the accelerated pace until you have sufficient space between you and the other runner. When I look at the splits for the run this acceleration doesn’t seem to really be apparent, which may explain why I caught up to begin with–he was slowing and I wasn’t. The little bit of gas was probably responsible for my slightly-improved pace of 5:40/km vs. 5:42/km the previous week. One downside was my BPM was back up, but I believe this was due to the pace difference and mire importantly, the much lower temperature. It doesn’t feel like I’m working hard, but my body clearly is.

Also, the nipple guards (band-aids) got their first real test today and actually worked amazingly well. The nipples (why is nipples such a funny word?) experienced no chafing and even more, did not get cold at all, which never happens during a rainy run. It was a surprising delight when I got home. And who doesn’t like being delighted by their nipples?

The unofficial achievement was marking the first time in several years that I have run at least once every month. This year the first two months of runs were done on a treadmill due to The Snows, but I nonetheless got the runs in. Today’s run officially caps out a full 12 months of running. Yay.

Overall, another decent effort. I look forward to perhaps staying dry, hopefully, next time.

Book review: Ghostland: An American History in Haunted Places

Ghostland: An American History in Haunted PlacesGhostland: An American History in Haunted Places by Colin Dickey
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Ghostland is at turns frightening and horrifying, not because of the alleged ghosts said to haunt homes, bars, hotels and other places across the U.S., but due to the sometimes unspeakably awful ways the people who lived, worked or occupied these places behaved.

In the hands of author Colin Dickey, Ghostland is an examination of how crime, class warfare, sexism, racism and more are often the root of so many ghostly appearances. Where people have suffered, Dickey argues, stories of ghosts thrive, borne variously from anxiety, guilt and loss. Sometimes the stories have an economic motivation–people making a few bucks off tours of allegedly haunted houses. Other times the stories are a way of translating some human horror–the mistreatment and abuse of slaves, for one–into something more easily-digested. As Dickey notes, “Ghost stories like [these] are a way for us to revel in the open wounds of the past while any question of responsibility for that past blurs, then fades away.”

As Dickey details the operation of massive insane asylums constructed in the mid to late 19th century, with their horrific overcrowding and cruel experimentation on patients in search of “curing” them, it seems inevitable that ghost stories would emerge from the real-life horrors that went on inside the walls of these hospitals.

Dickey also covers some well-known haunted locales, such as the Winchester Mystery House. Here he lays out evidence suggesting that Sarah Winchester didn’t keep adding rooms to the mansion to ward off the spirits of those killed by her husband’s rifles, but because she had the keen mind of an architect–and nearly limitless funds to indulge her experiments in building.

And so it goes throughout Ghostland, with Dickey deconstructing nearly every haunted place he has researched. A few that he visits give him pause, leaving him genuinely unsettled, but there is no “a-ha!” moment when he becomes convinced–or tries to convince the reader–that ghosts are real.

Rather, this is a fascinating journey through the darker parts of American history, Ghostland is well worth reading for how capably it provides rational explanations for the ghosts, poltergeists and other entities said to haunt so many corners of America’s vast landscape. Recommended.

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November 2017 weight loss report: Up 3.5 pounds

The good news is I’m still down overall for the year.

That concludes the good news.

The not-so-good-news is I did not reverse October’s trend of gaining rather than shedding weight. Instead my went went up again, a hefty 3.5 pounds. Yikes.

This was due to two things:

  • an increase in snacking
  • a decrease in exercise (specifically running but also walks)

The increase in snacking was bad. It’s obvious I can only manage it when I exercise enough to make up for it, so when I don’t the weight gain is immediate and significant. This depresses me a little. I must again resist snacks. December is probably the worst month of the year to give up snacking but I’m going to give it a try before ending in an orgy of short bread and Ferraro Rocher.

The decrease in exercise was not due to a sudden transformation into a lazy, sloth-like thing, but rather because of the change of season. I don’t mind running in the rain and the cold (though I can honestly say I would never miss running in the rain), but I haven’t really done it in the last few years and want to get better gear for it. To a certain extent this is just an excuse but I’ve made some movement here.

There are a few issues right now when it comes to exercise.

For lunch walks, it’s pretty difficult to do when it rains. Yes, I have a Goretex jacket, but my jeans will still get soaked. I could bring a second pair of jeans to work for these walks, but it’s a bit of a pain to shuttle pants back and forth between work and school. Still, it’s a possibility.

For running, it’s now dark right after work, so I can only run at lunch. If it’s raining lightly and not close to freezing, I’m good with the gear I have now, though I want a second pair of running shoes so I can just leave one pair at work. The problem starts when it gets colder–I need better running pants than what I have now, plus a better jacket, one that can better resist precipitation (my current running jacket is more of a windbreaker). One final issue is when it rains hard, the trail around the gold course turns into a lake/river combo that is supremely unpleasant for running. It’s also a bit dangerous because when most of the run is done in giant puddles of water, you can never really be sure what you’re stepping into.

I plan on addressing the gear situation soon and the no-snacking begins tomorrow.

My plan for December is modest–to get below 160 pounds again and stay there. If I can do more, that would be spiffy, but my goal right now is to just reverse the weight gain and get back on the no-donut track.

And now, the grim tidings regarding my waistline through the month of November.

Stats:

November 1: 157.6 pounds
November 30: 161.1 pounds

Year to date: From 165.9 to 161.1 pounds (down 4.8 pounds. In October I was down 7.9 pounds and in September I was down 11.4 pounds)

And the body fat:

January 1: 19.1% (31.7 pounds of fat)
November 30: 17.3% (27.9 pounds of fat)

NaNoWriMo 2017, Day 30: LOL

Yep, with today being the last day of the month, it’s time to summarize my National Novel Writing Month effort this year and LOL is a pretty good summary.

I wrote 2557 words a few days in…for a different novel. Then my keyboard was stilled as I was overwhelmed by events, ennui, personal drama and The Rains (I read today that this November is the fourth-wettest since they started keeping records. The forecast is for sun to return next month. Then probably blizzards for the next three months).

In all, my effort was so minimal it’s difficult to feel disappointed. It’s like scolding yourself for how you placed in a race you never actually participated in.

Apart from this blog, my writing in general has stalled, which is not good. I’ll be returning to The Other 11 Months writing group on Sunday and seeing how it goes there, but if I am to write more I need to do it more often than just on Sundays. It’s not like writing is a religious experience for me.

But perhaps I should pray to the spirit of Harlan Ellison. Except he’s still alive and would tell me to stop writing nonsense on a blog and start writing a ripping good yarn by grabbing legal pad and fountain pen.

Tomorrow I’ll unveil my newest and bestest writing plan.

Bad design: This donut

It is a well-established fact that I love donuts. I love all kinds of donuts, too–glazed, cake, jelly, pretty much any donut is good (except maple donuts. Maple and donuts just don’t work together for me. It’s like combining peanut butter and chocolate, but instead of peanut butter you use plaster and instead of chocolate you use motor oil).

However, this donut is wrong.

No, not the decadent but possibly decent Chocolate Cheesecake Donut on the left. I’m talking about the one on the right.

The Angel Cream Donut.

Tip: If your product is using the words “angel cream” you are very likely doing it wrong. The only thing that visually distinguishes this donut from a Boston Cream (mmm, Boston Cream…) is the white icing drizzled across the top. You know, the angel cream. Or maybe the angel cream is inside the donut and it is meant to simulate a pureed form of angel, whipped and blended into a horrifying but richly smooth cream-like substance.

I don’t know. I don’t want to know. The fact that the sign is handwritten suggests this could be a rogue donut named by capricious staff. More likely the official Angel Cream Donut signs haven’t arrived at the store yet because the person who is printing them keeps looking at the sample and going, “Ew!” and never prints anything.

Seven more writing prompts for rainy days

Do The Rains get you down, leave you feeling blue? Leave you sopping wet and wishing you could travel outside in a miraculous bubble of pleasantly heated air that would never let the damp in?

If your answer is yes, I can’t help you. Sorry.

But have some writing prompts suitable for rainy days, wrapping fish or lining bird cages1.

  1. It’s raining cats and dogs. In 500 words or more, describe the ongoing horror of people being pelted by pets falling from the sky.
  2. Noah has asked you to build an ark because the flood’s a-coming. He has provided you with the supplies: a ball of yarn, a couple of 2×4’s and a bottle of paste, half-eaten by one of his kids and not closed properly, so most of it has dried out. Weave a tale about your mighty ark construction and how it saves all the world. Do not exaggerate your efforts because God hates liars.
  3. The storm drain is clogging with leaves and will soon cause a flood in front of your building, making it difficult for people to come and go without plunging through an enormous puddle. Write a list of ten other things you’d rather do than address this problem.
  4. Write a romantic story that uses these five words that rhyme with rain: main, gain, disdain, grain, pain.
  5. A magic genie gives you a choice between three kinds of rain: lava rain, electric rain and flaming oil rain. Choose wisely.
  6. Wouldn’t it be cool if you could conjure a little rain cloud that would follow around someone you don’t like and pour rain on them? Write a story about how totally cool that would be.
  7. Write a story about some unfeeling jerk that has a magic rain cloud follow you around and pour rain on you. Nah, just kidding. It would be totally cool.
  1. Fish, birds and cages not included. Prompts will need to be printed on paper first. Paper not included. ↩︎

Testing the axiom “An artist must suffer for his art”

My personal life has undergone a seismic shift as of last night. Since this is a blog and not Dear Diary I’ll say no more, but if an artist must suffer for his art and I keep writing or doodling or throwing pots or engaging in some sort of creative endeavor, I will soon be producing work that’ll look touched by genius.

Just sayin’.

Let’s start with a haiku.

I did a bad thing
The consequences are due
I am a dumb guy

The genius part may build slowly over time…

Only one month until Christmas!

As of today, there is only one month until Christmas. This means:

  • only one more month of Christmas ads
  • only one more month of Christmas music
  • only one more month of eggnog and fruit cake
  • only ten months until the whole thing starts again. With the same fruit cake.

Notice that since I’m no longer complaining about anything ever again* I present the above as a list of positives. I look forward to seeing you again next year, fruit cake! (I really can’t remember the last time I actually ate fruit cake. Even still, I dimly recall it being horrible. I mean that in a very positive way.)

 

* I may or may not choose to redefine what constitutes complaining

Run 554: A mild experience

Run 554
Average pace: 5:42/km
Location: Burnaby Lake (CCW)
Start: 12:20 pm
Distance: 10.02 km
Time: 57:14
Weather: Cloudy, light showers
Temp: 10ºC
Humidity: 74%
Wind: light
BPM: 159
Weight: 160 pounds
Total distance to date: 4310 km
Devices: Apple Watch, iPhone

In a freakish coincidence I started today’s 10K run at the exact same time as last week’s–12:20 p.m. I did not plan this.

My pace as slightly slower–5:42/km vs. 5:40/km last week, but this was not surprising as my goal was to run at a comfortable pace and never push. I wasn’t specifically trying to lower my BPM, I was just reducing the chance of pain or injury as I had not run in the intervening week.

But my heart rate did drop and quite a bit, from 169 last week to 159 this week, right back to my usual zone. This was reflected in a general feeling of being relaxed, or as relaxed as you can feel when moving at a jogging pace for nearly an hour without stopping. At no point did I feel winded or tired, I just kept on trucking along, never doubting I would make it to the end.

I also had one of my slowest starts, with the first km matching my overall pace of 5:42. To show how consistent I was, I was still at 5:42 at the 9 km mark. The slow start was also deliberate. I resisted my usual “shot out of a cannon” approach to see how it would affect my overall time and BPM. It made the start a little more pleasant because I didn’t experience that big drop-off around the 2-3K point where the initial burst of speed runs out.

Around the 6K mark two things happened. First, it started to sprinkle, but it never amounted to more than that, so I avoided a nipple incident. Second, my left knee started to tighten up. It peaked quickly, though, and surprisingly was not an issue for the rest of the run. It’s still a bit stiff now, in the evening, but not enough to be genuinely uncomfortable, just a very slight nuisance.

The trail was in decent shape, with only a few puddles to negotiate. I saw three runners right at the start and a smattering of others after, including a young guy smartly dressed in black shorts, dark gray t-shirt, black cap, fashionable stubble and…black gloves. The gloves looked weird because of the t-shirt. Also it was 10ºC so I’m pretty sure his hands would have been sweating like crazy. I wore my long-sleeved short and would have been fine in a regular tee, especially with little wind.

Dogs were behaved and mostly on-leash. One woman by the sports fields had walked maybe a hundred meters or more ahead of her dog, which is dumb to begin with, but her dog was also tiny and would make a nice bite-size snack for a coyote–which I have seen multiple times in the area. I was going to say something to her but she moved off the trail and onto the field by the time I reached her. I felt bad for the all-but-ignored snack dog.

Overall, then, I’m happy with today’s result. I felt pretty good, got my BPM back in a range I’m more comfortable with, and the gray weather kept the trails lightly populated.

I bought a book about not complaining (this is not a complaint)

I picked up a book about not complaining. It was on sale, so I certainly will not complain about the price. We’ll see if it, along with my newly-infused Kaizen brain, can overcome the negativity and gloom that has descended over me during the past year.

I’ll admit, it would help if Trump got kidnapped by Bigfoot, too, but I can’t pin my hopes on such a happy thing occurring.

So here’s hoping A Complaint Free World helps.

I’m typing this on my MacBook Pro, so I’m going to get in one last complaint, again regarding its extremely low travel keyboard: Do not like.

There, done!

Book review: One Small Step Can Change Your Life: The Kaizen Way

One Small Step Can Change Your Life: The Kaizen WayOne Small Step Can Change Your Life: The Kaizen Way by Robert Maurer
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Much like the small steps the Kaizen technique recommends, this is a small book that is quickly read, all the better to start applying its suggestions for self-improvement.

Like the ancient expression “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step,” the Kaizen technique is one in which improvement is seen as a gradual process, where small steps lead (eventually) to big changes. The book covers several aspects of the technique, ranging from asking “small questions” to small rewards, small actions and so on. Each chapter includes tips and examples using patients of Robert Maurer’s.

Kaizen is appealing in its simplicity and logic. When we attempt major changes (think of New Year resolutions to lose a lot of weight or give up a bad habit or addiction) we usually trigger our brain’s fight or flight response, leading to anxiety and even fear. The body refuses to cooperate. The brain goes “Nope!” and suddenly that Boston Cream you swore you’d never touch has vanished from its plate.

Instead of going cold turkey, the Kaizen technique goes to the opposite end by promoting change through small increments, sometimes so small they may seem silly. In the donut example above (mmm, donuts…) you wouldn’t just give up Boston Creams immediately. Instead, you’d buy one as usual, sit down and then skip the first bite (Kaizen doesn’t tell you what to do with that bite so you’re on your own for that). The next donut skip the first two bites and so on. Eventually you’ll get to where you aren’t ordering the donut at all–and not missing it.

I’ve used this technique myself when I started running, adopting the well-known Couch to 5K plan. The first few runs were so brief (they were more walking then running) that it felt entirely effortless. How could I not continue? By the time I reached Week 7 of 9, it was the middle of summer, blazing hot and I struggled to meet that week’s goal–but I persevered, because I had spent nearly two months slowly building to that point and it wasn’t nearly as daunting as it would have been otherwise.

One Small Step Can Change Your Life is easy to read, easy to follow and lays out the case for Kaizen in a direct and accessible manner. I really can’t see how anyone couldn’t gain some benefit from adopting its technique for at least some aspect of his or her life. Recommended.

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